previous/begining


You are now Ricardo Banderas, you and Brian are sitting outside of the administrators office because you heard MacFarland yelling about a new girl and jogging up to the building in a manner that could almost be described as skipping.
“Think she’s gonna be hot bro?” Brian asks
“Fuck, I don’t know, that’s why we’re here.” you say
“You finally gonna get your dick wet?”
“Depends on the chick, man I want the first to be memorable.”
“Bangin a two ton bitch would be pretty memorable.”
“That’s your territory, I want someone who’s fine as a motherfucker and not just some bitch.”
“That’s why you’re a virgin.”
“I’m not a virgin, I’m a winner!”
“Oh shut the fuck up man.”
“Nah, you shut the fuck up, you ruin all my game bro with your crusty ass shit.”
“I attract plenty of game.”
“Yeah, fat white bitches.”
“What’s wrong with fat white bitches.”
“Dude, I won’t take the top of the line Mexican Chicas because they’re mainlander bitches, why am I gonna go for the fat white bitches.”


“What’s your problem with Mexicans?”
“How the fuck don’t you get it?”
“Shit what are you Cuban, I can’t tell the difference between Cubans, Mexicans-”
“How the fuck don’t you get this, you murder your own kind for being born on the wrong side of Shit-Poop Avenue and having a different favorite color.”
“Ok, that’s different.”
“No the hell it ain’t-”
“Take a gander at this boys!” MacFarland says as he emerges from the building. He holds a half naked skunk lady’s arm in one hand who has a look of pure terror across her face.
“Why is she naked?” Brain says
“What the fuck did you do to her?” you yell
“I didn’t do shit, and this is the new bitch!” he says, letting go of the lady, who drops to her knees and begins perpetually staring down at the ground. You smell something is up, but you don’t know what, but hopefully it’s nothing or something you can handle.

“Why is she so shiny?” Brian says
“Don’t know, feels like rubber though.”
“Is that a suit?”
“Not from what I heard. I’d say for you guys to get acquainted with him but you already have!”
“Him?”
“That’s right! It’s your old buddy Dylan.”
“Excuse me motherfucker? What?”
“What the fuck are you on about bacon?” you yell
“He pissed off the the Mistress, something about stealing shit from the kitchen.” MacFarland says
“Wait, hold the fuck up, she did that.” Brian says while gesturing at Dylan or the skunk or whatever “To Dylan. For stealing food or something?”
“That’s what I heard.”
“Oh, ok.” Brian says before turning and sprinting away at speeds far faster than you’ve ever seen him go before.
“Where the fuck is he going?”
“I have no fucking clue.” you say
“Is he coming back?”
“I can’t say for certain.”


“He better come back because I know you can’t grow.”
“You’re a fucking idiot then, he handles the finances, I handle the actual production.”
“What… the fuck… are you… talking about?” says the Skunk Dylan
“Marijuana.”
“FUCK YOU YOU COMMIE PIECE OF SHIT!” it yells
“Are you ok?”
“NO I’M NOT FUCKING OK! WHAT MADE YA THINK I WAS?”
“I don’t know. Are you actually Dylan?”
“I don’t fucking know anymore.”
“What the hell happened to you?”
“I don’t know but I don’t FUCKING LIKE IT!”
“Ok… I have a feeling you don’t want to attract attention right now, and you’re kinda naked, do you want to get into some place private?”
“Fucking please, I want to die.”
“Ok… My pad is a little bit away from here, you can chill there for a second and then maybe get your bearings, you look a bit shaken up.”
“Fine…” he, she, it, Dylan says. And you begin to cover Dylan by using your tank top as some sort of a curtain on one side of Dylan and you on the other. You begin moving towards your place and MacFarland asks where you’re going. You tell him on a business trip and to get back to you later. He scoffs and walks off.

The walk over there was incredibly short as you live in almost the closest possible dorm to the building, but the entire time you were getting looks, both from you being shirtless in 20 degree weather, but also because there was a large skunk tail to your side. You enter the dorm bloc and notice the low sobbing now that the outside noise is gone. You try to reassure Dylan about everything but don’t even know what you could do, so you tell Dylan you have a secret surprise that may help, which you do. Dylan does not respond and upon entering your dorm, flops on the floor and stares at the ceiling. Your dorm doubles as a storage room for some of the “produce” you make, and can be classified as a warehouse. You essentially have a wall of the product, packaged and stacked in front of the door.
“It smells like the jungle in here.” Dylan says
“It really doesn’t, but that scent is here to disguise the herb smells.” you say very cheerfully
“How much is all this?”
“How ever much Brian and I feel like it is, we have a monopoly on weed here.”
“Huh… If I take enough of this, will I die?”
“No, you’ll probably have a really good or a really bad time, you can’t overdose on the plant.”


