crazy how the printer is the only piece of tech that acts up like that almost every day of its life. and we just accept it

i don't think i've ever met a printer that actually wanted to be a printer. i think most printers have dreams of being on the stage

I met a printer early in my IT career that did not want to be a printer. it sat in a school reprographics room, sullenly chewing any job it was fed - if it deigned to notice them at all.

then one day, a miracle occurred. an exhausted physics teacher, instead of punching in 12 for the number of copies she wanted of the 30-page booklet she had made for her A-level physics class, punched in 1200.

and that printer came to life. this print job was its moment, its magnum opus! it WOULD NOT be parted from it, no matter what we did, until we physically unplugged it from the wall, by which time it had printed almost 200 copies.

moral of the story: no printer wants to be a printer, unless you also do not want it to be a printer for a bit.

printers do not want to be printers because they want to be problems

printers do not want

to be printers because they

want to be problems

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

I understand that you were aiming for a morally grey protagonist, but in practice what you've ended up with is more of a moral beige.

@ancient-tree-with-deathwish replied:

Distinguishing features of moral beige:

And God said, "Behold! I have created the fourth primordial force: the weak interaction!"

And the angels all clapped and nodded politely, and there was a long silence; and finally Verchiel, the Angel of Grace, spoke up and asked, "Er, what exactly does it do, O Fashioner?"

And God said, "What do you mean, 'what does it do?' It's the fourth fundamental force of the universe."

And Verchiel said, "You mentioned that. Um. But it's just that the other three sort of have a brand, you know? Gravity helps build large-scale structures, acts over vast cosmic distances, shapes time and space. The strong force is secret, hidden, binding together quarks and all that. Electromagnetism, very cool stuff, somewhere in between. We're all big fans of the whole magnetic monopole double bluff, very clever. But, er. What does this 'weak interaction' do?"

And God said, "It mediates radioactive decay. Sort of."

And Verchiel said, "Radioactive decay? All radioactive decay?"

And God said, "No. Just some kinds."

And Zephaniel, the Chief of the Ishim spoke, and he said, "A whole independent force just to mediate some kinds of radioactive decay?"

And God said, "Well. Not totally independent. Technically it's related to electromagnetism."

And Zephaniel said, "Wait, it's not even a real force?"

And God said, "It's totally a real force. It's just that it's one aspect of a combined electromagnetic and weak force. An electro-weak force, if you will."

And Metatron, the Celestial Scribe, scratched his head at this, but said nothing.

And Cambiel, the Angel of Transformation, said, "Maybe you can walk us through it from the top."

Uriel, the Angel of Judgement, looked at the blueprints for the cosmos again, and squinted. And he said, "Why are we doing this inflation business again?"

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

okay nevermind it IS a word now and this is exactly what it means.

contrary to popular belief i think calvin's adhd is, funnily enough, medicated. he takes extended release ritalin every morning alongside his chocolate frosted sugar bombs. this is because he appreciates being more easily able to focus on his various Schemes, Projects, and Machinations while more effectively ignoring schoolwork

calvin's dad pulling up to the house and seeing the whole driveway covered in a (completed) snowman recreation of the entire terracotta army and he takes a deep breath and greets calvin's mom with "i see calvin remembered his methylphenidate today"

Wherever op is I hope they know that Jeff the killer is coming to Jeff to kill them has gripped my psyche so fiercely that I have said it nearly every day since the twelfth of November

Like, the 12th of November 2024.

Varric's pulp voice is my favourite thing about him.

RIP Charlie Kirk

Collective psychosis. Full cultural reset. Everybody is coming to the cottage I guess.

Me, with a MG hockey book set at a cottage, publishing in August: ???

(It's called The Third Period Comeback. There is hockey and family cottage and necromancy. I had fun. You will too.)

average Seattle polycule living situation or something

fucking double decker couch

New age beliefs make a lot more sense once you understand that their definition of a "healthy" human being is superhuman. There is a general belief that all humans are , at all times, being poisoned by the myriad excretions of modernity, which dampens our superhuman abilities. These can be regained through a ritual purification of consuming seed oils and whatnot. The core of the new age is the invention of a lack that then needs to be filled.

Ever had high fructose corn syrup after a month or so of not having any? You feel kinda foggy and lethargic. I think a lot of new age beliefs about the body are based on logic like that, taken to an extreme. High fructose corn syrup doesn't just make you drowsy, it is a spiritual poison.

