Hi.

Hey. Been a while. I don't post journals nowadays because I don't really care about this site anymore. I can go in here once in a blue moon, update my profile, go on. Doubt anyone here watching me actually gives a crap. But this is more of a Public Service Announcement for artists that might follow me.

Guys, AI artwork is honestly a menace. But I come here to protect you (and your customers/friends/close ones by extension) with two tools to help you on your journey through artificially generated landscape.

First, Glaze. It's still in development, and it's made by University of Chicago. This application adds a cloaking layer to your existing artwork, making it unusable with most if not all AI models out there, basically protecting your artwork in an invisible or near-invisible to human eye way, depending on settings used. You can get it here:

https://glaze.cs.uchicago.edu/

Second one is Hive. This tool can help you detect an AI artwork or piece of text, and even point out a specific model generated by such tools, even if it was worked on a bit (like touching up by hand). So now you can check if an artwork you enjoy is a work of computer or an actual person.

https://hivemoderation.com/ai-gener.....tent-detection

That is all.

So there it is, just as I thought it was getting better.

For context, for past 3 weeks or so I had terrible lower back pains, off to the left side, and down my left leg. But I ignored it. "I'm too young for back problems" I thought. But I was severely wrong. I though it's disappearing, I felt better, moving and heating it up in hit showers seemed to help until this morning.

Woke up in pain, as usual for the past weeks, but ready to go to work regardless. I could barely move to the bathroom, but thought I'd still walk it off.

I didn't. I stopped feeling the pain. Not sure if it was my nervous system just shutting itself down partially, but the stinging got weaker. Instead, I suddenly got cold sweats and felt the need to puke.

You guessed it, I was passing out due to pain. I lost sight for a while, was totally lost in the room no matter how i turned my head, but managed to just shout for my mother before blacking out and woke up sitting with my heat between my knees and her calling for an ambulance.

Diagnosis: Sciatica. At my age? It could be a disaster. X-rays, physiotherapist, neurologist to make sure I don't have lasting problems later down the line...I feel devastated. Now I'm forced to stay in bed for at least 4 days, no work, no lifting, no unnecessary getting up. It might not be a big deal, but with my work - I managed to push myself too hard. And that's the price I'm paying.

Life sucks.

No, seriously, let's talk. I bet some people that still hate me for some reason come onto my profile to check it. So come on, let's talk after a while. Let's see where this goes. Slide into my DMs.

I've been thinking about it or a longer while. Maybe I should just ditch all this, sell off what I got and move on?

Happy birthday me! I'm one year older and just as stupid as the year before, if not more. If you can, raise a glass for me because this day for many reasons outside of my control will be painful and tedious.

Yes, there it is. Mariah Carey, WHAM, snow, and other festive crap.

Yes, you guessed it. I hate it every time.

No magic to be felt, my birthday mashed somewhere in-between. Not like anyone cares. Makes me like it even less because of forced festivities with my family. As usual I'll work my ass off preparing cool stuff for my family anyway because that's the only bit of happiness I can get out of it, since my element of surprise has been constantly ruined for past 8 years.

Sure, at first glance it might seem like I'd want some cool gift. Nah, I just wish I had this element of surprise instead of money every year. The only thing that could probably salvage this mashup of pagan beliefs we call a Christian holiday.

And of course my birthday is on Monday after so nothing nice can come out of that aside from a pile of crap at work. Fun.

I can't believe I have to make this journal one year later. But yes. My test came back positive. At least it's gonna be prolonged vacation.

Not changes on this profile, no, don't get worried. Still more Hifu goodness to come. If anything, changes in life that are rather annoying.

One year of sleeping on the mattress in the living room. I effectively moved all my shit here at this point until grandma kicks the bucket, or until old folks move to their new place. In this day and age it's worth putting up with this shit just a tad longer to have my own place and some calm. Though I can see that I've been resorting to drinking more and more in the last months. Depressed? Drink on the weekend. Sad? Drink on the weekend. Bad week at work? Drink on the weekend. What a fun loop. Can't even make myself feel better otherwise, outside from those moments when someone surprises me with Hifu art and I'm in high spirits and extatic over it for a week or so.