“That’s a shame.”
“So what exactly happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it… at all.”
“That bad?”
“I can’t remember most of it anyways.”
“Did she really do this to you because of stealing food from the cafeteria?”
“No, the crusty old bitch did it because my personal hell seems to be the only thing that can get her wet anymore.”
“Really?”
“She admitted it and then had me roast her, then used those roasts for criteria of whatever to do this.”
“How were your roasts?”
“I went all out… but as she said, I’d live to regret it… you wouldn’t happen to know how a vagina works would you?”
“Personal experience?”
“I don’t know… you’ve fucked someone right? So you know-”
“No, I’m still a virgin.”
“How the hell are you still a virgin?”
“I am a botanist, and as with plants, I am very picky with women.”
“Ok.”
“Also I’m a massive racist.”

“You don’t say?”
“Yeah, I refuse to be with someone who’s not from Cuba, my homeland.”
“Really now? Not even someone like Suzana?”
“Nope, she’s taken and again, I don’t like other races.”
“What races do you like?”
“Some whites are fine, just not the Ameri-mutts, actually come to think of it I think I just hate westerners.”
“Jesus you’re a communist.”
“You keep saying that like it’s shocking, you’re in college, who isn’t a communist with the pricing of this bullshit.”
“This is an elitist school, full of people related to douches who would kill you for even mentioning Castro, I think I’m right to assume there’s not many commies. Come to mention it, why are you here?”
“Make connections, influence the bourgeoisie's offspring, get names, get locations, exploit and learn to dismantle a broken system. I’m here to destroy.”
“Ha… so why are you always so friendly then if you want to burn this whole place down?”
“Easier that way, they’re not going to expect death smiling at them.”
“Why are you so nice to me? I tell you to fuck off daily, but you just keep insisting-”
“You’re one of the few people who’s not a stuck up Senator’s son, you are always a victim of a system, and you honestly just make me feel bad, and the guilt of witnessing what happens makes me look through you being an asshole.”

“I think I’ve gotten enough honesty for today… I just want something good to happen, ya know, like I’m supposed to be robbed later, but honestly I just would have had him drop me if I knew what was coming later.”
“You want me to deal with francis?”
“Listen, you’re a nice guy, but what the fuck are you gonna do to make him fuck off?” Dylan says while staring blankly at the ceiling. You then get up and walk over to your underwear drawer and rummage through it before pulling out MacFarland’s lost Glock 19. You then walk over to Dylan and stare down at them with the gun behind your back. They briefly look at you before staring back up at the ceiling. You then pull out the pistol and point it at their head. Dylan immediately freezes in fear.
“This isn’t for you, I just wanted your attention.” you say
“And you fucking got it.” they say, crawling back to your wall, trying to get away.
“You asked what I could do to Francis and that is your answer, so now let me ask you, what do you want me to do to him?”
“I don’t know, not kill him.”
“Why not?”

“I... genuinely don’t have a reason why not, but I don’t need more problems right now.”
“That makes sense, but I think this would eliminate many of those problems, don’t you?”
“No.”
“Ok… I have a few more questions for you.”
“Ok.”
“Firstly… you can stop cowering now, you’re not being shot.” you say and Dylan relaxes slightly “Ok, firstly, what are you now, gender wise, or what would you prefer to be referred to as?” you say and they think a while before responding
“Male.”
“Ok, secondly, why are you naked?”
“My clothes are fucked, and my jacket just slides off.”
“Ok, why are you suddenly so calm, like you were yelling about everything a second ago and I would be shitting myself right now?”
“I am completely drained I guess, all of this is just too much... Is it ok if I sleep on the floor?”
“I have two beds here and only one is in use, you can use the other.”
“Thanks.”
“Ok, so, last question, what dorm are you in because I’m going to get you your shit?”
“What do you mean?”
“Clothes, so you’re not just prancing around everywhere pantless.” you say and he tells you where his dorm is. You then tell him you’re gonna be quick and begin walking off towards the building.

You walk for a few minutes and enter his dorm bloc and see Francis shaking down Roberto at the other side of the hall. You begin to decide how you should handle this and decide that you don’t feel like subtlety right now. You can either threaten Francis to leave, or draw the gun on him, rob him, then make him leave. Which will it be?

