creekfiend:

I identify the most with the woman who has a green velvet ribbon around her neck and keeps being like “DONT untie my neck ribbon or something really bad will happen” and then her husband unties the ribbon and her head falls off. this is extremely real to me. spent my whole life like “please don’t do this thing to me or really bad stuff will happen” and everyone around me being like “that sounds fake” and doing it anyway. and then my head fell off!

kominfyrirkattarnef:

Have you guys noticed how much the internet/technology just does not listen to you anymore? I click “don’t show this artist” on Spotify and I get recommended a music video by them on the front page. I click “skip this update” on a pop up every time I open a file organization app and it’s right back there every time. I click unsubscribe on a newsletter and it keeps showing up in my inbox!! I click “delete my account” and the next time I open the website they suggest I “reactivate”.

nikolahasberg:

🩸 Bloodborne sex, squirt and cream, slaying that pussy in my hunter’s dream.

lordworm:

Reblog to make it die faster

bish0ps:

crow–teeth:

crow–teeth:

my friend who is training to be a 911 operator just told me that they are having to restrain themself whenever responding to training calls from saying “that’s illegal people can’t do that” and I find that so fucking funny

For context

2006-honda-civic:

bewbin:

you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?

can i fucking help you?

niceferatu:

niceferatu:

remember when they were saying that bisexuals couldn’t be butch or femme and we had to be like. deer

it was worse than I remembered

ALT

you couldn’t be a futch they/them you had to be a pigeon

writing-is-a-martial-art:

truly some people have no genre savviness whatsoever. A girl came back from the dead the other day and fresh out of the grave she laughed and laughed and lay down on the grass nearby to watch the sky, dirt still under her nails. I asked her if she’s sad about anything and she asked me why she should be. I asked her if she’s perhaps worried she’s a shadow of who she used to be and she said that if she is a shadow she is a joyous one, and anyway whoever she was she is her, now, and that’s enough. I inquired about revenge, about unfinished business, about what had filled her with the incessant need to claw her way out from beneath but she just said she’s here to live. I told her about ghosts, about zombies, tried to explain to her how her options lie between horror and tragedy but she just said if those are the stories meant for her then she’ll make another one. I said “isn’t it terribly lonely how in your triumph over death nobody was here to greet you?” and she just looked at me funny and said “what do you mean? The whole world was here, waiting”. Some people, I tell you.

dogpuppy:

fipindustries:

art history will be like “this is the most revolutionary painting of its time!” and you will look at it and is just a normal painting of a lady sitting under a tree and then an art historian will explain “this is the first time a painting ever used this specific shade of blue which challenged all understood conventions of how to depict light and launched a movement known as auzureism, and also the lady is looking at a sparrow which in its time it was a sign of fierce sexual liberation and it was considered scandalous” and then you find out the painter was expelled from the academy of art of stockholm because of the painting and that the king of sweeden paid three thousand marcs (equivallent to ten million dollars now a days) to have the painting in his room and the painting still looks like a generic painting of a lady under a tree

kaban-bang:

crabussy:

deepseasmetro:

tel-avicii:

men will se a fly and pee on it

a man will see a fly and be like is anyone else gonna pee on that and not wait for an answer

turnstileskyline:

WHAT IS THE CHARGE? EATING A PENGUIN? A SUCCULENT ADÉLIE PENGUIN?

wordfather:

wordfather:

collecting these

HOW could i forget this classic