DISCLAIMER #1: I DO NOT, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, PROMOTE DEROGATORY USE OF CARICATURES, RACISM, SLUT/KINK SHAMING, SLURS OR DISPARAGING REMARKS ABOUT OTHERS' TRAITS, NOR DO I MAKE MALICIOUSLY MISLEADING STATEMENTS ABOUT CULTURES. THESE ARE ALL AGAINST FURAFFINITY'S TOS, AND I STRONGLY ADHERE TO THE SITE'S TERMS OF SERVICE.

DISCLAIMER #2: I, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT FUCKING USE AI. NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL.

This document was written from July 19, 2024 to February 4, 2025.

Taco Hell is a giant, contaminated drug lab full of Bell Beefers, burritos, chalupas, chicken and cheese roll-ups, chili peppers, Cinnabon Delights, cinnamon twists, Crunchwrap Supremes, crunchy and soft tacos, Doritos Locos Tacos, Enchiritos, Fiesta Potatoes, Fiesta Taco Salads, gorditas, Grilled Breakfast Burritos, Grilled Stuft Nachos, Grilled Stuft Burritos, hash browns, Mexican Pizzas, Meximelts, Nachos Bell Grande, pintos and cheese, quesadillas, Quesaritos, Steak Burrito Supremes, Taco and Burrito Supremes, tequilas, tostadas, Waffle Tacos, Volcano Nachos and Volcano Tacos. Also known for being filled with employees suffering from a sense of oppression, massive drug wars, capitalism/corporatism, corruption, tequila, and of course, factories.

It should be no surprise just how offended the entire continent of Central and South America is. Taco Hell is a negative depiction of culinary arts. Depicting them in a negative light, unintentionally or not, is wrong now and it was wrong back then. I want to acknowledge this impact, learn from it and spark conversation to create a more inclusive, artistic future.

Consider the delicate balance of lime, chili and raw fish in a Peruvian ceviche, the hearty, comforting embrace of a Colombian bandeja paisa, the smoky perfection of an Argentine asado or the simple, profound satisfaction of a Salvadoran pupusa stuffed with cheese and beans. These are not mere dishes; they are cultural artifacts, expressions of identity, history and place. Taco Bell, in its global dominance, erases this entire library of flavor. It presents to the world a monolithic fiction where "Latin food" is synonymous with a crunchy corn shell, anemic ground beef, shredded iceberg lettuce and a dollop of sour cream. This reductionist approach doesn't just fail to represent the cuisine; it actively damages the public's perception of it, creating a low-quality, low-cost baseline that real artisans must constantly fight against.

Taco Hell remains in a sad, lulz-less state to this very day. By the late 1990s, select households were using maps, first-aid kits and/or fake IDs for vacations or road trips so they could systematically be transported to Taco Hell. Around the same time, Taco Hell introduced three different slogans: "Fetch that food!" (exclusively used in the Nacho and Dog commercials from 1995 to 1997), "Yo quiero Taco Hell!" and "Want some?". In the interim, Taco Hell is where over 90% of Americans eat and dump their shit, making it and McDonald's the garbage dump of the food industry.

Customers and employees apprehended by the man are invariably banned and/or kicked out. While many favor this initiative, the resulting labor slave shortage would force someone to pay the Unions fair wages for all those McJobs at Taco Hell–all menial, low-paying, dead-end and unskilled. Since these jobs require zero creative or intellectual involvement, their sole motivation is a paycheck and no one works a McJob because they like it or care about the work. At Taco Hell, McJobs are usually filled by teenagers, bored retired people looking for something to do and struggling single parents in need of a second income. The employees are also required to wear silly and degrading uniforms. Back in the '70s and '80s, the typical uniform had a deeply vintage color palette–brown, orange, yellow–the same as wood paneling and shag carpeting. And were there stripes. Some employees actually get their hands dirty with work in the janitorial landscaping or food-serving fields. US officials currently have a revolving door policy with Taco Hell, meaning that they are mostly free to sneak out once transported, more so when no one is looking. That's mostly if they're not employed.

Taco Hell slaves are wild, inquisitive creatures with an unmatched curiosity. If you are lucky enough to encounter one of these majestic beasts in the wild, there are certain precautions one must take to ensure their own personal safety.

That's not all–a 1982 commercial for the Taco Hell Grande features a pasty white guy in a cowboy hat and a jean jacket, who is meant to represent the Tex-Mex fast food brand. It's not funny. It's wrong. His quote is "I like it more because there's more of it to like," which is a fine thing to say about tacos... but that doesn't extend to crocodiles, infections or expensive dictatorships.

The lettuce on the average Taco Hell taco is always underneath the cheese for some reason. Who builds an American taco, puts the beef in and then goes "Lettuce... definitely need to warm and wilt my lettuce, which is only here for crunch anyway, but whatever. Now cheese on top. Cheese doesn't need to touch the warm meat and melt... that is cuckoo talk!"

Taco Hell hasn't cooked legit beef in decades. In 1982, at least you would've known they were serving you USDA-gradable beef! Pink slime was a decade or two away from being invented. Let's add three sins: one for the invention of pink slime, one for the quick adoption of it by fast food restaurants and one for the public's complete inability to notice the difference.

At one point, Taco Hell's slogan was actually "Oooh, what a difference!" Oooh, what a terrible slogan!

Remember the $5 Box? It didn't rock. To make matters worse, it necessitated this: "For every 35 pounds you lose, you may gain an inch of helmet weight."

It's physically impossible to stop eating Taco Hell once your blood alcohol has reached .08 or higher. In 2006, Taco Hell introduced Fourthmeal, which turned everyone's unnecessary meal before bed into a genius marketing strategy. One of those things where you'd never do it during the day and sober, but when it's late, you're kind of drunk and there's no other option, it seems like a really good idea.

People have actually proposed using sauce packets that other people have actually said yes to. And then those people get married at a Taco Hell... with a Taco Hell cake.

One of the biggest problems with Taco Hell is their fire sauce, which is hot on the way down, but even hotter on the way out.

In 1991, Willie Nelson was the star of a Taco Hell campaign; it more or less implied that he'd become an even bigger sell-out than he already was. Or maybe rednecks just love Taco Hell.

From 1997 to 2000, Gidget the chihuahua starred in a terrible ad campaign for Taco Hell, in which she played the Taco Hell dog. It was incredibly successful. Then Beverly Hills Chihuahua happened in 2008, just a year before her death. Self-hating nostalgiatards often regard 2009 as one of the worst common years in history because of how many deaths occurred that year. The movie features a clone of the Taco Hell dog named Papi. I have nothing else to say about this.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua Is Corporate Garbage for the Masses

- Let's just get this out of the way now; this movie is based on the premise that some dogs have a higher quality of life than most humans.
- There are way too many racial stereotypes.
Plot hole #1: How did the security guard not see the dogs?
Plot hole #2: Whenever the dogs speak to each other, humans hear them barking. How did the security guard not hear them fucking barking at each other while they were talking?
- I'm sure there's enough food for the hundreds of dogs we see living in the goddamn desert, am I right?
- The movie appears to be on a pointless nickname basis.

"But you do not realize that Taco Bell was the only restaurant to survive the franchise wars. So... now all restaurants are Taco Bell." Please, God... no.

Since that hell on earth has yet to come to fruition, our biggest worry right now might be slutty sauce packets.