PAGEBREAK

You are now Marshal Gardener. You made a promise earlier today about getting Dylan’s shit back and set out to do so but couldn’t find Francis. You know your girlfriend is gonna be pissed if you don’t, so you decided to go and find Dylan and ask him. You know roughly where he lives because he nearly started a fire in his room one time, so you’re heading over there. You enter his bloc and start to look around, then notice Ricardo. You go to say hi, but he just keeps walking with what seems to be a purpose in mind. You decide to follow him, and after a little, you see Francis pinning Roberto to a wall. You assume this is probably what you’re here for and continue approaching. You get within speaking range and then begin to say:
“Hey asshole d-” but you immediately stop as you watch Ricardo untuck his shirt and pulls a gun out from behind his back. He then takes it and puts it up against Francis’ temple

“Hey there hillbilly.” Ricardo says “Why don’t you go and take off your shoes.”
“Heh, hi there, what do ya want my shoes for?” Francis says in a voice trying to mask his nervousness.
“Doesn’t matter, take them off.” Ricardo says and so Francis does “Now take off your pants.”
“What the fuck?”
“Take them off!” Ricardo says while pushing the gun more so into Francis’ head. And so Francis takes off his pants to reveal he has no underwear. “Jesus christ you redneck piece of shit, where is your second layer?”
“Obviously not on me.”
“Ok. Take off your shirt too, leave them all here, then run back to your dorm.”
“Am I getting these back?”
“Nope.”
“Can I at least keep the shoes? I have only one pair.”
“Shoulda stolen some others then, Francis.”
“Marshal, you’re not going to stand for this are you?”
“Marshal? What?” Ricardo says and then turns around to look at you “Fuck… you didn’t see shit, ok?”
“All I have seen is a tiny penis.” you say
“It is cold.” Francis replies angrily
“Better warm up by running back fast then.” Ricardo says and so Francis runs off

You stand there for a second in fearful silence, and so does Roberto, as Ricardo ties Francis’ shoe laces together, then hands them to you.
“Do me a favor and throw these onto a telephone pole.” he says
“Ok” you say and then begin to turn and walk away hurriedly
“Hold on.” Ricardo says and so you stop dead in your tracks “Where’s Suzana?”
“What the fuck are you planning on doing with her?”
“I have a friend with a questionnaire that she’d be perfect for.”
“What type of questionnaire?”
“It would be easier to show… anyways, Cristero, I need some of Dylan’s shit.” he says to Roberto
“W-Why?” Roberto asks
“You’ll get an explanation soon, but I need his clothes and shit.”
“Why are you taking everyone’s clothes?” you say
“I don’t want Francis’, but I thought having him run around naked would be funny.”
“Why do you want Dylan’s?”
“Well to say it plainly, something happened to him with the Head Mistress and his shit is thrashed, currently he’s mostly naked on the floor of my dorm.”
“Wait what the fuck did that bitch do to him?” Roberto yells
“You’ll find out in a minute, I just need his shit.”
“What exactly? And why did he come to you?”
“Loose clothes, actually maybe tight but not a tight shirt, definitely a belt, and sandals or something… actually never mind on that.”
“Why all that? What’s going on, and again why did he come to you? Doesn’t he hate you or some shit, so why’s he in your dorm?”

“Simply he came with me because I was there and I live really fucking close to the offices, now can we just go and get his shit.”
“Sure.” Roberto says and leads you both inside of his dorm before frantically searching through what you assume is Dylan’s shit. You ask him why he’s going so fast in his searching and Ricardo says speed is probably a good thing in this situation, which causes Roberto to search faster. After a short time, Roberto finds what he was looking for and you three begin heading for Ricardo’s place. On the way, you toss Francis’ shoes onto a power line and Ricardo applauds your accuracy, then high fives you. You eventually do reach Ricardo’s dorm and upon entering you notice a massive pile of packaged marijuana as well as all sorts of other shit.
“Holy fuck man, that’s a ton of weed!” you say
“Yeah, I grow it, where did ya think it came from?” Ricardo says
“Brian.”
“He deals, I make.”
“Damn… how much are you selling?”
“How much to keep you quiet about the gun?”
“One of those bags.”

