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Perfectly Happy ISB Attendant Now Supervisor :D

@ask-supervisor-heert

I affirm that I am well-rested, well-paid and not in the Attendant Union. I created this blog on my own volition under no pressure from COMPNOR.
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Hello, lovely loyal citizens of the Empire. I am back after an extended medical leave for droid-related injuries.

In other news, ISB Secret Santa has once again been cancelled for security reasons after attempted murder. Consequently, I have about ten pairs of socks that I was going to give to people that no longer can be delivered to their intended recipients. So, if anyone would like free socks with little AT-AT designs, please let me know.

Also, if anyone can tell me how to stop my tookas from attacking the Fete Week Tree, please let me know. Containment fields are not an option. My electricity bill is already much too high.

-Supervisor Heert

#imperial security bureau#supervisor heert#attendant heert#parody account#andor#andor season 2#ask the supervisor#galactic empire#tooka cat
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Anonymous asked:

Greetings, Supervisor. I heard a saying that if you get promoted in the Empire, someone took the fall for you, or they disappeared for various reasons. Is this true?

Greetings, anonymous,

I don't believe this to be true. It simply doesn't make sense if you think about it. What do people think happens in the Empire exactly? Do they imagine that we're just minding our own business, working on the bridge and suddenly someone comes in and strangles our supervisor. Then they just point to the nearest person and say "you're admiral now" or something along those lines? Rebel propaganda is truly absurd sometimes!

-Supervisor Heert

#imperial security bureau#supervisor heert#attendant heert#admiral piett#parody account#andor#andor season 2#ask the supervisor#galactic empire
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Reblogged rebellius
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The Great British Andor Bake Off, Round One

The Great British Andor Bake Off Comes To The Empire!

Over several rounds, twelve hardy contestants battle it out to be called Andor's best baker!

Week One: Bread Week!

Contestants have to bake:

  1. Signature challenge: a flavoured bread loaf
  2. Technical challenge: a round cob loaf
  3. Showstopper challenge: 12 sweet and 12 savoury rolls.

Notes: Please vote for who you think goes home. Voting period lasts 1 day until we get to the final 9.

Judges: Paul Hollywood, Mon Mothma

Presenters: Noel Fielding, Lagret.

An Extra Slice show and podcast host: Perrin Fertha

Potential contestants who said 'absolutely fucking not' because they aren't insane but are cheering on their boo / family member: Dedra Meero, Cinta Kaz, Maarva Andor, Ruescott Melshi

Potential contestants that wanted to be there but no one wanted to ask them: Blevin, Mosk, Corv, Sculdun, Kaido, Grymish, Gorst

Potential contestants that wanted absolutely nothing to do with this nonsense: Luthen Rael, Kleya, Lonni, Leida, Enza Rylanz

Wild card that had to drop out because they insisted on only 12 contestants: Carro Rylanz

Potential contestants who couldn't swim to the location to even be considered: Kino Loy

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My boyfriend says I make a "decent" sourdough, but everyone's a critic.

#ooc: the idea that kino loy really wanted to participate but can't swim to the location is sending me XD#ooc: I feel bad for laughing but I'm laughing
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jedi-janitor asked:

Hello, supervisor, what think you of Mon Mothma's outfits? I know she's cancelled af, but still.

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Hmm. I would say that first and foremost, it is impossible to "slay" in the name of the Rebellion by all respectable definitions of the word. And if an outfit doesn't slay, is it really worth discussing?

But alliances aside, I will say that she pulls off the flowing clothes far better than Orson Krennic. And ever since the incident with the Death Star, I feel free to say that. (What's he going to do? Haunt me? He's already done that, and it doesn't trouble me enough to stop me from speaking my mind.)

#Don't be a Rebel. Slay for the Empire today!

-Supervisor L. Heert

#supervisor heert#mon mothma#orson krennic#imperial security bureau#andor season 2#andor s2 spoilers#andor#attendant heert#heert is sassy and no longer gives a kriff#sorry I am so behind on responding to asks residency is consuming all my free time
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Anonymous asked:

Supervisor Heert, need I remind you that this agency is prohibited from interfering with matters concerning the Inquisitorius?