Anyway, that aside - work keeps kicking my ass more and piling up more shit on my head. Now in addition to everything else I did I gotta operate a saw and make wooden stamps from scratch. One way to lose my fingers I guess.

Generally those days more and more I wake up with the attitude of "I'm not in mood for anything". And by anything I mean...quite literally everything surrounding me. That's fun.

Friends come and go, but regrets stay forever. I've been breaking up and reconnecting with some of them so many times I lost count. Finding the good dynamic is hard, but it pays off in the long run. Though granted, I'm hardly a people person nowadays. Told one of my friends I hate life in general a few days ago and he didn't talk since.

Honestly it's so hard finding comfort, let alone looking for it in other people since everyone seems so fucking busy, or tired, or just as depressed as I am. I sometimes don't feel like carrying on, but that might be the alcohol talking.

I'm rambling but I'll wake up tomorrow and everything will start all over again. Gray morning. No pleasant surprises. Nothing to expect from life.

Good night.

Remember to get vaccinated guys. I got my first dose of Pfizer one yesterday. Granted, I feel like shit (actually worse than during my covid episode) and I'm in bed with a fever, but it'll help in the long run.

Stay healthy guys.

Alright, everyone. It's been a while. It's been some time since last one and I should give an update, I think. I mean, I'm alive and posting art, that can be seen by pretty much...anyone actively following me. So thanks for the following, really. I usually think Hifu is a bad OC and all that crap. Doesn't stop me from doing this for myself, but seeing others like her design is a nice boost.

Anyway 2021, hoo boy. Still camping in the living room on mattress. It's stupid how people can get used to inconvenience over time. Grandma didn't get better after rehab, still stuck in my room. I'm sometimes bitter over that fact, but it won't last forever. Plus, there are some prospects of improvement coming this year.

My whole workplace has covid but my immunity apparently stayed since November. My section was the only one that operated when everyone else was sick as a dog. I guess that's something? Oh yeah, and I'm finally getting my first dose of vaccination on Wednesday. Got Pfizer, even though I was aiming for Moderna...but it's good as well.

Next thing, friends. I've had to let go of a long time friend of mine. I know he won't read this anyway due to certain developments on his part, but I kinda(?) miss him despite those events. It's been like, two months since then but things have been vastly different without his dumb jokes around. Can't even share certain memes with him due to, well, our specific inside jokes. But shit happens. Can't forget those things that easily.

Other than that, life's been...fine. Had a few moments throughout these last few months where I really wanted to give up, but people have been there for me and I can't thank them enough.

I also feel like it's time to make amends with some people, even though some of them might hate me for who I am, or my beliefs, or other things I've done.

I guess... that's it? I'm still alive and kicking. In this trying time I got back into music I listened to in middle school. Man, Limp Bizkit is still good.

https://youtu.be/ADSTD-MprPs

Or more like, the afterthoughts. Yeah, yeah, I could protect myself while going outside all I wanted, but someone was bound to bring it home regardless. I live, it wasn't as bad as I expected, the only downside is that I completely lost my sense of smell. Food? Nope. Alcohol? Nope. Chemicals? That's a nope too. I can only hope to get it back before Xmas, that would be great. But I suppose I should be thankful for the thing being otherwise kind to my body.

Still, remember to protect yourselves when you're going outside, guys. Peace out.

Hey. So I don't really make journals nowadays, but this one is a bit special. Generally, things went to shit badly. Not for me, but for my family mostly.

For context, I still live with my parents because renting something of my own is a bit out of my range for the time being, especially after all the price hikes where I live. And I'm sharing my room with grandma. Type 2 diabetes, post stroke, post heart attack, fucked up left leg after hospital screwed up a procedure so she lost feeling in it, that sort of thing. So much for the context.

Couple bombs dropped yesterday. She fell and broke her hip. It's shattered to pieces, she needs a surgery, I'll have to give up my own bed and sleep somewhere else since mine is a bit taller and more suited for her needs after the surgery (provided she pulls through it, as there's a big chance she might not make it). And she can't be taken in for a rehab since waiting times are out of the ass and living with her at this point would be a bloody mess. Since she didn't get up much before, now it's going to be near impossible. Add helping with cleaning and changing diapers, that sort of thing.

