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  • putting a speculum in a menstruating person and strapping them to a really big centrifuge and spinning them around real fast making the blood and tissue fly out is probably NOT the way to achieve painless and quick periods. however on the slim chance that it is i think we're going to all feel real stupid for not having tried it sooner

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  • i think the whole Having A Job thing would be less bad if people in management positions were capable of planning and abstract thought

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  • one time i hooked up with a guy and he ate my ass and jerked me off and then his boyfriend came home and was like kind of upset that he didn't get to have sex with me too. so i was like hey we can do sex that's fine by me. i can cum again. and so he's like ok lets take a shower together and ill jerk you off in the shower. and as hes jerking me off in the shower he asks if i use my phone while i shower. and i say no. and he says he always uses his phone in the shower. and sometimes he takes off the case and washes his phone with shampoo and water just for fun. and he's broken five phones this year from doing that but he's not going to stop because he just wants his phone to be clean and feel good. hes still jerking me off as he tells me about this. this is a real story you have to believe me

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