It's a great story, I like it.

Thank you so much, Werty ^^

you are welcome

Very cool, the lesson of "practice makes perfect" holds true for just about anything you learn, although maybe not all people recognize that :)

Oh yes. Honestly, this story was almost wish fulfillment for me in that the student actually learns that lesson LOL. 90% of people I work with never get past the "you blocked my strike" phase.

Thanks for your time and your kind words, Ender. Always appreciated ^^

I wish my doctor had the same views as the swordmaster. Then I could just stand sideways when he tells me to lose weight.

Jokes aside, lovely work! Your flow is fantastic, and I could learn a thing or two from that combat scene. I feel like most students of high pride who can manage to set that pride aside and ask to learn are destined for great things.

cut your weight in half with this one weird trick (doctors hate him)

The fact that you could learn anything from my work is so foreign to me, given how much I've (attempted to) learn from yours. I'm both surprised and delighted to hear it ^w^

Was there anything in particular you liked about the fight scene? That's something I've been meaning to practice, so any pointers towards things you liked or didn't like would be extremely appreciated. Only if you're willing to share, of course!

Heh, you flatter me. Much appreciated.

As for the combat scene, I like it because it's cleverly separated into three pieces, which in this case is easier to see because they're each their own paragraph: The suspense, the action, and the ending. Each is told in a distinct way.

The suspense is done by describing a lot of tangible observations and using longer sentences and an (over)abundance of detail. That helps with the build up.

The action is described with short stacatto sentences, using some good terminology as well to describe the movements. (Press the advantage, feint, etc) Although there are a few too many sentences in a row sharing the same "She..." structure..

The ending is described as a step by step process, which adds to the weight of it because it highlights, however unintentionally, just how technically skilled the swordsman is, and how throughoughly he has bested Jasmine.

It was all structured very well, with good variety.

I hope the overabundance of description wasn't an over-overabundance. My goal was to show the heightened awareness that comes with combat, especially in contrast to her previous boredom, but I can understand how that'd very easily become too much. As for the long sentences, that was totally unintentional this time, but I will do my best to replicate this in the future. Never though in concrete terms about how sentence length can contribute to pacing, so this is very helpful!

The same goes for the staccato sentences. Unintentional here. Hopefully intentional in the future. Thank you so much for pointing out the repeated sentence structure as well! That's something that irks me whenever I read it, so I'm very glad to be able to nip it in the bud here. Will focus specifically on avoiding that in the future.

Very glad my goal for the step-by-step process came across! I'm always worried when I write such detailed descriptions, but I felt that it was warranted here to (as you said) show the technical skill of the panther. This is very useful advice how to communicate competence -- I'll certainly keep it in mind ^^

Also, I'm just now realizing your review was also cleverly separated into three pieces, each analyzing the corresponding one of the three pieces you were talking about. Very clever...

(Jokes aside, this sort of line-by-line feedback is exactly what I was hoping for when I joined the Prompt. Thank you so much for your time and your expert opinion!)

You do a lot of good writing techniques by instinct alone. That's a valuable thing. I bet recognizing those instincts will let you really start to hone them.

Also, I don't think there was an overabundance of description. Just enough, actually.

I fully agree that crystalizing instincts into words is how progress is made. That's part of why I value your feedback so much -- you're very good at putting my vague feelings into deterministic words that I can review and improve ^^

Love to hear that the description was just right! That's very refreshing, especially since 'learn how to describe a thing' is currently my top practice point.

I'm weirdly good at seeing the ones and zeroes of other people's writing, apparently. I'm really happy that it's helpful. Warms my heart to help others out with their work.

Such a vividly described scene with lively action. Expertly done and much enjoyed, for sure.

I'm surprised people are enjoying the action! I've always strayed away from action scenes, largely because I felt I would be very bad at them. Was there anything in particular you enjoyed about the it? Anything you thought could've been better?

In either case, thank you very much for your feedback. I always look forward to your comments <3

What I enjoyed: the interesting dialogue and analogy for describing how a blade "sees" another, the in-depth detail regarding the two's little sparring match, your flavorful world building when bringing out Andromeda and Jasmine's "prim-and-proper" upbringing.

What I thought could be improved: N/a (... I don't know how you could improve this; I thought for a six-page "first lesson" scene that this was absolutely sublime).

I'm glad the detail was useful! The finishing move based on a chat I had with a fencer friend of mine. He was talking about a niche fencing style with a main-hand sword and off-hand dagger, where the off-hand weapon was used mainly to incapacitate the enemy's main-hand weapon. For some reason the idea stuck in my head and I spent the next few days thinking up cool moves you could do with it. Glad the product lived up to my imagination somewhat ^^

I'm also very glad you enjoyed the worldbuilding. It's something I'm still practicing, so knowing what bits you liked is very helpful. Thank you so much for your time and feedback, From -- always appreciate it ^w^

Loved it, of course… time to wake the grandchildren so I will respond betterer later.

Vix

Nicely done, looks like her talents lie outside more traditionally princessly* pursuits and her instructor recognises her potential.

"his sword caught hers, appearing as if the air had suddenly condensed into steel" - This in particular is a great line.

"These student/teacher scenes are a guilty pleasure of mine, not least of which because I've spent a lot of time on both sides of the dynamic." - Interesting, in what context?

Dune really is a classic for a reason, I read it for the first time fairly recently.

*so princely is a word but princessly isn't? Blatant sexism! Either that or I'm spelling it wrong.