To get to the point, I'm going to cease my activity here for the time.l being and focus on more important things. Hell, I even need to gather money to bribe the doctor so she can be taken in for rehab ASAP after surgery, without unnecessary moving to and from home.

Since this incident came to light, I got to learn something else. She also has a late stage cancer spreading to her bones but didn't treat it since she just wishes to die. Fucking great.

Side note: that means both sides of my family had cancer and I have increased likelihood to developing one in the future by myself. Now that's making me stay positive as fuck.

Anyway, I hate to do that because usually I'm too dumb and proud for that sort of thing, but if you guys could help a bit more and help me gather some money for the doctor, I'd greatly appreciate it. There is no "deadline" or anything, but the sooner I can get it sorted out the better.

https://www.paypal.me/PunishedSnakeNull

Chip in or just you know, send me a note and we can at least talk for a bit. Every bit of support counts, mental or otherwise.

[UPDATE]
Well she survived. Now to hope that good doctor moves her to rehab without making any issues.

That's something I want to get off my chest while I'm still somewhat intoxicated.

First of all I'd like to thank my current watchers for well, watching and interacting with my crap over here. It means a lot more than you'd expect. I can come here, check notifications and go like "Oh, someone actually likes some of my OCs! I didn't do a bad job after all!"

Secondly, artists. Those who did pieces for me, those who drew me some freebies, and those who took on my requests as of late since I wanted to give other OCs some love while being unable to actually properly post due to the current...situation I'm in.

Thirdly, friends I made over here that carried over to other platforms and still interact with me, even if on some days I'm just fucking unbearable.

And lastly, people reading this journal. You're great guys. Keep on keeping on.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37265858/

Good stuff, check it out.

Well, it happened, I got a Nintendo Switch recently, and with it - Animal Crossing. Anyone out there willing to play together, visit each other's islands, maybe catch some bugs (and not STDs for instance)? Note me and we'll exchange friend codes and all that.

So I've been thinking a bit and started wondering if anyone would be interested in custom stamps? I generally do those as a part of my job, but it's mostly for companies, corporations and all that crap.

Here's some examples of what *could* be done though: https://drive.google.com/folderview.....OXCFVgirm3O3P-

I'll try to add more as I go, but it's hard to do since most of the things contain personal information falling under GDPR.

Anyway, thing is - would anyone be interested in custom stamps even? When it comes to shipping, I'd have to figure that out but seems to be around $15 all across the board, I've yet to decide on stamp pricing, but total shouldn't exceed $35 for a single one, shipping included. For the initial run I'd do wooden ones, like in the picture from my Google Drive folder, but if there's enough interest I could start doing pretty much anything from Trodat offer of automatic stamps. For now it's be just wooden ones, sizes ranging from 10x10mm up to 70x70, though keep in mind there's a minor difference in price with bigger ones.

Thoughts?

https://youtu.be/6lle05rD0qE

Seriously, good song. Has been on my mind for the whole duration of this day. Blame me playing Granblue Fantasy Versus. It's a good game. Thanks to my friend who gifted it, really great stuff.

Happy birthday me. One year older, none the wiser. I'll go to work, do some overtime, get back home and sleep. Day like any other. Make sure you enjoy yours.

Yeah, I might hate christmas but that doesn't mean I'll just leave it like that. Some of you might enjoy it. So, merry christmas to you, watchers. Whoever you are and wherever you might be. Hope you enjoy them more than I "enjoy" mine.

Honestly, screw it. All of it, in its entirety. I can't think of December as a happy jolly holiday month with xmas and lights and gifts...just no.

For me every Xmas is associated with disappointment, forced family time, having own birthday forgotten due to it being so close to the festivities and shit. Yeah, lovely. When someone tells me I should be happy I can't help but think "Yeah, fuck you". Then again nobody's aware of my personal feelings related to this season. I usually cry when I have to remember most of those holidays from my early years. I don't feel it and honestly I'd prefer to be comatose until December ends, just so I could skip it.