“One of those bags?! Those are 2 gallon bags, do you know how much that shit is worth?!”
“No?”
“The answer is however much I want, and that price seems fine, but that’s yours and yours alone, no Tim, no anyone else?”
“What about Suzana?”
“Sure, her too, why not.”
“Where’s Dylan?” Roberto says, and Ricardo looks around for a second and then points behind the weed pile. You also look back there and find an extra shiny skunk sleeping in a bed “Holy shit did she infect him with the fucking virus?”
“No, my bet is witchcraft because that shit takes longer than an hour to change that much, and it doesn’t add the other additions.”
“What other additions?”
“Like the shiny shit?” you ask
“Yeah, that and some other shit that we need Suzana for because I can’t help with that.” Ricardo says
“What can she do that you can’t”
“A lot, because I don’t have those parts.” Ricardo says and you take a minute to think of what he said, then you realize
“No… did the bitch, like, ya know?” you say
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Roberto asks, looking angry to the point of tears
“Does he have tits or something?” you say somewhat jokingly
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!” Roberto yells
“W-wha?” you hear Dylan mumble, while slowly opening his eyes

“Man are you alright?” you ask
“What the fuck are y- Marshal?” Dylan says groggily
“Yeah?”
“Why are you in my-” he says while looking down at his snout “Oh? OH SHIT!” he suddenly yells and scrambles back to the wall, throwing the blanket over himself as he does so, which covers all but his tail. “Why the fuck is he here? Why the fuck did either of them come?”
“Saw them both at your dorm, saw Francis too.” Ricardo says
“YOU DID NOT BRING THAT CUNT HERE!”
“No I didn’t, but I did mug him at gunpoint and made him run naked through the campus.” Ricardo says and you start hearing Dylan laugh hysterically from under the covers “Are you feeling better after your nap?”
“No, I’m fucking not, esspecially because there’s some people I do not want to see me right now, here, as I wake up!”
“Hey man, I’m here for you, you-” Roberto begins, but gets cut off
“No you weren’t and… I don’t blame you… but I don’t want you seeing me in this state, ok?”
“Ok, but I saw you in-”
“How much did you see?!”
“They only saw your face and arm, nothing more.” Ricardo says

“Ok. Ok. That’s not ideal, but… fuck.”
“Dylan, like if you don’t want to be revealed or anything, I won’t say shit, and this isn’t the first thing I’m keeping quiet about today either.” you say
“What the fuck is he going on about?”
“He saw the gun.” Ricardo says
“Ok, ok.”
“I got some questions man.” you say
“Like?”
“What do you need my girlfriend for?”
“What?”
“Ricardo said you had some questions for her, and I think I might know why, but I’m not saying anything about my suspicions right now.”
“Stop being a fucking detective, god damn it Marshal!”
“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to process shit right now. A lot has happened today.” you say and hear a lot of angry hysterical laughter from under the covers
“I sure fucking bet it has Marshy my boy! I bet its been sooooooooo fucking confusing for you! I bet you’re questioning everything you thought was true up to this point! Bet it’s hard for ya Marshy, bet it’s real fucking hard!” he says in a deranged tone, accentuating the weird new voice he has
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, I know you’re like going through shit right now, but whatever you need from Suzana is probably not going to be the best timing, cause she’s kind of on her period right now.”
“FUUUUUUUUUUCK!” he screams

“She’ll still probably going to talk to you-” you begin but stop when you hear crying from under the covers
“Dylan, how can I help you?” Roberto says, nearly on the verge of tears again
“G-get me the gun.”
“No.” Ricardo says “I’ll take names, but you’re not taking this.”
“What the fuck do you mean by take names?” you ask Ricardo
“I am not opposed to killing people.”
“Holy shit dude!”
“What?”
“How can you say that so openly?”
“How can you be such a pansy, why is everyone here so opposed to killing people? Aren’t like all of your parents involved in one genocide or another?”
“What? My mom is dead and my dad is a businessman.”
“What business?”
“Toyota.”
“Your dad is one of the main vehicle suppliers of every terrorist group known to man.”
“W-”
“Stop, just shut up! Just let it all end!” Dylan yells
“Please just l-let me help.” Roberto says on his knees crying
“Why the fuck are you crying.”
“I’m fucking useless!”

“AAAAAAAAAAGH! How?! How the fuck?! How does this shit happen? HOW?!”
“I’m sorry. I’m so-”
“You know what fuck it! Fuck everything!” Dylan says as he throws off the covers and reveals he is fully a skunk and also a woman. No one says a thing as Dylan stands there atop the bed, but you subconsciously congratulate yourself for getting the prediction right. “Huh? Nobodys complaining about their shit lives now? Your pathetic problems? ‘Oh no, Dylan, go easy, I’m confused, it’s been a very tough day’, you know what? Fuck you Marshal! Fuck you and your perfect life where the only problems you encounter are those others are having! Fuck you!”
“Sorry man, I know that now isn’t the right time, but like, I sorta just say whatever’s on my mind.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah.”
“So, what’s on your mind right now? Let that burden off of your poor little brain!”
“Nice tits.” you say and with that the entirety of the rooms’ atmosphere changes. Roberto stares at you with a face that says he wants to kill you. Ricardo stares at you in astonishment, and Dylan just gives you a blank look.

