i've had this queued for an entire year, the most important holiday we celebrate here in boston HAPPY GREAT MOLASSES FLOOD DAY EVERYBODY

accomodations are important but i think they miss the point of this post. sometimes you can't do it. at all. someone needs to do it for you or it will never happen.

"and then you force yourself anyway" folks im starting to think some of you really do not understand what it means to not be able to do things.

I can’t remember where I got the information now, but apparently if you stare silently for at least 4 seconds it triggers a feeling of rejection which I don’t have to tell you is uncomfortable and makes most people backpedal pretty quickly and awkwardly.

Immediately going concerned/extremely polite always throws people off their game, it's beautiful.

The Quiet Stare Of Disappointment is also super effective, indeed .

My sister and I were walking across a car park.

Random bloke: Maybe if you walked more you wouldn’t be so fat

My sister stops dead, stares him in the eye and goes: Is everything alright at home?

I’ve never seen a man’s face turn to horror so fast

We just walked to her car and drove off

The silent stare is so effective. I learned about it in social psychology in undergrad, and have often used it to great effect. Probably the best example is when I went to sign the papers on the car I was buying—I had already worked out a price and my trade-in with the salesmen the day before—and they decided they were going to take $1000 off the value of my trade-in. (I want to emphasize that I was buying a 10+ year old car; I ended up paying $8k total.)

"No," I said. "That doesn't work for me. If you're unwilling to honor the deal we made, I'm not buying a car from you."

Well, they talk for a living. So they talked. Here I am, a young woman on my own, and these two men at the dealership are giving me all the reasons they couldn't possibly honor the deal we made yesterday.

So I sat. I didn't say a word. I just stared at them.

They kept talking, trying to get a reaction out of me. After about 10 seconds, they abandoned all pretense of logical arguments and started hammering pathos. They weren't even buying my old car from me for the dealership; it was a personal favor for which they were using their own hard-earned money to help this poor guy at church who just got out of rehab and his house burned down and his children exploded and his dog left him for another man, etc etc

I didn't say a word. I just stared at them.

They began falling apart. They continued trying to hustle me, but their confidence left them. I think they might have been sweating.

Within five minutes they caved and signed the papers for our original deal.

I have been told for years I am intimidating, and by people who had never even seen me angry. Just in general, intimidating. This absolutely baffled me until a friend one day pointed at me and said — “This! Right now! You’re being intimidating!”

Friends, I was staring silently at someone while inwardly flailing desperately to come up with a response to something they’d said that wasn’t overly rude but also was holding my ground. In my mind, I was being hellishly awkward. I couldn’t summon any charm, I couldn’t figure out a sentence to string together. Silence spooled out horrifyingly between us as I got farther and farther away from being articulate and became more and more flustered by this failure to respond. From the outside, I guess, I just looked like a stone cold bitch waiting for them to get their shit together, lol.

I still don’t think I’m intimidating but you know I’ll take it.

Reblogging to add that the person who put this together has turned it into a full-fledged website, if that's any easier to spread around!

maybe I’ll start a big google doc or something one day but for now *deep breath*

• The Beautiful Ones (Silvia Moreno-Garcia) - absolutely BUCKWILD romance with a dash of telekinesis; nonstop high society drama and misunderstanding from start to finish, happy ending guaranteed. STRONGLY recommend if you, like me, are a basic bitch who enjoys a bit of Pride and Prejudice. 
• Binti (Nnedi Okorafor) - a math prodigy runs away from Earth to become the first of her people to attend a prestigious university in space, but shit gets real when a crew of hostile jellyfish aliens attack her ship. 
• Chilling Effect (Valerie Valdes) - a spaceship captain and her crew take on a series of convoluted missions in order to rescue the captain’s sister, who’s been frozen and held for ransom. 
• The City of Brass (S.A. Chakraborty) - an 18th century conwoman and a mysterious djinn team up to go looking for a legendary hidden city.
• The City We Became (N.K. Jemisin) - a scrappy bunch of Chosen Ones have to band together to defend New York City (which is very much alive) from a huge ass monster. 
• The Empress of Forever (Max Gladstone) - a lady supervillain gets blasted into space and meets an even bigger, planet-destroying evil space empress. literally WHAT is not to like?
• The Empress of Salt and Fortune (Nghi Vo) - high fantasy royal drama about a woman making her way to power in the wake of a political marriage that left without friends or allies. 
• Escaping Exodus (Nicky Drayden) - a space-faring clan are creating their latest spaceship from the insides of a giant monster when absolutely everything goes to shit (as things are wont to do in science fiction stories). 
• Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars (Kai Cheng Thom) - a trans girl runs away to the big city, where she uses her martial arts skills to team up with other trans woman and form a vigilante gang to defend their own when police look the other way. a fascinating blend of poetry and prose and magical realism. 
• Finna (Nino Cipri) - two exes working at an IKEA have to team up to save a customer who disappeared through one of those interdimensional portals that all IKEAs have laying around. you know how it is.
• Gideon the Ninth (Tamsyn Muir) - come on, you’ve heard about this one. it’s the one with the lesbian space necromancers? yeah, that’s the one. you got it.
• In the Vanishers’ Palace (Aliette de Bodard) - a Beauty and the Beast retelling based in science fiction and Vietnamese fantasy, featuring a young woman falling in love with a “beast” who’s actually a motherly dragon after becoming a tutor to the dragon’s two powerful children. 
• Jade City (Fonda Lee) - urban fantasy gang wars, pitting one magically enhanced family against rivals and a new drug that lets anyone mimic their abilities. 
  
