Me: Okay guys remember that it’s important in improv to establish your characters at the beginning of the scene.
Students: ok
Student 1: Hello. I am the president of the United States.
Student 2: Hello madame president. I’m William Shakespeare and I’m here to assassinate you.
This is the best opening to a scene I’ve ever heard of
Here’s how the scene actually went as nearly as I can remember.
Student 1: I’m the president of the United States. How can I help you?
Student 2: I’d like to make a complaint about the Vice President.
Student 1: Okay let me just get out my chalkboard where I tally complaints about the Vice President. Let’s see, that makes five… hundred! What’s your complaint?
Student 2: Well you see, I’m here to assassinate you, but I don’t think that guy should take over when you’re dead.
Student 1: Okay let me make some calls. Beep boop beep boop beep beep beep. Hello? I’m here with— What’s your name?
Student 2: I’m William Shakespeare.
Student 1: I’m here with William Shakespeare and he convinced me we need to replace the Vice President. When? Let me ask. — When were you planning to assassinate me?
Student 2: I mean I was thinking like, as soon as I was done talking to you.
Student 1: Okay sounds good. Yes we need to replace him right now, one moment. Beep beep boop beep. Hello? You’re fired. Bye. Ring, ring. Oh, it’s my assistant again. Hello? What’s that? Oh, they want to know if you’re the same William Shakespeare who wrote Romeo and Juliet.
Student 2: Yes, that’s me.
Student 1: What’s that? He’s been dead for four hundred years? Okay thank you goodbye. Sorry they said you’ve been dead for four hundred years so you can’t assassinate me.
“Tattoos are becoming unpopular”, “piercings are unpopular again”, “keep your hair natural never dye it again, it’s the trend now” literally fuck off I know what y'all are doing
People will debate whether the gov’t or drs should have authority over whether trans folks get HRT on accout of “what if it’s dangerous” and “what if they’re making a mistake” and honey I am out here laughing in rage that y'all think the gov’t or drs should ever have any authority over anything you do with your literal own fucking body in any context.
Some of you aren’t licking the boot at this point, you’re deepthroating that thing.
hey quick PSA but “reading before bed to wind down” only works if you’re normal about books btw. if you aren’t you are going to end up awake at 2:52am after finishing the whole book just trust me on this one
The only way forward is to stop treating masculinity as synonymous with harmful, monstrous, or dangerous.
There is a fundamental difference between “men are dangerous” (wrong, bioessentialist) and “the patriarchy allows dangerous men to exist unchecked” (true).
It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied “i don’t know i’ve never heard these words in that order” and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn’t even that funny
at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”
Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor
I want to write a book called “your character dies in the woods” that details all the pitfalls and dangers of being out on the road & in the wild for people without outdoors/wilderness experience bc I cannot keep reading narratives brush over life threatening conditions like nothing is happening.
I just read a book by one of my favorite authors whose plots are essentially airtight, but the MC was walking on a country road on a cold winter night and she was knocked down and fell into a drainage ditch covered in ice, broke through and got covered in icy mud and water.
Then she had a “miserable” 3 more miles to walk to the inn.
Babes she would not MAKE it to that inn.
Are there any other particularly egregious examples?
This book already exists, sort of! Or at least, it’s a biology textbook but I bought it for writing purposes:
It starts with a chapter about freezing to death, and it is without a doubt the scariest thing I’ve read in years (and I read a lot of horror fiction).
This book can be downloaded for free on Researchgate, posted there by the author himself:
