Field Report: The Vastorian Passiva

By Dr. Halvess Kairn, who definitely expected more from these universe-sized paperweights.

I’ve catalogued life forms made of plasma, thought, shadow, geometry, and once, unfortunately, bees.
But the Vastorian Passiva?
These things are on a whole other level of “oh stars what am I looking at.”

At least, that’s what I thought—for about five minutes.

Let me start from the beginning.



I. First Encounter: Awe, Shock, and the Sudden Urge to Take a Selfie

Lyr and I arrived in their realm—or whatever passes for a “realm” when the environment cheerfully ignores the idea of dimension. According to Kuro, it is called "The Ark of Stillness"—and immediately we saw them:

Colossal titans drifting across a blank eternity.
Disconnected arms floating like moons.
Eyes burning like red hypergiant stars.
Galaxies spiraling lazily in their chests.
A shining halo that wasn’t ornamental but functional, humming with infinite potential energy.

And beneath all that?
A blade-like lower body tapering into an impossibly sharp edge, as though someone sculpted a god out of nebulae and then said,
“Needs more stab.”

They were beautiful. Terrifying. Awe-inspiring.

And then… nothing.

Just nothing.

They just floated there.

Not dormant. Not sealed. Not dead.

I couldn't help but just...marvel.
To think. Me and my wife. Just vibing in the cosmic void like with a species with nigh-omnipotent power. And yet....they did...nothing.

I turned to Lyr and whispered, “Are they… loading?”

She shrugged.
Her ethereal shrug said everything.

Suddenly, their home being called The Ark of Stillness makes a lot of sense. Nothing moves here. Not even its sole inhabitants.



II. The Heavy-Hitting Powers (That They Never Use Like… Ever)

If these beings weren’t the least motivated titans in known existence-for better or for worse-they’d be catastrophic. It's trul

1. Essokinesis / Reality-Warping

Vastorian Passiva, simply put, can do practically anything. They can make any thought of theirs real.
Rearrange physics.
Unwrite paradoxes.
Delete causality for casual purposes.

They are technically the weakest reality warpers in the universe, being far outclassed by the Cosmioids, Kuro herself, and Them(story for another time), but that’s like saying someone is the shortest skyscraper.
Still huge. Kuro even mentions that should a gag character somehow make it to real life, they have the power to....."remove their toon force"? Whatever she means by that, it is not like the Vastorians will show us themselves.

2. Size Manipulation

They can be anywhere from
“infinite multiverse-sized demigod”
to
“as small as the average Redditor’s dating history.”
(Lyr actually laughed out loud at this one. Good to know cosmic ghosts appreciate comedy.)

3. Living Blade Bodies

Remember when I said their lower halves resemble blades? That isn't just a part of appearance. It is also functional. They are capable of literally launching themselves like swords at transcendent speeds.
If a cosmic monster could reenact a shōnen anime finisher move, it’s these guys.

4. Invulnerability

Nothing hurts a Vastorian Passiva unless it’s:





another Vastorian



a stronger reality warper



or something magical ( more on that later)

Otherwise?
Your attacks may as well be emotional support gestures.



III. Their Stunning, Horrifying Weaknesses

For all their power… they have flaws. Oh stars, the flaws.

Honestly, this feels like the universe looked at them and said:
“You can be godlike, but only if you promise to never actually do anything productive.”

1. Reality Undoing

Anything one Vastorian does can be undone by another.
They’re like toddlers with cosmic Etch A Sketches.

2. Completely Useless Against Magic

For as absolute as their power is, it, and I kid you not, is completely useless against magic and mystical forces. Not even top-tier magic is required. It doesn't even have to be any specific kind of magic.

Literally *any* magic.
*All* magic.
If you can cast Light Heal from a starter spellbook, you’re already a threat.

3. Weak to Life Energy

Ki?
Chakra?
Chaos energy?
Your grandma’s spiritual tea recipe?
They can get hurt by all of it.

Granted, that is assuming they don’t blink you out of existence first but the thought remains boggling, no?

4. They Live in Hiding

Because stronger reality warpers exist and the Vastorians are very understandably Not About That Life.

5. Vulnerable to “The Power of Love and Friendship”

I wish I were joking.
Lyr wishes I were joking.

We hate that I was not joking.
But we observed it firsthand:

A Vastorian recoiled—recoiled—because two bonded souls hugged while radiating genuine affection.

It flinched like someone threw a Bible verse at a demon.

I nearly passed out laughing.



IV. The Great Cosmic Flaw: Eternal Inaction

Here’s the real kicker:

Despite their immense power.

They do.
Absolutely.
Nothing.

Not from fear.
Not from apathy.
Not from weakness.

They just… choose inaction.

Not meditation.
Not rest.
Not contemplation.

Just idling.

All that power, yet absolutely nothing is ever done with it.

Lyr and I spent what FELT like hours observing them, waiting for some cosmic event, some demonstration of power, some philosophical gesture.

Nothing.

A species with infinite potential, and they decide to be… background assets.

It was like watching a loading screen that would never finish.

Eventually, Lyr sighed—her beautiful ghostly voice echoing across non-space—and said:

“Halvess…
I think we’re bored.”

I agreed, but I managed to convince her that we'd stay five more seconds, just in case one of them blinked.

They didn’t.

We left.



V. Conclusion: A Species of Infinite Power and Zero Plot Relevance

The Vastorian Passiva are:





breathtaking



incomprehensibly powerful



beautiful in design



cosmically mighty



theoretically catastrophic



and utterly, painfully, aggressively inactive

The universe should be grateful they’re so unmotivated.
If they ever collectively decide to actually do something?

We’re all screwed.

Until then, they remain:
The greatest, brightest, sharpest cosmic procrastinators I’ve ever met.