I believe the Imperial Security Bureau is prohibited from interfering with the actual business of the Inquisitorius. That said, as far as I know, the ISB still has full jurisdiction over its own employee parking lot. So, I can promise you that if any member of the Inquisitorius is found parking in a reserved spot again, there will be "interference" in the form of a 500-credit ticket.

Sending only the best vibes and glory to the Empire.

-Supervisor L. Heert Imperial Security Bureau

#supervisor heert#andor#attendant heert#ask the supervisor#inquisitorius#andor season 2#imperial security bureau#parody account
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Anonymous asked:

Be real cool if your department would stop sending ion cannons to already struggling planets. This is our eighth humanitarian aid this month. Not counting those in Hutt control space. (Even raider of you to not shot at us when we are traveling to and fro.)

Regardless I remain, H.R.H L. Organa Junior Senators, Alderaan.

It would be real(ly) cool if you could file this concern through the appropriate bureaucracy instead of sending it directly to my personal blog, but here we are...

The ion cannons are part of an initiative by the Imperial Security Bureau's Imperial Sustainability Bureau (AKA the sub-ISB). One ion cannon emits 40% less space pollution than standard heavy artillery. If you would prefer to opt out of this initiative and have us send Clone Wars-era heavy artillery instead which absolutely destroys the environment and ruins the habitat of the struggling Neebray population, please file the appropriate paperwork and I will respond with the standard turnaround time as stated in our policy.

Wishing you all the best vibes and glory to the Empire, Supervisor Lionel Heert Imperial Security Bureau

#imperial security bureau#supervisor heert#andor season 2#leia organa#star wars rp#this was so fun to respond to thank you anon#attendant heert#parody account#andor#yes the ISB is strip mining but also running the sustainability initiative#because we know how palpatine loves ironic things#ask the supervisor
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Anonymous asked:

So... Does Dedra like women also? Asking for a friend.

Yes, she does. Prior to recent events, she used to preside alongside me on the executive board for the Imperial Society of LGBTQ Tooka Cat Parents. Now, we need a new VP. So, we are accepting applications.

I'm president of the Society, in case that wasn't clear by the way.

Sincerely, Supervisor L. Heert

#supervisor heert#dedra meero#imperial security bureau#parody account#galactic empire#andor season 2#andor s2 spoilers#ask the supervisor#star wars rp
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Anonymous asked:

what is your opinion on Syril Karn? did you hear what happend to him?

Also I hope your recovering well from that incident with the KX droid, that didn't look so good. I'm sending you my best wishes!

I will be frank, I never had a very high opinion of Syril Karn. I always thought he was using Dedra Meero to weasel his way into the ISB after a failed career, and I told this to her quite honestly. That said, I was still very sorry to hear what happened to him on Ghorman. No one deserves that. I send my condolences to his family. In retrospect, I think he was a man with unrealistic expectations but overall loyal to the Empire. And with the recent revelations about Jung and Meero, I wonder whether he was manipulated by some sort of Rebel intrigue, in which case I suppose we had more in common than I thought.

I appreciate the good wishes. At least I know that all the days in the rest of my career will be better by comparison.

Sincerely, Supervisor L. Heert Imperial Security Bureau

#syril karn#supervisor heert#andor season 2#andor s2 spoilers#attendant heert#andor#imperial security bureau#ask the supervisor#more serious than usual
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Anonymous asked:

Have you ever thought about being picked up and carried by a KX droid. Would it be fun and comfy

There are some things in real life that are better than how one imagined them, like Kali Coolers. Then, there are other things that are infinitely worse in real life than one could ever imagine. What you have mentioned is certainly in the latter category.

0/10. Do not recommend. And no, I will not be settling out of court with the manufacturers of the KX droid line. At least not for the sum they've offered me. I think that being used as a human shield at least entitles me to enough money to buy a decent flat on Coruscant.