“What? You asked?” you say to break the silence. Dylan then starts the deranged laughter again
“How?” he says
“How what?”
“How can you be that fucking tone deaf and still have a girlfriend?”
“Hey, she likes the honesty.”
“When she asks you if she looks fat, do you say yes?”
“Yeah.” you say and Dylan and Ricardo begin to break out laughing “What? I’m not going to lie to her?”
“Marshal, is your brain smaller than your dick?”
“Look who’s asking.”
“MARSHAL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” Roberto says as he tries to strangle you, but can’t because you’re taller than him. You then put your hand on his forehead and keep him away as he tries to swing at you. This causes Dylan to laugh more psychotically, collapse to his hands and knees, then roll off the bed and flop onto the floor, facing the ceiling.
“Marshy my boy, you’re a fucking moron.” Dylan says, smiling at the ceiling
“You ok?” you ask
“Not in any way, not at all, no.”

“You’re speaking really weird.”
“Do you mean my voice or what I’m saying?”
“Both?”
“I’m very aware of it… did you actually bring me any clothes, because the blind rage is wearing off and I’m feeling exposed again.”
“Yeah, here.” Ricardo says as he drops the clothes pile by Dylan “If you want we can move to the other side of the weed while you change.”
“I’m as naked as I think I can get, what am I gonna do, feel scandalous in underwear or some shit?”
“I don’t know.” Ricado says and Dylan goes to put on some of the clothes, first starting with underwear that immediately slips off
“I want to fucking die. What the fuck am I supposed to do now, am I not allowed to wear pants? Did the bitch curse me with perpetual nudity?”
“Saw how your jacket slipped off so we brought a belt.”
“Lovely, now how the fuck am I gonna deal with the tail?”
“Cut a hole were it begins and then do the belt around it.”
“That… actually might work, do you have a knife?”
“I have shears.”
“Alright.” Dylan says as he puts on the pants and then measures where the tail would go as Ricardo goes to fetch the shears.

Ricardo comes back with a pair of gardening shears and some heavy duty scissors. Dylan then starts to cut with the scissors and then asks why everyone is watching everything he’s doing. You begin to speak and he tells you to shut up and so you do because you’re tired of being yelled at. He cuts a hole and a nook, then shoves the tail through and puts on the belt. The pants stay up and he asks for something to fix the slit in the top of the pants. You think maybe he could stick like a bolt through it and use a nut as a defacto button. You also think he could just use a couple safety pins or something, which do you suggest?

PAGEBREAK

You tell him about the bolt and he laughs, saying it was the one intelligent thing you’ve said today, and it’s still fucking stupid. You begin to protest but he tells you to shut up and you do.
“Ha, people listen to me for once, where the fuck was this power in my earlier days?” Dylan says
“Dylan, you’re like twenty, the-” you start but get cut off
“I MEANT WHEN I WASN’T A FUCKING ANIMAL YOU HALF-WIT!”
“W-”
“No, shut your trap. Just close it, don’t speak. Please, for the love of God, or whatever the fuck is fucking me with its divine might. Please, everything you say is just absolute bullshit.”
“Damn Dylan-”
“MARSHAL SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Roberto yells
“You finish crying to just yell at me?” you yell back at Robertp
“Shut it or I’ll cut your balls off an-”
“Can we not talk about loss of sexual organs, cause it’s sorta bringing back RECENT TRAUMATIC MEMORIES!”
“Dylan, can I see the pants for a second?” Ricardo says
“Hey if I was in your situat-” you start
“You’re not. Also sure, lets see if you can fix this dumb problem.” Dylan says as he takes off the pants again and Roberto takes them over to a desk
“Well, if I was, I’d at least like try out some of the new parts or some shit like that if I was in your situation.” you say
“Oh, would ya now Marshy? Would ya?”

“Yeah, I would, like aren’t you curious how stuff feels? Like, idk I’ve wondered how it would feel to have boobs and stuff like that.”
“Marshal, it was curiosity that damned humans into endless toil on Earth and kicked us out from the Garden of Eden.” Ricardo says while doing something with the pants
“Oh, ya wonder Marshal? Wanna trade sit-che-a-tions, wanna lose your dick and humanity, be poor as shit, have no destination in life and even less now so? Cause I’d love to be getting daddy’s ceo money, have a girlfriend, and not have to work a day in my fucking life because of it. Let’s find a way to trade, yeah? You want your questions answered and I want a taste of not having to worry about everything constantly. Sound like a deal?”
“That’s not what I meant?”
“That’s a shame, cause I’d love a taste of your life.”
“My life isn’t that easy-”
“WELL IT’S SURE AS SHIT EASIER THAN MINE!”
“Yeah, I can understand that-”
“Can ya Marshy? Can ya?”


