Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

peaceheather:

asteroidtroglodyte:

I love the humor but also that he’s not hurting the little guy by putting any weight on him whatsoever

Oop. Something has definitely gone down at one of the worst schools in my city. Because I got a frantic email and calls about working there for full weeks for several weeks. And they haven’t been calling me for SHIT recently.

Which, unfortunately, means I’m desperate enough to take it. Uh oh. Well, let’s see what’s going on.

legsloveless:

plaguedocboi:

plaguedocboi:

theboboshow:

plaguedocboi:

We need to go back to using sailing ships full time like immediately. Yes it would take longer to get places but the Aesthetic is unmatched

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Like there is nothing sexier hthan this

Can’t wait for OP to get scurvy

Are you under the impression that the ships themselves are what caused scurvy

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Once again. Do you think this is the fault of the ships themselves

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inkskinned:

hey if this storm ends up being as it looks, you need to take it seriously, particularly if you’re in a southern state and not used to storms like this. i’m not a professional but my new england experience for losing power/etc is:

  • fill your bathtub with water before the power goes out. in an emergency where the pipes freeze, you’ll have semi-clean water. you can use this water for your pets, to wash dishes, flush your toilet, and other small important stuff. if you have no bathtub, fill as large a bin/pot/etc as you can find.
  • air is the best insulator. if you can tape plastic over your windows and major drafts, it will genuinely help. (they have kits for it, but i’ve used trash bags and duct tape). blankets/tarps/etc also work. leave space between the covering and the window - the layer of air protects you. shove towels under your doors.
  • in a true emergency, you can ball up newspapers and shove them into your coats/pants/etc between your base layer and your coat. it won’t be comfortable but it does insulate a little better.
  • have an emergency plan for your pets, particularly animals like reptiles that need constant heat to survive.
  • the weight of the snow and ice will be an issue. plan accordingly.
  • black ice is a bitch. if it looks “wet”, assume it is frozen. actually just assume everything is frozen for a little while.
  • if you do not have a generator or other emergency power source, DO NOT bring outside-use heat sources (like propane stoves) inside. you can gas yourself and die.
  • instead, if you truly have no heat source: focus on insulating a small amount of space in your house - a few rooms - and bring as many bodies and supplies in there as possible. do not break insulation if you can avoid it. you are a ~100-degree object. make your safe space into a blanket fort. you may go stircrazy but it is better than freezing.
  • if you have a fireplace you never use, check the flue and the chimney before the storm holy shit. i am not kidding about this. do not just start a fire willy nilly. you will burn your house down.
  • relatedly, if you start a fire and notice smoke is billowing back into the house: stop the fire immediately. your flue is closed or your chimney is backed up. you will burn your house down.
  • keep the fridge closed as long as possible; it lets the air out. but honestly like, my family has used snow as a fridge a lot. stuff that needs to stay cool will be less of an issue than things that need to get warm. plan accordingly.
  • most canned things can be eaten cold, but check the label. if you have a little sterno fire, it can go a long way.
  • if you develop a headache and feel weirdly sleepy, you may be forced to open a window. you might have carbon monoxide poisoning.
  • every year people die while shoveling snow. it is actually not very safe as a chore tbh. you need to go slow and take lots of breaks. you should also 100% wait until the snow has actually passed, only because when it starts shifting and undoes all your work, it will piss you the hell off.
  • have drinking water somewhere easily accessible. a lot more of it than you think completely necessary tbh.
  • fill your gas tank. it will help prevent your lines from freezing.
  • if you have a battery-powered light that’s not very strong, put it under a water jug, it’ll throw more light. idk why it works but it works.
  • just because you know how to drive in the snow doesn’t mean other people know how to drive in the snow. better to just not.
  • your device probably has a “low power mode”. probably best to just keep it on asap rather than be taken by surprise tbh. the battery will last longer.
  • great news to fanfiction writers: it really is better if y'all take one bed and huddle together for warmth. do not strip out of your clothes, though, i have no idea who the hell decided that was the smart thing to do. you want to keep at least a layer of leggings and a tight shirt on. the goal is to find the fine line between “warm” and “sweating” - you want to stay as dry as possible for as long as possible.
  • your hair, eyelashes, and nosehairs can freeze. just from personal experience: try not to rub or touch them, it can snap your hair off and then you’ll be very sad.
  • hypothermia is a lot faster and more evil than most people expect. watch for shivering, confusion, and unexplained exhaustion. if someone stops shivering, that is not always a good sign. if you think you/someone you love has hypothermia, warm them up slowly. often this is through rubbing/friction (or a heat source if available). keep them awake and try to feed them something.
  • same for frostbite: don’t just shove your hands into a fire. warm any affected area slowly. fair warning, as the blood recirculates, it will hurt :(
  • those blue rubber examination gloves under other gloves can help even very-cold hands stay warm.
  • liquor is not a good idea to drink right now, sorry beloved. but vodka/rubbing alcohol does work as an excellent de-icer if you need something small done quickly (like a lock/door handle). it’s just, like, expensive in comparison to other things lol
  • “i don’t eat that much anyway i’ll be fine” that’s the devil talking. you will not be. you will also probably be burning way more calories than normal. let the soft animal of your body eat a bunch of delicious snacks.

