That almighty frown looks rather fitting on the ruin of your face.

Its contemptuous, but there is a scalding grin spilling from the manic froth. A cyclone, a river, the glee inside of the rapture. It is the nest, pushing eggs over the branches and spitting them off the side like blood and mucus.
I can't help but watch the colors slowly mix together. Exiting like a bowl of ink and milk, it is Meaningless grandeur. Beautiful.

11 years. One comment. One piece in favs.
This is ridiculous. I love this corner of furaffinity.

aaaaa i cant get enough of new cool english words. Meth to the vein

How much is "one drink"? Is it a constant?

I measure it in fifths at this point. 80 proof Smirnoff red, chased with...whatever. Beer, watered down gatorade or some sort of juice. I don't mix, just take it straight and drink something iced and usually non alcoholic before the burn hits.
One 'drink' is 50 ml. Hence 750 ml...
Typically five is when I hit 'cruise', though sometimes it's six. This occurs within the first hour. After that it slows down, ten by three or perhaps four.
I killed a fifth before I wrote the rat thing, at which point, there's this strange slice of time wherein I exist as both a drunk yet oddly rational. The mechanics of life seem most obvious then, I can intuit my own thought process, see the bones, all the way back to Chixiclub. That's the state I'm addicted to most, though I rarely achieve it. The oscillations between sobriety and shitface are usually too heavy handed for that sort of thing.

Alright, i understand. Thanks

I wish it for you because you wish it for yourself. You didn't do so good today. tomorrow try again okay?

I'm not going to lie. For all the threats of family member, the thought of living out of my car, it doesn't make a difference. I exist as two different people...they're asking me to murder someone to save myself. Can't do it. He's too real, too much a part of who I am.

Learning to co-exist sounds better and kinder to yourself. I just worry more about your liver going out on you at some point. you need one of those. Or your kidneys. you need those too. Can both of those people coexist on less liquor and more honoring your two selves instead?

That's the heart of it, isn't that? En vino veritas as they say. Not hurtful to others, doing physical evil to the outside world, yet destroying myself in an ocean of poison silence. The destruction being done to my form isn't the entirety of the function, the trouble is that my mind hates where I'm at in life. Alcohol is not at fault, maybe my choices are in some sense, truth is sometimes the road just ends.

You live with an alter ego you see, not celebrity bullshit in costume it's all too real, an evil twin with his own mind and thoughts. Sober the next day sometimes you can't remember, that is perhaps a mercy, yet that other person exists and there's no denial. They say just bite the steel of that, let it go, and of a sudden there's a loaded gun to my own reflection.
So yeah. It's likely the two of us are gonna die down here. I just can't pull that trigger.

But they are both you. surely there's an equilibrium you can find that's less destructive for you.