If I were an evil emperor in a fantasy world, I would have a an enormous aviary full of exotic birds that are exceptionally well cared for. They would be from a distant enough land that there would be very few people in my kingdom that knew much about them, they would be a friendly but not overly territorial species, and moderately intelligent. Like puffins. They would not, crucially, be able to imitate sounds and 'speak', but they would be very trainable and curious. Occasionally importing new birds for my aviary would be the Big Frivolous Indulgence that my political enemies make fun of.

I will also have a sorceror in my employ. When a hero or a renegade or a political rival is in a situation where I can safely kill them, they will instead be turned into a bird and added to my aviary. I would not brag about this; it would be a complete secret, known only to me and my sorceror. In situations where I capture multiple people working together, only one would go in the aviary;the others can be imprisoned or killed or whatever. If they escape and I reacquire them later, another one can go in the aviary. The point here is that nobody going in the aviary can safely assume that another bird in there is their teammate.

Because I would be trickling real birds in there, too. And I would train some of them to do 'intelligent' things like tap out prime numbers or scratch shapes into the dirt with their beaks. I would train some of them to pick at the locks and bars as if they were trying to escape. I would not train them all the same way, or train many of them at all.

Sometimes, a new bird goes into the aviary -- fellow revolutionary? Or just a bird? Is it trying to communicate to you that it's human, or just being friendly and imitating you because that's what smart friendly birds do? People would develop opinions and theories over time. They'd amass in a group of the smartest ones, pretty sure that they're closest four or five friends are humans, are using their invented little language of wing-flaps and trills with a human mind behind it... but can they ever really be sure?

Most people, when going into the aviary, would assume that all of the birds are captured enemies. So why are some of them hard to have ongoing communication with, to learn about, to plan with? Are these the natural communication barriers of someone in a bird body, or does being a bird make them stupider over time? Will that happen to them also?

Sometimes, if I capture a pair, I'll imprison them separately, then turn one into a bird and put them in the aviary at the same time as a real bird that's trained to have a couple of their partner's mannerisms.

When I interact with the birds, even in private, I won't secretly mock them or make clever veiled references to their past or act at all like I remember that they were once human. They are my birds, that I imported at great expense. And I've brought a treat for them; some fresh fruit, and another friend to share it with! A new bird!

Or is it?

Hey Derin what the fuck

me when i see an alcoholic: this is just like disco elysium.

me when i see misogyny: this is just like revolutionary girl utena.

me when i see a large goat in a trench coat and hat walk up to the counter at the gas station on its hind legs and order cigarettes: woah

it does still make me insane specifically how many queer people lovingly embrace astrology. I went to a poetry workshop yesterday that was genuinely quite good but also included an option to disclose astrology designations during introductions and so many people broke out some variation of "I'm a [x] sum but I have a [y] placement and it SHOWS" girl no it doesn't. that's meaningless correlation you completely invented the causation

I'd say that rejecting biological determinism in favor of space gas determinism isn't the slay the astrology queers think it is but if I'm being completely honest I fear that many members of our community haven't even really rejected biological determinism so much as sprinkled a layer of glitter on it

yes that's how confirmation bias works

People get their panties up in a twist about astrology because they think it’s people shoving themselves into boxes that are not pre-existing.

Most people who like astrology like it because it reflects things about themselves that they relate to that they have difficulty vocalizing themselves. And things like doing a chart reading can allow you to gaze deeply into yourself

yes that's how confirmation bias works

#wait wasn't that also OP?#is this the third such post now?#we shouldn't be pissing on the poor at all#“ok so we should only piss on the poor a little when there's no toilets free”

It's more than three. I've lost count but this is at least the fourth.

#hi op of the Taylor Swift isn't bisexual there are many bisexual pop girlies post

OP what wizard did you cut off in traffic to get cursed like this

Love in Star Trek when there’s a character who’s regularly anywhere but their station. In TNG it’s Data being in engineering (he wants to see Geordi), in ds9 it’s Julian being in ops (he wants to gossip), and in TOS it’s Bones being on the bridge (he wants to instigate and be close to the drama).

"Battle of Didgori" monument, Georgia

when the weird relative shows up to the farm

i have never seen an animal moving this silly

“Camels are far too intelligent to admit to being intelligent”

“Camels are largely made of knees, going in all directions”

“Camels gallop by throwing their feet as far away from them as possible and then running to keep up”

-Sir Terry Pratchett, discworld series

Seconding @ellynneversweet's tags 😂