From one end of the year to another. And I'm already noticing a bit of a trend with myself.

The start of the year was alright for the most part: new year, new things I could do, but for the most part I often found myself just merely staying still and stagnating for no real reason other than "I just don't feel like I have the energy/will/desire to do anything". During summer I did feel like I did more, especially since this year I was a volunteer at my local LAN-event that's always arranged during the first full week of June - definitely an unusual time and gave me a new experience from different perspective, even as I was worried that I would either run out of energy or would do some big mistake that would come to haunt me.

It's the latter half of the year that I realized how much I became more and more reserved and shut-in: motivation slowly started to dip in and this affected me not only with the way how I was feeling, but also how much I wanted to draw. And while I did draw quite fairly this year, I've neglected to post most of them over here on FA due to me thinking that "these aren't all that great, why should I upload them?" - a disservice to both myself and to all of you folks following me for my art.

Most of the doodles that I am about to upload here in a dump were mostly made either as a quick doodle in Discord servers I was hanging around and therefor think they were mostly just things I made as a form of inside jokes or quick throwaway ideas, so uploading them to everywhere felt like a bit of a bother - especially since I often keep wanting to make something greater and grander, but can't always pull through because of my mental fatigue. A case of wanting to give more than just mere quick doodles yet overpromising and overcomplicating it for myself rather than keeping things simple.

Near the end of the year, I've started to realize that I've become self-aware of my downsides: usually when something distracts me, distraughts me or otherwise affects me in a way that causes me to avoid something, I start to pull away from doing things because it feels overwhelmingly weighty on my mind and back - doesn't help that when I realize this, I become more ashamed of myself, which further fuels this cycle of "I want to do but I'm not able to at the moment, therefor I feel ashamed from not trying and now I don't want to do anything because if I try and do, I will let down myself and others" -feeling and thinking that kicks in. What doesn't help either is my habit of isolating myself when I become tired, whether socially or not: the few times I was able to be around with people face-to-face made me realize I need to have those kinds of moments more often, since it does break the monotony of being inside four walls with my own thoughts and worries, inadequacies and personal self-chastising from not being able to do enough things due many a reason (or excuse) - not to mention, breaking off from the woes of the world that we have to read, watch, listen and endure these days.

I know I'm rambling, maybe even running in circles with what I'm typing, but... that is honestly the best way I could describe how the year went: started slow, went fine near halfway point, then started to slow down and sort of receed - don't know how much: a little? A lot? I'm not really sure, since the pessimist in me would think it's far too much, when the reality I cannot always see from my own mental tunnel vision could say something else different. Could be even worse, could be just a case of "just try a little more, no biggie" and I'm not seeing it.

At least I realized my downfalls. Just a shame I tend to instinctively latch onto those more than on the little victories of joy that are fleeting. If anything, I have to do better - within reason, of course.

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TL;DR: Felt like I fumbled more than I progressed and I can only apologize for that. I sincerely hope that the next year will be better in regards to my personal progress. (And I do wish next year will be better for everyone in general.) Also posting art, so brace yourselves.