Do you know how uncomfortable and awkward it is to be celebrating your birthday with just your family? Then being asked by your family if your going to invite some friends over to relax or chill with and having to answer back "I don't have any..." because I have no friends...

Ever been so lonely with no friends to celebrate with in person or know of any who are in life to have fun with for your special day?
Not having a birthday party later in your years? Even being thrown a surprise one? Just realizing all you have is yourself to wallow in your pity of your lack of socialness?

I've lived most of my life without knowing what a party really is for myself. Sure, I've been to parties but not for birthdays. When I happen to be near a birthday party or even invited to someone's? I just feel empty inside and avoid it or make an excuse to not attend. I'm not sure how to accept gifts for a birthday either. Every time this time of year, I almost breakdown and cant do anything for the day.

The earliest birthday I remember was when I was eight (8) years old and all the kids were picking on the "Birthday Boy" because being autistic and not knowing how to socialize with the other kids made me the awkward one. I remember a kid slamming my face into the birthday cake when I went to blow out the candles. I don't remember teh rest but that much I remember. The next year on my ninth (9) birthday, my family invited all the kids from my class and not one showed up. Just me sitting alone in front of a cake and crying while trying to blow out the candles not knowing why my classmates/friends were not there. After that my family tried to have my birthday at school. That did not go well either and wish to not remember it. After that, had no more parties, just family celebrations.

Later in the years, no one asked me to take me out to a party or even drink to celebrate my birthday. Just me alone.... So, I would just not work, just relax and sleep and maybe cry and wonder what life choices caused me to not have friends. So yea, Adux has a boring life of no fun or experiences to share of fun times with others.

IzaPug did an amazing job capturing my emotion on that one birthday as you can see in the art. This was going to remain as a private commission but I feel like I should share it.

The image depicts me a few years ago where I actually broke down emotionally really badly where I could not stop crying for the entire day. Realizing that I have no friends or people to celebrate my birthday with or even just to have company. Just a birthday card from my family, that's it.

I have friends online and one day will get to meet them all and am extremely grateful to have them. Just not having the ability to be in person for my birthday makes it hard to cope with.

I'm not asking for pity or such, just thought sharing my personal experiences would help me cope for my day today. Sad Taur hours incoming....

© Adux Relen  aduxrelen, Art ©  IzaPug