-Supervisor Heert

#imperial security bureau#supervisor heert#attendant heert#andor#andor season 2#parody account#galactic empire#ask the supervisor
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Anonymous asked:

Dear Supervisor Heert,

I appreciate your prompt response and shall updated our records immediately. I once again apologize for the oversight.

I have taken the time to check the status of your complaint against Supervisor Lagret, as requested. It appears to have been waylaid until we could look into another case, one from [redacted] regarding the consistent presence of a Tooka on ISB premises.

After referring to the precise rules stated in each report, we have deemed that as you do have an official document for an Emotional Support Animal, your complaint overrules the other on file, and we will be taking your concerns into account and speaking to Supervisor Lagret- as well as adding this to his file in our department. We appreciate your patience in the matter.

I know I would be devastated if something belonging to my dear Pepper was ever thrown out. That must have been so upsetting for Mister Phantom. I hope he has fully recovered and you were able to find a suitable replacement. If you ever have another complaint, feel free to contact me directly so that it does not get lost in the shuffle.

Sincerely, Ashlynn Kwa Imperial HR

Dear Ms. Kwa,

I appreciate your care addressing this concern. Mister Phantom is slowly recovering from the loss of his box. I have given him all the boxes I confiscated from Lonni Jung and Dedra Meero’s office after I removed the contents but evidently it is not enough. He has been clawing my furniture at home as a result. I’m fortunate I only have metal furniture in my office for this reason, so it is really best that he spends the day with me. I am glad to hear that HR understands our perspective.

Please give my regards to Pepper.

- Supervisor L. Heert

#attendant heert#imperial security bureau#supervisor heert#andor#parody account#galactic empire#andor season 2#andor s2 spoilers#dedra meero#lonni jung#ask the supervisor
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Reblogged heert-today-gone-tomorrow
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dedra waited until heert had a day off so she could have all the glory of capturing luthen while avoiding interference. but what if lonni waited to flee until heert’s day off too? they worked closely together, and heert is literally by his side all the time. perhaps heert’s absence made it easier for lonni to access those files. either way, it’s just really funny that heert having a day off is a domino in the collapse of a galactic empire

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Reading this has convinced me to never take a day off ever again

#reblog
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sparkling-ash asked:

Have you read Karis Nemik's "The Trail of Political Consciousness"? If so, please give us your thoughts!

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Dear Sparkling Ash,

I have no need to read "The Trail of Political Consciousness" as I heard it many times far before anyone else in the ISB. For context, I have suffered the annoyance of being haunted by one Karis Nemik since his death some five or so years ago, if I recall correctly. I found his message quite naive from the moment I heard it and told him this quite bluntly. Besides the fact that it is blatantly anti-imperial, I also felt that there weren't enough concrete examples behind his argument. There's a lot of emotion in the piece, but I need to see the data before I'm convinced of any theory.

So, the point is, he doesn't like me, and I don't like him or his work. But he doesn't have another medium and so at the moment, he's a little like an annoying office roommate, and he's been distracting from my far more interesting reading options. There is nothing more annoying than when I'm trying to read my romance novels and there's this spectral voice blabbering about how "freedom is a pure idea".

-Supervisor L. Heert

(OOC: None of this is a reflection of the mun's actual political ideals.)

#imperial security bureau#supervisor heert#karis nemik#attendant heert#andor#andor season 2#parody account#galactic empire#ask the supervisor
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dougielombax asked:

Autopsy report concludes that Dr Gorst suffered some sort of accident involving a cake.

His office also abruptly exploded shortly afterwards.

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Sounds about right. Dr. Gorst had a sweet tooth. He tried to appeal to me once with bakery treats. He clearly wasn't aware that I have a boyfriend and Type I Diabetes, so the situation was awkward all around.

Regardless, he did not deserve to die by cake explosion. But such is life.

-Supervisor L. Heert

#imperial security bureau#supervisor heert#attendant heert#dr gorst#andor#andor season 2#andor s2 spoilers#ask the supervisor

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