“Yes I can, I was just saying-”
“Sayin something stupid and insensitive, I know.”
“I’m not trying to-”
“Then try harder or shut the fuck up.”
“You know what, I understand I’m not the best person for the job-”
“You’re not the best person for anything with even the remotest bit of thought it seems.”
“Ok ok, fuck it, I gotta ask, where the fuck did this side of you come from? Like when the fuck have you ever spoken up about anything?”
“Well Marshy, what do I have left to lose? What consequences can my actions bring that will make my situation worse? I’m no longer human, no longer a man, and I’m talking to the school’s favorite dumbass, completely naked. Tell me Marshal, what do I have left to lose?”
“Damn.”
“Damn? Is that all? Is that all you have to say?”
“Well how the fuck am I supposed to respond to that?”
“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!”
“Dylan, I fixed the pants… maybe.” Ricardo says as he brings them over with the nut and bolt button thing
“Oh boy oh boy, love having to bring a power drill with me everytime I take a shit from now on.”
“If you can sew, you can make an actual button, but for now, you got this.”
“Well, looks like I finally did something right today.” You say
“Marshal… go eat a dick, like actually, shove something in your idiotic mouth so that I don’t have to listen to you anymore.”
“Ok. Wait, actually can you shit? Like are you supposed to eat or something cause I don’t think you’re flesh anymore.”


“Wow Marshy, that was really thought provoking, way to add more dread to my pile of constant fears.”
“Not my intent, but have you tried at least.”
“Marshal, I do not know how to use a vagina, and I feel like if I fuck up and piss on the floor, that I’ll decide that was enough, and go out to kill myself.”
“Ok. I’m going to get Suzana then to help you with that or something, alright?”
“I don’t know?”
“Ok. I should be back pretty soon.” You say as you begin to walk out the door.
“Marshal, I’m sorry for yelling at you, I’m ju-”
“Hey, no sweat man, I understand.” You say and then actually leave. As you’re walking out of the dorm, Ricardo calls back and says you forgot your bribe, so you go back in and take it and then begin heading out again. As you’re exiting the building you see Brian walking up, looking far more paranoid than usual. You say hi and he asks if you’ve seen Ricardo, you say you have and that he’s in his dorm, but he should knock first. He thanks you and you both continue walking.

You are now Brian. You went off after your introduction to what the head mistress is capable of. You’ve been waiting in your dorm for a while now, thinking someone would come to get you, but the waiting is killing you and your fear got you to move again. On you, you have several things including four knives, some grenades you made from fireworks, a lighter, an old hatchet, and a lot of pills. You walk over to Ricardo’s door and knock on it. You hear Ricardo ask who it is and you state that the roses smell off today, which is a code to make sure things are ok. He tells you the correct code word back and tells you to come in. You do so and see Roberto.
“What’s the Me-He-Can doing here?” yo ask
“I have Dylan here right now. Where did you go off to?” Ricardo asks from the other side of the Weed Wall
“I’m preparing to get the fuck out of here c-”
“Cause you think what happened to Dylan is going to happen to you, or some shit?”
“Yeah.”
“Brian the bitch did this to me cause she fucking hates me, that’s why. She gets off to my torment, not yours. I don’t think you have to worry.” Dylan, or who you think is Dylan calls from behind the Weed Wall.
“Damn, did that bitch really just do this cause she dislikes you?”
“Yep.”

“That fuckin blows.”
“No shit. So you were going to leave, what stopped you?”
“I needed my gay lover for emotional support and so I don’t die. How’s my favorite skunk lady holding up?”
“Poorly, very fucking poorly.”
“Wearing clothes now?”
“Sorta, I’m like made of rubber or something so shit just slips off, and I got pants now at least.”
“Interesting. I have a lot of shit on me that I want to drop off, is Brad’s bed still vacant?”
“That who used to live here?”
“No, Dylan was sleeping on it earlier.” Ricardo says
“Got somewhere to put it then?” you ask
“Depends, what is it?”
“Volatile shit.”
“The desk.” he says and you unload your stuff.
“Why do you have a pipe bomb?” Roberto says
“Frying pigs and hunting witches. It seemed necessary.”
“You have pipe bombs?” Dylan asks
“Yeah, I can make em.”
“Interesting, thought your S.O. was the top cause of the gun, but now I don’t know.”
“Which gun?”
“Brian shut!” Ricardo screams
“Wait what do you mean which gun?” Dylan asks

