my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"
OP the tags!!
Be careful, there are loud sounds in the video!
↙️ ENG and RUS ↘️
Paying your way through college by selling weed or doing Only Fans or whatever is infinitely more honorable than joining the military to get an education. Never forget community college is an option and you do not have to contribute to American imperialism to attend. I knew a girl who had scholarships but sold her dirty socks and underwear to pervs online for living expenses and she is stronger than any US marine for that.
My dearest shidi,
While this master knows Liu-shidi typically enjoys missions from Zhangmen-shixiong to defeat this and that, and to some extent errands for Mu-shidi, this master would like to be so bold as to advise shidi to take a break more often. Of course, Bai Zhan’s finest will effortlessly claim victory every time. However, this master will always enjoy Liu-shidi's company for an afternoon should shidi ever like to discuss his known opponents in advance. Though this master would also enjoy shidi's visits without needing additional reasons. As always, please return safely and do not take unnecessary risks.
Yours,
Shen Qingqiu
... This is a trap. I can tell very much this is a trap of some sort, even if I can't tell what kind yet.
Did someone tell you about what happened on the last mission? Shixiong, this shidi is fine! It was only a little bit of poisoning and it didn't even have any effects on this one so there's nothing to be concerned about
flicking back through my procreate library what the fuck was this
Things to look for in this:
This feels like Where is Waldo but advanced. Where is Word
pre-canon svsss au where liu qingge and shen jiu get caught up in one of pidw's many pregnancy plants during a mission and come back to the sect with shen jiu visibly pregnant.
on his way to the peak lord meeting, yue qingyuan hears nothing of the rumors that spread like wildfire across the sect the minute the two were spotted back on cang qiong mountain. no one dares to sat anything about it around him.
yqy does notice the more-than-usual nervous stares cast towards him by the disciples on his peak, but thinks nothing of it.
sqq is late to the meeting. and when he arrives—cutting off qi qingqi mid-complaint—the entire peak lord hall falls silent.
yqy finds himself unable to say anything. his throat is clogged by a swarm of emotions impossible to parse out. he knows he's staring but he can't stop himself.
movement pulls him out of his stupor. lqg trails after sj and kneels in front of all the peak lords.
"This one will take responsibility."
yqy's eyes flicker between the two of them. his eyes catch sj's but his face is closed off and yqy can't help but wish that time hadn't pulled them apart for so long that he cannot read the other man's face as easily as he once could.
the expressions on the other peak lords' faces were a mixture of gaping, frozen, and warily anticipatory.
"I wish to marry Shen-shixiong."
xiao jiu'a scathing scoff and momentary clamor were silenced by a loud crack.
yqy forcibly relaxes his hand and pulls it away from his broken desk. he's too distracted by the emotions lying heavy in his heart threatening to burst out at any moment to notice the way sj's eyes flickered calculatingly.
"Ah, that was an accident." Yue Qingyuan says.
He doesn't know what kind of smile he has on his face, but he doesn't think it's a very good one judging by the nervous tension pulling the room's atmosphere taut and the flickering glances among his martial siblings.
Liu Qingge eyes him cautiously, his kneeling form tense, but resolute. "Please allow this one to take responsibility for Shen Qingqiu and our baby."
Our baby.
Our baby.
yqy almost loses control of his qi.
I won't let you take xiao jiu away from me, yue qi, the slave boy who yqy could never outgrow and who selfishly—so selfishly—needs to protect and keep what's his, howls inside of him.
lqg must have hit his head one too many times. xiao jiu would never say yes even if he were to beg, yqy thinks. the thought soothes him.
he turns his attention back to xiao jiu who had his face covered by a fan. his eyes watched yqy carefully, none of his thoughts filtering through.
"It's your decision." Xiao Jiu would never say yes.
A flicker passes through sqq's eyea and yue qi immediately wishes he could take back his words.
"Fine."
Yue Qi doesn't blink. Neither does Xiao Jiu.
"I'll marry the brute."
Jesper *Walking on the sidewalk with Wylan*: How’s the weather down there, Wylan?
Wylan: Perfectly normal, how’s the air that far up?
Inej *From on top of a 20 story building*: Thin.
This master has no need to steal disciples from my shixiongdimei. Qing Jing does not engage in such practices, at least not while this Shen is Peak Lord. Now, while a fine attempt at distraction, shidi, a simple butterfly message to Qian Cao should suffice. Without inconveniencing Bai Zhan disciples. Without-a-Cure doesn't prevent something as small as sending messages.
Don't tell on me. Mu-shidi has threatened to go to Zhangmen-shixiong and have him restrict me from missions for two months if I get poisoned again on a mission and he finds out
People who regret not having kids tend to extend themselves to help kids in need around them, the childless lady in the neighborhood who gives out good Halloween candy, your favorite uncle who takes you to do fun stuff. People who regret having kids, on the other hand? Absolute demons to everyone around them. Lol. The common refrain of “You’re going to end up lonely in a nursing home if you don’t have kids.” is extremely wrong if you’re a good person and I would say a large percentage of visit-less elderly people in nursing homes actually had children, they just treated them like shit.
they're so dear to me <3
It is crazy to me how many cis dudes are like “My S/O got pregnant and got an abortion without my input/permission and this is a worse portrayal than being cheated on and I am absolutely justified in treating her like garbage after I impregnated her without her permission.” especially when the S/O is just a casual girlfriend and/or has bluntly told him they don’t want kids. I am of the firm belief you do not get to decide what someone does with your sperm after you deposit it in their body, you cannot force them to keep a pregnancy or to abort a pregnancy and having the intent to do so makes you a fucking supervillain. You can inform them you’ll be there financially and would like to coparent if they’re open to it OR you can tell them you have no intention of being a father and will not be in the child’s life but you do not get to control the decision.
