Imagine if you will a big and large dog. Your not making it big enough in your mind. Okay now it’s good. Picture its favorite food is berries and salmon. You want to pet it, don’t you? Well don’t. What you’ve just invented is a bear. And you’re under arrest for inventing the bear.
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Alright, fine, here’s the backstory about replacing my Microsoft Copilot key with a picture of a carp. Warning: that’s the whole story.
When I bought my latest laptop, which coincidentally is already losing functionality in multiple keys, I noticed that the right Control button was no longer a right Control button. This was a bad sign for me, someone who fairly frequently used the right Control button. Worse still, it now bore the Microsoft Copilot logo and would open, when pressed, Microsoft Copilot. Not having personal interest in that particular robot, I was now in the market to rebind that key to something else.
I initially considered setting it up as my dedicated The Sims 2 button, but not only do I not yet have The Sims 2 installed on this computer, the way I play that game, it takes upwards of 15 minutes to boot up. I knew I would be constantly accidentally hitting this key, and I did not want to be constantly accidentally opening The Sims 2.
My partner immediately suggested that I set it to open “a jpeg of a fish.” I Googled “carp,” found an image, and set my right Control key to open a tiny browser window with a link to said fish. Though it is a .png file from pngtree labeled “pngtree-rohu-carp-fish-png-png-image_4022775.png”, in an effort to display matrimonial piety, I dutifully labeled it “fish jpeg.”
I now accidentally open this link multiple times a day, which is great, because it means I have a lot of opportunities to see a fish. Sometimes I accidentally hit it several times in quick succession, which means I get to see several fish! When I close all my open programs to shut down my computer, I usually find at least one forgotten fish. Things are working out beautifully, and everyone is happy.
The other day I brought up this story to a friend and relayed the saga of my success to her through her obvious confusion. At the end of my tale she asked me, “Why didn’t you just bind it back to right Control?” and I had to admit to her that it honestly never occurred to me.
At first I was like, “Aw, he’s discovering icy crusty snow for the first time, cute!” and then I was like “Oh NO, he’s REALLY discovering icy crusty snow for the first time, RIP”
I can’t stop watching this, it so perfectly encapsulates the feeling of admiring how incredible and beautiful snow can be and then immediately being inconvenienced by it like “oh, yeah, that’s right, fuck this shit”
ALT