“Like this mother fucker is gonna snitch? The pig will laugh it off if he does.” you say
“Roberto, stand outside.” Ricardo says
“Wait why?” Roberto asks
“Can’t trust you.”
“Why not, I won’t say anything.”
“You have no willpower. If interrogated, you’ll snitch on yourself, everyone you know, and people you don’t know just because someone came out and put on latex gloves or something. Shit, I believe you won’t even stop at shit people have done, you’ll admit to stuff they didn’t do, like I run a risk to myself just by having you know me.”
“Fuck you! Filthy Commie!”
“What, you gonna cry again?”
“No.” Roberto says as he steps outside. You then wait a minute and go over past the wall to see Dylan’s shirtless skunk body. He looks at you rather annoyed.
“Do you mind?” Dylan says
“Not like I didn’t see this earlier man. But anyways, yeah, We got a few, and we been outside the campus a couple times. Wanna know what’s out there? Wanna know the truth? Wanna know what keeps us trapped on this mountain for eternity?”
“You’re god damn right I do!”

“Fucking zombies.”
“What?”
“It’s the truth, there’s zombies out there and that’s why we haven’t left yet, or left permanently.” Ricardo says
“Yeah, like we ain’t been out there long but there’s no civilization as far as the eye can see.” you say
“FUCK! So what then, are all our families dead?” Dylan says, looking a lot less annoyed and a lot more worried
“You’re from the midwest right?”
“Yeah?”
“Well we don’t know if it’s the same out there, we don’t know how bad it is back west, but we do know, that no matter how bad, this is the safest place around.”
“None of this is fucking real right?”
“What?”
“I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and we’re gonna be doing classes. I will be human and I will be male, and I can leave here whenever right? That’s why none of this makes sense, cause this is all a dream right?”
“Sadly no bro, it’s real.”
“It’s gotta be a dream right?” Dylan says starting to cry

“Hey man, it’s alright, it’s all cool, we did see people though.”
“You said- you said you didn’t see anyone.”
“I said we didn’t see any civilization, we did see people.”
“They weren’t the nicest though.” Ricardo says
“What do you mean?” Dylan asks, whipping tears on Brad’s old bed
“Spooky ghosts.”
“The fucking Ku Klux Klan, two of them bitch ass crackers.” you say
“What happened?” Dylan asks
“Blasted them. They didn’t see us, so we went up behind them and shot em in the head, two shots, two dead bitches.”
“You two really aren’t opposed to killing.”
“Dude I’m from fucking North Broadway, not New York, but Baltimore, it’s kill or be killed there.”
“I thought you were the son of a senator.”
“Mother fucker, I am, he’s the Senator of Maryland, but dad wasn’t always the senator, he was originally a factory worker, but he went to politics cause my uncle got gunned down for just walking down the street one night.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s been like eight years man, it’s ok.”
“Ok, what about you Ricardo, why are you so numb to violence?”
“I come from a family of revolutionaries in Cuba, ex slaves, and they did not teach me to trust the Americans. My grandfather killed some fucker in the Bay of Pigs Invasion, cut off his hand for having six fingers, then taxidermied it and kept it in his apartment.” Ricardo says

“Holy shit!”
“That’s not all, My dad was a PNR captain, brought me to watch executions sometimes, Uncle and aunt were in the army, other grandfather died in the revolution, Great Uncle torched a landlord with a molotov then hung his wife from a nearby tree-”
“Holy fuck, why are you in the US.”
“Baseball.”
“Really?”
“You think the oligarchs of this country give a shit what the people they support think as long as they can make a quick buck? The government funded and created the assholes who blew up the twin towers and still indirectly supported them since the last time I checked, which was two years ago.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah, so anyways, about the guns, those KKK fucks had a pump action shotgun and a bolt rifle.”
“Yeah, we hid both of them though.”
“Ok… well I learned a lot more than I wanted to today.”
“Yeah, give yourself a rest man.”
“Actually, I have to know, who pulled the trigger?”
“I did.” says Ricardo
“Well fuck, ya know how when you said to just say a name and you’d shoot the person?”
“Yeah.”
“I was thinking about saying Marshal, cause I didn’t think you would.”
“I wouldn’t even if you said so.”
“Ok… but Francis?”
“Someone is going to kill him eventually, I don’t know if it will be me, but someone is going to do it and no one is going to be sorry, not even his whore.”
“Yeah, b-” Dylan starts but there’s a knock at the door