good luck i love you stay warm out there everyone

gummiehell:

swarnpert:

swarnpert:

*right clicks on you*

*views your properties*

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!! I’m losing my hair! Wowee!!

Okay, I’m not too happy with that, but it’s kinda cool! I had accepted that there would be high risk of me going bald, since every man on my mum’s side is bald and even two of the women have androgenic alopecia. But doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.

Oh well, I’ll just have to start using minoxidil on my head as well. I mean, that’s what it’s for lol

blappature-executive:

wizardshark:

hey can you guys keep an eye on my red explosive barrels while i go take a nap

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do NOT smoke weed beside them

Crowbar Hit 1Valve
Crowbar Hit 2Valve
Crowbar Hit 2Valve
What are you doing?Valve
Crowbar Hit 1Valve
ExplosionValve

goatedgreen:

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i love this image because not only is it accurate but also every time i see it i subconsciously scan the image to make sure its not somewhere i know. because everywhere in england looks like this. could be literally anywhere.

alabasteritaiaia:

tockae:

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Major update from Gävle: Goat down.

Cause: wind?

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Wikipedia says it’s official: the goat has been sacrificed!

callmebliss:

macleod:

callmebliss:

Y’ever read something and have understanding that has eluded you interminably suddenly stop, curl up, and snuggle neatly into a fold in your brain because a new way way opened to it?

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I’ve seen this passed around a few times, and I have one thing to say:

It’s online. The book was carefully and wonderfully recreated online by hand. You can find it here. The entire book is this easy.

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calculusmadeeasy.org

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TIL the highest honor is to be consigned to the processing vortex

crabussy:

crabussy:

crabussy:

crabussy:

every 14-16 year old is the bravest person on the planet to me

talking to a 15 year old like wow okay you are like if scrambled eggs was a person. I don’t know how to save you. the way you move through the world is reminiscent of a stray cat whose soul got punted into a human body. said human body is currently undergoing changes and floods of hormones that would result in cities being levelled if you were perhaps a big dragon and not a medium sized primate. been there. good luck I love you

you don’t have to excuse the behaviours of shitty teenagers, but you DO have to remember that they’ve been on this earth only as long as your cat. you have to ensure that the way you respond to said behaviour reflects this. yes they’re an entire person. they’re also going through a period of the most insane rapid transformation (physically, mentally, emotionally and socially) a person can experience in life. are they an irredeemable monster or are they just a very impressionable young person floundering through their first Strong Opinions based on what they’ve seen online, with ridiculous amounts of Hormone That Makes You Hate Everything in their bloodstream?

YOUNG TEENAGERS. are YOU an irredeemable monster or are YOU just a very impressionable young person floundering through your first Strong Opinions based on what you’ve seen online, with ridiculous amounts of Hormone That Makes You Hate Everything in your bloodstream? I’ll give you a hint. it’s the second option. cut yourself some slack too! try your very best to be kind, try your very best to consider people with differing experiences to you, and maybe take a step back from discourse that does nothing besides make you upset. you’ve only been an animal alive on this planet for a decade and a bit. there are artisanal cheddars at your local supermarket older than you. take it easy. eat more fruit. save up for a second hand bicycle. join a local club. it’s impossibly difficult to be a teenager but you have it in you, whether you’re aware of it or not. I hope you can be kind to yourself, because you DO deserve that kindness. kia kaha [:

lilyblisslys:

lilyblisslys:

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can someone draw this post as doctor who selfcest pornography

sorry wrong account