I even get mad at the mention of Santa Claus. I remember writing letters to him, just so my parents would know what to get...oh, but no. Never got stuff I wrote down. It's not that my family was too poor, that wasn't an issue. BUt as little as they were at home, they still thought they have a better idea of what I liked. And always ended up with "practical" things that ended up largely forgotten, or with a "practical joke" and being a laughingstock to my family when it came to opening gifts. Because making your kid cry during that family event is a great thing, right? Ha ha. Funny. Those letters were so pointless. I still got those things later as an adult when I started working, cause I didn't ask for a friggin' miracle, so at least there's that.

UPDATE: I should've mentioned this earlier, but I wrote this journal in anger. My parents were away most of the time so I was alone. And not even Christmas could make them spend more time with me. It almost seemed like they didn't care about me or what I wanted, just dropping mandatory stuff and bashing both Xmas and my birthday into one day for convenience so both of them could go to work on 27th instead of staying with their kid.

"I don't want to come by/celebrate it this year at all" - "BUT YOU HAVE TO IT IS TRADITION". I can't give a flying fuck about tradition if I have to literally pretend to enjoy my time, because feeling about it any other way than positive is an offense.

It's not even about gifts anymore, as I got used to not getting anything or just an envelope with money so I could fuck off, while I still try to come up with things they'd like that aren't money.

So yeah, fuck holiday season. Even though the main event's 2 and a half weeks away.

So, if any of you enjoy this season - that's good, you can make some great memories. But not here. No "Merry Christmas", no carols, nothing. Just keep it to yourself and people who actually enjoy it.

I have returned and damn, I missed y'all. I've seen stuff, I visited places, now I want to drop in my bed and die. Oh wait, I can't. I have to camp at train station and wait for my train, then a 3 hour ten Bell l home, and maybe then I can sleep. Woo.

Hello, fellow snake-lovers and perverts. I assume some of you are one or the other! Anyway, I might be out of reach for next week or so, since I'm going to Israel to.meet my friends and forget that rest of humanity exists. Hope you have a good one.

Honestly, this pisses me off. That one day where I actually want to spend time with people, talk, play some games with them...and nothing works out. Or I'm left without an answer.

"Hey, can I join you if you're not doing anything important?"

Nope. No answer. Boy do I love that. And honestly, I'd love it if I didn't get worked up over minor things like this. But of course I have to be a clingy fuck that can't enjoy simple things in life, oh yeah. Went as far as trying to play the thing I dislike just to soend some time with those peoplr, but it felt like a waste of energy. So here I am pondering if I should return to old ways of coping with that, or just try to forget. I honestly feel like shit. I didn't get anywhere with my friends, didn't achieve anything with them, and being left unanswered makes me feel like I'm actual piece of garbage. Or less. I know pain is temporary, but no amount of crying or keeping it inside fixes this. Guess I'm doomed to being clingy and overly attached to everything, then overreacting. Fucking shame. Here I thought being lonely for first X years of my life would make me used to that.

Newsflash: You don't get used to it and it gets fucking worse with each year.

Journal song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mGBaXPlri8

Oh well, another long overdue journal, this time one month passed by...

So what has changed, you ask?

Absolutely. Fucking. Nothing. Weeeell, I went out with people - which I don't do often. I attended a wedding. Played more games, read more books, read more manga (Citrus is amazing, honestly). I've also...well...I got a new character, and literally no ideas for her so I'm open to those. Really open. Throw anything at me, even artworks! (Boy I wish people threw arts of my chars at me...)

Also, shinies are apparently a thing. I'm no artist but I've set up mine for...whatever reason. Guess I can live with hope that someone likes the snake side of me so much they wanna see more arts with her. And have an actual impact on what happens to her. That'd be cool. But oh well...hopes and dreams, hopes and dreams alright.

Other than that, work's still being ass at times. People are still being good friends so thanks to y'all (and psychotherapy) I can actually function like a normal human being for once, and feel motivated to do things. Hooray! Happy snek.

So yeah, I guess that'd be all. Hope y'all have been fine.