Well those are allllmost done

question. why do you have 7 featureless grey monoliths in your driveway

There's eight actually but the last one is still in the garage

question. why do you have eight featureless grey monoliths

They're actually a really dark purple

question. why do you have seven featureless really dark purple monoliths in your driveway and an eighth in the garage

Some of them do have features though. There's holes and hinges and stuff, so I can put secrets in em

question. why do you have 8 really dark purple occasionally featureful monoliths

The heart wants what the heart wants

this reads like a muppet sketch

see? See!??!

You're not wrong

I literally CANNOT read the words "supine" or "prone" in anything without thinking about that post that's like "supine is when you lay on your s(u)pine and prone is when you lay on your pronis"

the Game Changers series really shines because in every non-Heated-Rivalry book Ilya Rozanov shows up like a horrible bisexual Russian Columbo to torment the queer hockey-player leads because he immediately clocks them and he could be kind and understanding but he is god’s perfect gremlin and he chooses violence each time

when you drink all the wine in the house and then you have. :( no wine in the house

me when i excuse myself during a dinner party to sneak outside and milk more cabernet sauvignon from the Creature

had food poisoning when i posted this

Well if you'd pasteurized the Cabernet Sauvignon you milked from the creature maybe you wouldn't have gotten food poisoning from it.

oh suddenly everyone's an expert on the Creature i milk

our landlord has started ominously talking about doing property valuations for our flat so we've decided to make some mortgage appointments to see if we actually have any reasonable chance of buying something if we get kicked out. stressful, hassle, yadda yadda, but the point is i'm filling out this mortgage website's form with our details and it asks for your occupation via a dropdown menu

unsurprisingly, 'learning technologist' aka my job is not listed as one of their occupations. weirdly neither is 'IT support' which was the next closest position i could think of, but whatever, still not too unusual, but then i started scrolling down the list of what this website DOES have for accepted occupations and now i have some questions about how they establish what jobs need to be included as options

I will NEVER see a prehistoric dinosaur

I will NEVER see an anomalocaris. I will NEVER hold a trilobite. I will NEVER see a dimetrodon or an eight foot long millipede. and I will NEVER see a pterosaur

Well as much as it pains me to say it they died

hey can i be honest. i wish i could go the entire rest of my fucking life never seeing anything about the movie Elf ever again

i saw someone lamenting that so many tumblr users block eachother before they ever even interact just because the blockee seems annoying. i went to their blog and i looked at their pinned post and then, dear reader, i blocked them

i hit the blunt and immediately feel like a content aware scaled black cat

i do a weed and feel like this

get scrinkled idiot

collecting these

HOW could i forget this classic

Merry Christmas! I give to you: P*E*A*N*U*T*S! I have a few non-Christmas/New Year P*E*A*N*U*T*S that I’m saving for later. I rushed to finish these last night and this morning because I NEED my Christmas M*A*S*H post !! Interesting how they can never get the medical supplies they need but they do have 4 fake beards…

(Finally I have Colonel Potter Peanuts for all of you Potheads out there <3)

These are all available from my inprnt, which is linked in my pinned post!

GOD the ending of the martian (the movie) makes me so fucking mad compared to the ending of the martian (the book)

the martian the movie: i am the professor of badassery. you yourself can be badass too if only you learn to be completely self-reliant and say fuck you to everything

the martian the book: i am on a ship home. i am on a ship home because the entire world cared about me when by all rights i should have been a lost cause. long-standing borders were ERASED so teams of people who had never met could do EVERYTHING possible to save one solitary member of their species instead of leaving me to die where i should have been unreachable. it wasnt even anybody’s fault that i got stuck. they had every excuse to abandon me. instead, BECAUSE WE ARE A COMMUNITY…. maybe we do really deserve to be here among the stars