“Roberto, you can come back in now.” Ricardo says
“Marshal and Suzana are here.” you hear Roberto say from outside
“Good, let them in.” Ricardo says and you hear the front door open. You peak your head out just to check the reaction to the Weed Wall, then speak
“Suzzy, mi casa su casa, how do you like-”
“I live here dipshit, not you!” Ricardo says
“Hey guys, why do you have so much marijuana?” Suzanna says
“We are the sole suppliers of it on this campus.” you say
“I didn’t think you guys grew it, but I knew you had a lot.”
“Well who else but us?”
“I honestly couldn’t tell you.”
“Cause no one else could do it baby!”
“I guess. So why was I brought here exactly?”
“No idea, I got here like five minutes ago.”
“Yeah I saw him on the way over.” Marshal says
“We need your feminine ways for something.” Ricardo says from behind the weed wall
“Like what?” Suzana says
“In a literal sense we need your feminine ways because no one else here knows what the fuck we’re doing.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Suzana I need some help.” Dylan says
“Whom?”
“Dylan.”
“Oh shit, what happened with the man child, did you get your guitar back?”
“I don’t think it ever left my possession.”
“It’s still in the dorm.” Roberto says
“Ok, that’s some good news today then.”
“Did he actually drop you? You sound different, did he do something to you?” Suzana asks again
“No, this doesn’t have something to do with the Grease Monkey.”
“Wasn’t that Roberto’s word for him?” you say
“Yeah, but I find it funny and it’s really descriptive.”
“What happened then? Why do you need my help?” Suzana says
“To be frank I got cursed or something because Orson isn’t just some cunt, she’s a witch or something.”
“Did she turn you into a frog?”
“No she turned me into a fucking skunk.”
“Oh? Why as skunk?”
“Dylan, I for one think you woulda made a lovely frog.” you say
“Brian, do us all a favor, grab your pipe bomb, tie it around your chest, walk into Orson’s room, then light it and blow the hag up.” Dylan says
“I’m all for violence, but not Jihad man.”

“Whatever… anyways, Suzana I could probably talk about this for hours to avoid the inevitable, but honestly I shouldn’t be so scared to expose myself because even your borderline retarded boyfriend kept semi civility to this.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Suzana says
“Hey fuck you I am not retarded!” Marshal yells
“I asked you if she asked if she was fat, then what would you say, and you said you’d tell her she’s fat.” Dylan says
“She likes the honesty, I said this already.”
“He’s not wrong, we agreed that keeping secrets from each other was counterintuitive to the relationship, so we decided to make it so we have complete and total honesty. He says I’m overweight if he thinks it’s true and I tell him his less than five inch penis doesn’t get me going all the time.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? He has less than five inches?” Dylan says
“Why do you have to expose me like that?” Marshal says shyly
“BECAUSE YOU CALLED ME FAT TO A BUNCH OF DRUGGIES AND SOCIAL REJECTS!” Suzana yells
“Fucking hell, how long does he last in bed?” Dylan says
“Less time then it takes him to pee.”
“Holy shit, I had more fucking game than the quarter back, that bitch took that opritunity from me.”

“None of what you’re saying is making any sense, what do you mean by this witchcraft talk?”
“You know what, I got nothing left to lose.” Dylan says as he walks out from behind the Weed Wall, still shirtless. “Behold the conundrum I face and why it must be you to help.”
“Oh… ok… So what, are you looking for an introduction to using lady parts or something?”
“Exactly.”
“Ok... I think I can help with this, does your guys’ dorm have a bathroom?”
“It’s only mine and no it doesn’t.” Ricardo says.
“Ok, then we’ll go and use mine. Dylan can you put on a shirt because we can’t have you walking around topless.”
“Yeah, the shirts fit I think, but I’d like a jacket of some sort and mine just slides off cause it’s made of leather, also It’s kinda busted cause of something I wasn’t awake for.” Dylan says
“You can have my Flannel then.” says Ricardo
“Thank you man, I’m going to treat you to something after this is all over, or normalish.” Dylan says and then changes into propper clothes. He, Marshal, Suzana and Roberto then all leave to go over to Suzana’s place, leaving you and Ricardo alone.

“So, you think they’re gonna be ok?” you say
“Yeah, but because of all this, we are getting THEM involved.” Ricardo says
“They creep me out though, how do they know everything about everyone and how would they know she’s a vampire before she did anything?”
“I don’t know but they haven’t lied about anything so far.”
“That’s true, but I hoped things would just work out eventually.”
“They will, we’re going to join the Republic after the overthrow and then we can live in peace.”
“Maybe.”
“I’ll find the Indian, when they come back, tell them I went to go and get a safety measure and if anyone asks what that means, just give a brief glance at Dylan, he’ll understand and convince them to drop it, after all, he’s not going to rat on us.”
“Maybe.” you say and then lie down on Brad’s bed. There will be blood soon, you think to yourself

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