• The Library of the Unwritten (A.J. Hackwith) - hell’s librarian gets sent on a quest to find a runaway soul. 
• The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (Becky Chambers) - aka one of my favorite books ever, essentially slice of life science fiction following an interspecies crew of deep space truckers making the longest and most complicated delivery of their lives. very warm and fuzzy. 
• Mort (Terry Pratchett) - one of many MANY Discworld books, but a very good one to start with, following the adventures of a boy named Mort after he’s taken on as Death’s apprentice. you know, like the Grim Reaper? that Death. 
• River of Teeth (Sarah Gailey) - historical AU in which the United States imported and domesticated hippos in the Mississippi River; follows a crew of hippo-riding crooks and hooligans as they plan one heck of a caper. 
• Space Opera (Catherynne Valente) - a washed up rock star and his old bandmate get roped into performing in an intergalactic singing competition that will determine the fate of the entire planet Earth. full of aliens, attempted assassination, art, and emotional turmoil. 
• This Is How You Lose the Time War (Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone) - time-travelling assassins from rival factions fall in love in a poetic and breathless story that spans centuries and reality. 
• Under the Pendulum Sun (Jeannette Ng) - fairyland is real, and Victorian England is sending missionaries. a woman and her brother attempt to bring the good word to the fair folk, but start to suspect the queen might just be screwing with their heads. PEAK gothic horror with a creepy fairy twist. 
• Witchmark (C.L. Polk) - a doctor and former soldier with magical powers of healing is trying to live a quiet life and avoid his controlling, aristocratic family’s plans for him, only to get tangled up in a massive political conspiracy when one of his patients mysterious dies. accompanying him in his investigation is a mysterious and gorgeous faerie man. romance ensues. 

• The First Sister by Linden A Lewis. Three protagonists and all of them queer, a fun space opera. It’s not out yet, but I can tell you it’s really, really good. I highly recommend
• Gods of Jade and Shadow another Silvia Moreno-Garcia book. It takes place in 1920s Mexico and has Mayan gods. A fun breezy book.
• Kill the Queen by Jennifer Estep. If you like YA fantasy but want a little more swearing, violence and sex then this novel is for you.
• The Bridge Kingdom by Danielle Jensen. This one I really enjoyed. If you like the winner’s curse then you’ll like this book.

Books I haven’t read but I’ve heard good things about

• Trouble the Saints by Alaya Dawn Johnson. This one isn’t out it but I believe it’s got a black protagonist.
• Empire of Sand by Tasha Suri. An Indian inspired fantasy novel. I haven’t read this one but I’ve heard good things about it.
• Rage of Dragons by Evan Winters. A black fantasy novel.
• The Unspoken Name by AK Larkwood. I haven’t read it but I know it’s got a lesbian protagonist.
• Song of Blood and Stone by L. Penelope. Just started this book but I believe it’s for adults.
• Tiger’s Daughter by K Arsenault Rivera. Lesbian protagonists and it’s still on my tbr.

A great way to get back into the habit of reading and discover new authors is to pick up an anthology of shorter works. You can find them in any genre, on all kinds of specific themes, by diverse authors, and if one story isn’t your jam you can move on. A couple of my favorites are:

Biketopia: Feminist Bicycle Science Fiction in Extreme Futures;

Solarpunk: Ecological and Fantastical Stories in a Sustainable World

A People’s Future of the United States

Sisters of the Revolution: A feminist speculative fiction anthology

plus a few more full length books i like:

Singing the Dogstar Blues by Alison Goodman - space college punk with a harmonica what time travel crimes will she commit, queerplatonic human/alien relationships, very fun all around

Becky Chambers has several excellent books in the same setting as Long Way to a Small Angry Planet!

Nnedi Okorafor also has a bunch of great ones including sequels to Binti and other scifi/Afrofuturist works do NOT sleep on her

The Last Girl Scout by Natalie Ironside - if u like trans lesbians fighting zombies and nazis and vampires in the Appalachian nuclear wasteland I CANNOT recommend it enough.

Bloodsucking Fiends/Bite Me/You Suck by Christopher Moore - two new vampires navigate un-living and love in San Francisco.

A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore - What happens when the grim reaper dies? A thrift store owner gets a mysterious letter in the mail–he’s been appointed to be the grim reaper for San Francisco. The plot kicks in when a couple demons arrive and try to steal the souls of the recently deceased. Plus, there’s some crossover with the Bloodsucking Fiends trilogy! This guy really likes San Francisco as a setting.

Practical Demonkeeping by Christopher Moore (can you tell I really like this author? Lmao) - A seminary student accidentally summons an ancient demon and gives away the object that would banish him again. He then spends 70 years tracking them down again. Only problem is, he has to keep feeding the demon, who won’t leave him alone, and who is invisible. Very funny, I love Moore’s writing style. Our main character makes the demon help him cheat at pool for car repairs.

How quickly people forget that he also said this about the 2020 election.