sorry for being annoying [remembers that practicing gratitude instead of shame is better for my mental health and my relationships] thank you for letting me be annoying with you

thanks to tumblr the phrase "loyal eunuch" has entered my vocabulary and is being applied egregiously. phone got lost in the bedsheets and I murmured, instinctively, beloved eunuch where arst thou?

out loud. to my fucking phone. you people did this to me

Well topologically or perhaps anatomically speaking

Ever since they got rid of the headphone port it’s more of a cloaca

i love those conspiracy theorists who are like “the way that many cultures all around the globe feature giants in their folklore….. obviously this proves that humans lived alongside giants in the ancient past but THEY dont want you to know the True history” because it’s impossible that two people could independently come up with the idea of “a guy who is really, really big”

No, no it isn’t.

this gif is perfectly timed because it gives you enough time to read it, comprehend it, and still have this too-long-for-comfort moment of suspense before being punched square in the solar plexus

enough mpreg. give him mpostpartum depression

frankenstein (1818)

Sure since adopting self checkout they got rid of 99% of grocery workers and if something goes wrong you gotta just stand there for 20 minutes while the employee managing 30% of the store singlehandedly tries to juggle helping you with their other responsibilities. But at least groceries are less expensive now right. Why are you trying to whisper in my ear I have a girlfriend

the stores are flithy and disorganized and I've run into expired products on more than one occasion and there's often a grand total 3 employees for a 5000 square foor supermarket doing their best but at least they paying those guys well with plenty of benefits. folks I just recieved a memo

The notable thing here before luddite Tumblr shows up is, there's absolutely nothing fucking wrong about with self checkout machines. I love them. They save time, since instead of me waiting while the cashier scans the stuff im scanning the stuff while noone is waiting.

The problem, as always, is the capitalist mode of production, where instead of that improvement being passed onto the workers (say, you still employ the same number of people, but they work shorter hours for the same pay and also provide a better service) it's passed onto the capitalist class, while the worker is even worse off.

I've acquired a creature that stares at you no matter which direction you look at it from

I’m hypnotized 

Two years on, their wood grain has darkened because they live on my laptop keyboard and I'm constantly patting them <3 To be loved is to be changed

CEOs such a deeply unserious concept. Hi I'm the guy whose job it is to decide how much money everyone gets and I just so happened to decide I should get two squilliam dollars and you should get a penny and a half. I know I did a good job because math please don't double check.

y'all need to relearn the word erratic and stop using schizophrenic/bipolar/psychotic as a replacement

y'all need to relearn the word particular and stop using ocd as a replacement

People need to relearn the word "egocentric" and stop using narcissist/narc as a replacement.

People need to relearn the word "impulse" and stop using "intrusive thought" as a replacement

i'm reading a book about seventh century northumbria and you've heard of the tiffany problem but let me tell you there is nothing quite like reading through 350 pages calibrating for names like Oswiu and Æthelfrith and Paeda and Ecgfrith and Eanflæd and then getting smacked in the face with the fucking Bishop Chad

due to personal reasons i’ll be

I am shocked at how many people don't have an actively hostile relationship with advertising

I am skipping your ads as fast as I can. I'm skipping past your sponsor read. I'm muting the tv. I'm muting the tab. If they get too annoying I will simply stop trying to watch.

If advertisers can use every manipulative trick in the book to get me to buy their product, I am fully within my rights to do everything I can on my end to make their job impossible

Anna's Archive managed to get their hands on "86 million music files" from Spotify, "representing around 99.6% of listens" and metadata for "256 million tracks", that represents "estimated 99.9% of tracks"

I am at loss of words

young old person tip for you all. go get some photos printed (pauses so someone can say bogos binted) and fill out a physical album

and annotate them with who is in the photos and when and where the photos were taken!!! your extended family 50 years from now will be grateful, and so will you if you end up forgetting any details

(sprints into room late, looking harried and frantic as fuck) bogos binted. did I miss it

Very stupid that I can't take the muscles out of my neck & upper back & beat them with a meat tenderizer. I think that would fix me

if cis people are so great then why don’t they have a siberian orchestra 

I think venus flytraps should be intelligent and ambulatory. I think they should get into the cupboards. I think they should purr when you pet them.

OP there is an entire Broadway musical explaining why you don’t want that

There’s a Broadway musical about them, too.