Hello. I have not been here for a long time, and I would like to talk about it.

First of all, I want to apologize for my absence to several of my clients who are still waiting for their commissions. I will definitely finish these arts, please don't doubt it.
This is going to be a big post, but I need to speak my mind. I also want to apologize for my bad English, I use google translate.

So, the reason for my absence is that in 2021 I got sick with multiple sclerosis. And I would like to tell my story about it.
It all started with the fact that I began to feel physically weak, and I also began to stumble while walking. I didn't realize then that there was something wrong with my body. Probably, any person, having stumbled, will not pay attention to this and will not attach serious importance to this. However, literally in a matter of weeks my condition deteriorated rapidly and led to the fact that it became difficult for me to move around the apartment. It was a problem for me to even go to the toilet, I could not go to the grocery store. My legs just couldn't walk, couldn't keep my balance, I fell if I didn't hold on to anything.
I went to the doctor, I was prescribed an MRI of the brain. After looking at the results of the MRI, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Awareness of the diagnosis did not come immediately, and still, after more than six months, I can not come to terms with this.
I was hospitalized. I was in the hospital twice in a row, for a total of six months. Under daily droppers and drugs. It hurt, it was scary. It's still scary.
Now I have been prescribed a drug that I have to take for the rest of my life. These are injections, and I have to put them absolutely every day. Of course, this also affects my emotional state. It's hard to come to terms with this.
I have now been put into remission. I'm glad I can walk. Of course, not like before, there were consequences. I feel unsteady when walking, I have trouble keeping my balance and I get tired easily. In addition, I have cramps and "tingling" in my legs. But remembering how in the hospital they wanted to put me in a wheelchair, I am extremely glad that now I can move on my own legs. In addition, I experience a slight stiffness in my right hand. More precisely, in fine motor skills. It scares me because I'm right handed. And that's the reason why I'm afraid to go back to painting. I haven't picked up a graphics tablet since September, just because I'm afraid. I hope this post will help me overcome my fear. I love drawing, I have been doing this all my life and I want to achieve success in this activity. In the end, I started drawing before I went to school.
Of course, my mental and emotional state cracked. I have always been a depressed person who finds it difficult to enjoy the little things in life. This is my type of character. But I have never been in such a serious and lingering depression. Of course, there were also suicidal thoughts. I just lost the meaning of life. For this reason, my family did not leave me at home alone, there was always one of the family members with me. I became hypersensitive, hyperemotional, panic attacks and endless anxiety began to visit me, because of which I could not sleep. I could fall asleep for a maximum of an hour and a half, and then wake up with a frantic heartbeat and inexplicable fear. I was prescribed tranquilizers. They helped, but a week ago my doctor told me to stop taking them and I feel worse in my condition. Perhaps this is the reason why I decided to write this post, I need to throw out the accumulated emotions.
I am very ashamed of myself as a person. I am ashamed that I did not live up to my parents' expectations. Of course, they wanted me to become a successful person. And as a result, at the age of 22 (now 23), I received a disability. I am ashamed in front of my friends that I can’t walk with them, it’s hard for me physically. I became a recluse. I'm afraid to start a relationship because I'm afraid to become a burden for a loved one. Because of my emotional state, I hurt many friends and loved ones, I ignored everyone and closed in on myself. Now, as a result, I feel lonely. I know I made a mistake.
I don't mean to make myself feel sorry for myself with this post. I know that there are people who have a harder fate. However, I feel the need to talk to someone about what I'm going through in life.
If among the people reading this there is someone with the same diagnosis, or you know someone with the same problem, please write to me. I would love to hear your story and find out how you cope with this diagnosis, what difficulties you faced and what helps you live a full life despite this serious illness.

Thanks for reading this long post. Take care of yourself and your health, do not ignore even the slightest change in your physical condition. Be happy.
I hope that soon I will be able to please you with new art.