this is the most comment I’ve ever see

leave my goat be 😭🙏

It’s Tough Getting Older

holy shit this dude is killing it

Found the comedian, his name is Andy Huggins and here's his NPR interview

i just wanted you guys to know theres a porn parody of the force awakens and just when this storm trooper dude starts feeling this bitch up, kylo came in and started doing his usual tantrum shit in the background unprovoked, meanwhile oblivious to all thats happening and let me tell you no porn has ever cut me so off guard and brought me to tears in .01 seconds until now

reblog if you want anonymous opinions of you

Hunter: *kisses Kip on the ice*

Shane & Ilya:

ill spend my twenties investigating the healing properties of salt i dont know about you guys

excuse me

Sorry op. That's my friend the Salt Vampire from the Star Trek episode "The Man Trap" which first aired in 1966. Blessings be upon you.

its just i dont feel blessed by its presence is all. sending love your way

Gay culture is picking Chikorita

The type disadvantage against every single Johto gym leader represents the struggles we face as LGBT people

chikorita threw the first brick at stonewall

Chikorita used vine whip

miles “who’s morales” morales’s biggest weakness is the cover story

peter, lying out of his ass: i was, uh, married to his uncle aaron. he just never let you know

Jefferson, later: Do you think Aaron never told us because Peter’s…

Rio: …Tall

Jefferson: I didn’t think Aaron liked … Tall people.

Jefferson: “But listen: Aaron might have married a white boy just to annoy me, specifically. It’s a thing he would do!”

Rio: “I can’t hear you. I’m asleep.  I have a shift in four hours.”

I really wish there was a way Uncle Aaron lived and came back to meet his “husband” at some point now.

Aaron: …Miles…I love you, and I am proud of you…but you are somehow the smartest and dumbest boy I have ever known.

Miles: Says the man who used his big brain to become a criminal when he could’ve been a black Tony Stark with that gear he made. And thought working for the Kingpin, who everyone knows will throw his minions away like tissues, was a good idea!

Peter: He makes a good point, babe, you did kind of mess up first–

Aaron: Call me babe again and see what happens. I’ll whoop you with a collapsed lung.

All I see is “fake marriage au, but it’s also enemies to lovers”

If I ever stop reblogging this post, assume that I have yeeted myself off this mortal coil

People in the comments: “Amazing! Where’s the fic, though?”

Also people in the comments:

Boys Problems, 519 words

How to Marry Your Fake Husband from Another Dimension (speedrun), 5008 words

I like high chances that I might lose, 8373 words

You’re a Sunflower (I Think Your Love Would Be Too Much), 14 827 words

Scared of the Unknown, 15 217 words

How Did We Get Here? 46 926 words

And one post-coital-covered-by-a-blanket fanart 😉

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

A for effort 😩

This has gotta be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. 😂😂😂

Remember to eat, my loves! There's a whole world of delicious joy awaiting you!

The existence of a safeword also implies the existence of a dangerword that you can use to instantly turn any sexual event into a combat encounter