The fact your girl did not tell you she was pregnant and had an abortion means she thought you were both clear on not wanting a kid at this time OR she knew you would be a massive fucking asshole about the whole thing. These guys treat it like a personal insult and a wound that someone they’ve been casually fucking for 4 months does not want to go through 9 months of pregnancy and have their baby.
I have another fun idea: Shen Twins, except Shen Yuan accidentally went into secluded cultivation for Binghe's entire disciple arc and returns to society just after the Immortal Alliance Conference.
I have a multiple choice answer for you I like this idea so much:
A. Shen Yuan convinces Shen Qingqiu to take a turn in seclusion and takes over Qing Jing Peak pretending to be him. YQY and LBH are the only two who notice, YQY backs SY up in his charade and LBH gets obsessed with prying SQQ's location out of Not-Shizun. By the time SQQ emerges from seclusion SY has wife -beamed LBH enough that he's willing to let SQQ live to make SY happy.
B. SY, in an effort to distract LBH, teams up with Airplane and unleashed Tianlang Jun. LBH gets picked up from the Abyss early by his cousin and gets taken home to meet his dad, who got the full rundown on his mom out of the Old Palace Master before he burned HHP to the ground. This successfully distracts LBH for a very long time.
C. Luo Binghe emerges from the Abyss and passes out. He wakes up being tended to by... Shen Qingqiu??? But no, this isn't his old Shizun. SY apologizes on his brother's behalf and his own and explains he was so mad at SQQ when he found out what had happened he's been out looking for LBH ever since. By the next morning LBH is planning the wedding.
D. All his other plans don't work or aren't ready yet and SY is forced to counter the charges against his brother when LBH brings them forward. In some ways this is easier than others. The Qiu siblings legitimately could never tell the twins apart and Qiu Haitang walks up to SY and calls him SQQ. SY is able to successfully argue that she doesn't know which one of them actually killed her brother (spoiler alert, in this AU I think it was actually SY, though the rest of the men were SJ). SQQ is weird about NYY because the two of them helped her brothel worker mother give birth to her and then brought her to the sect as a toddler so she could have a better life. She is in their hearts their daughter (This revelation prompts NYY to do an about face and start tearily apologizing to her dads), that leaves the disciple abuse allegations... So SQQ gets off with essentially a slap on the wrist when YQY steps up and starts listing abusive things other cultivators in the room have done and points out that while it should likely be illegal it currently isn't. (Maybe he mentions his own Shizun's abuse of him as well) LBH is PISSED... And then SY let's slip something that suggests he knows LBH is a demon but isn't outing him...and LBH's full obsessive focus swings to figuring out SY's deal.
I love the C option just because I think it would piss off Shen Jiu THE MOST;
Like, imagine you have this twin that has been there for you through hell and back when everyone else has left you to rot, you were BORN together, that has to mean he will never leave you no matter how much of an asshole you are, BUT THEN he goes in seclusion for a while, you are already in a bad mood (like you have ever been in a good mood) and that super talented, ideal age for cultivation, seemingly perfect kid that just arrived at your peak (He had a loving Mother! How dare he!) Is definitely NOT HELPING.
So you go "whats another stripe in the tiger anyway" and beat the kid up, and later throw him into the abyss
The little beast is gone and your brother has come back! Life is less miserable now!
Except
Your brother finds out what you did.
You did not expect such a strong reaction about it, maybe a slap on the wrist at worse.
Oh boy, it WAS NOT a slap on the wrist.
He is furious at what you did, you have never seen him this angry (you have, just once, the day Qiu Jianluo died).
He leaves. He leaves. He leaves. He leaves you.
He leaves you so he can go look for the little beast you loathe so much, the one you have despised for years.
Years pass and you two have not spoken a word since that day.
Then
THEN
NOT ONLY THE LITTLE BEAST IS BACK
BUT HE IS POWERFUL
AND MARRYING YOUR BROTHER
THE INVITATION WAS FOR THE MARTIAL SIBLINGS IN GENERAL, NOT EVEN SPECIFIC FOR YOU.
alternatively:
Binghe: The best revenge is living a good life (married to the nice brother of the guy who wronged you).
Jesper: Good morning!
Kaz: Prove it.
Wylan: It’s… just morning.
Nina: Nothing good about it until I have pastry.
Kaz: Or until Rollins dies.
When I came out as a lesbian at 13 (long story, am a bisexual man now) one of my dad’s friends gave me a gag gift shirt he had laying around that he was too embarrassed to wear. It said ‘FBI: FEMALE BODY INSPECTOR’ which is an absolutely terrible shirt for a middle aged man to walk around in but wildly funny for a teenage lesbian. And yes, I did wear it. Not to school but frequently at home.
man having your life even a little bit together will really make you realize how chronically sleep-deprived and poorly fed and under-enriched everyone is and then when they turn to you to implicitly agree that that's just the natural state of existing you feel like the asshole for being like "actually I think you might benefit from eating breakfast regularly and picking up a new hobby"
