It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these, thanks to an unusual dry spell in voting madness and some weird personal stuff. But now we’re back, thanks to the midterm elections. Also, wellbutrin.
Making up for lost time, there are about a million offices to vote for and surprisingly few ballot measures. Let’s get this democraycy started.
Governor: Jerry Brown will apparently walk away with this, although there are two other Democrats, six Republicans, one Green, one Peace and Freedom, and seven “no party preference,” candidates on the ballot. I’m not sure if people realize this is an election, not an open casting call. It will be hard to resist the siren call of candidates like Nikolas Wildstar, whose campaign facebook page consists solely of the “V is for Vengeance” mask and the Malcolm X quote “Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice. If you are a man you take it” but I’ll manage.
Since, Jerry’s got the whole thing sewn up whether we like it or not, and we’ll have to vote again on this whole mess anyway com November, I’m tossing a vote Cindy Sheehan’s way. She annoyed George Bush and wants to legalize pot. She won’t win, but I’d like to encourage both those things.
Lt. Governor: You know, that guy who isn’t the Governor. Only eight people running, all of whom are actually allied with a real party. Even the cranks aren’t interested in the Lt. Governorship. Current LG Gavin Newsom is so confident, he doesn’t even bother to put information on smartvoter. Well if that’s how you feel about it, I’m voting for the other Democrat, Eric Korevaar. He’s a scientist! It’s not all about the hair, Gavin, ya gotta play to the nerds in this state too.
Attorney General: Kamala 4eva, obvs. This office brings out perennial wingnut candidate Orly Taitz, who has dropped the birther thing in favor of nullifying everything, everywhere.
Controller: It’s at this point that I realize votersedge has info on not only on campaign funding, but also pictures of most of the candidates in one handy place. I can be both fiscally inquisitive and shallow. On the money side, John Perez has raised WAY more campaign money than anyone else, even the republicans. Whither Koch brothers? You just handing this one to the unions? Choice: Perez. I’m in a union, dammit.
Insurance Commissioner: Voters edge doesn’t even bother with this one, and none of the three candidates have provided any into on smartvoter. Tempted to flip a three sided coin to choose, but in the end go with Nathalie Hrizi. At least she put the effort into her website. Fancy! Also, national health is the quickest way to my heart. I didn’t really expect to be voting for this many socialists so early in the game.
Secretary of State: Again, the lead Democrat candidate, Alex Padilla, has raised way more money, $2.1 million, than the lead Republican, Pete Peterson, who has raised a paltry $139,000. Either the Republicans have given up, or there’s something about Super PACs that I’m missing here. Going for the underdog again. Congrats Derek Cressman, you’ve both (weirdly) raised three times as much money as Pete Peterson, and you have my vote.
State Superintendent of Instruction: Three nonpartisan candidates! One the one hand, Lynda Gutierrez is a women POC running against two white guys, on the other she provides no info, so … no. Tom Torkalson gets the vote because as far as I can tell, he’s not part of this charter school nonsense like the other white guy is.
Treasurer: John Chiang, Democrat, is the only candidate whose listed as having raised any money at all. I find this all highly suspicious. I mean, I can believe the Green party candidate is broke, but are you telling me a white male, ex military republican like Greg Conlon hasn’t raised any money? Voting for Chiang. Perhaps he’s in the unions’ pockets, but at least he’s being transparent about it. Such is the sad state of our election finance laws.
State Board of Equalization; District Three: I confess, I had to look up what this was. The SBE deals with tax assessment, which does nothing to explain why we are back to having a lot of write in candidates. I was all set to vote for Democrat Jerome Horton, until he listed “Archietech (sic) Taxpayers Bill of Rights” in his biographical highlights, plus he’s endorsed by the California taxpayers Association. Dude, why are you a Democrat? Come out of the closet as a Libertarian, already. You win, Jan B. Tucker, licensed private investigator endorsed by Roseanne Barr!
Crispus, this election has way more crap than I expected. I’m dividing up these posts.
