$1 and I turn you into a bug ANY bug that you want to be I turn you into that bug are you taking the deal (of course you're taking the deal it's a dollar and you get to be any bug) what bug do you want to be you can also switch between bug and normal form whenever you want because why not The point is you get to be a bug any bug and it only costs you $1
Hey babe, are you a book? Because I kinda wanna break your spine
Are you a furby? Because I'm doing everything I can to turn you off
Are you. A bottle. Cause I want to throw you in the ocean. to send a message
Are you. Marijuana? Cause I wanna plant you in my backyard. and lie to the cops about it.
You must be vodka. The way my affiliates could arrange for you to be smuggled across eastern europe in a series of small, discrete packages
You are.... a spider. The way you are widely disliked across multiple continents for reasons that appear irrational but likely stem from a primitive survival instinct
You must be a prion the way you're still capable of fucking with my head after I lit you on fire
Are you a spoon. Because I think if I bring you home you'll end up in my roommate's bedroom
You're like a new MRI machine they way you need someone to put you in the hospital
You and I could be a miracle. The way we could never be a thing without the interference of a god
You have me feeling like a fly. The way I need to desperately throw myself at the nearest window
Looking at you is like staring into the sun. It feels bad and the longer I do it the worse it gets
You remind me of my dad
Baby you're like the ocean. Because you're cold, salty to the point of being toxic, and have driven countless men to madness and despair
Girl are you a three legged wardrobe cause you are just the worst dresser
You remind me of an exotic flower the way you keep killing house cats
You make me believe in destiny. The way my struggles to divert you seem futile
Honey are you from Tennessee? Because your crime rate is 63% above the national average
My man is like a cup of coffee, the way his existence is highly dependant on inhumane business practices
If loving you is a crime, then send me to jail. For unrelated charges. So I can get away from you
Who hurt you teaboot?
You want that list alphabetical or in ascending order of severity
did it hurt when you fell from heaven? because it's about to
well I hurt my hand at the party, my working hand but I tried to warm up hehe
... the worst bit is I know several people this could be, especially given the 'in Australia' clarification
If you know them then there's a chance I might know some of them and that thought will keep me up at night.
This wasn’t the guy who we all know who used to spray his jeans with Mortein and then light himself on fire, was it?
He used to sit at the back of the bus, cup his hand, spray deodorant into it, then open it and light it on fire with a lighter in one fell swoop to try and impress girls.
He had to stop because the bus company begged our school to tell him to stop bc of legal liability. His hands never actually got damaged after doing it for about a year.
I reached out to my old friend in question here, because I've been thinking about him all day.
I do not know what "the amulet" is. I have no idea what "the amulet" is referring to.
I instantly remembered when he said that.
While we were all at the local park doing legal things that teenagers would do back in the late 2000s, my friend here found a rock at our old smoke spot that was unusually smooth and flat. He liked it so much that he took it to the woodwork classrooms at school, drilled a hole in it, and hung it on a necklace.
When we asked why he weanwearing this dinky-ass pebble on his neck, he claimed it prevented him from ever getting food-related illnesses: wouldn't get food poisoning, couldn't over-eat, was able to ingest anything (prior to him finding The Amulet, a few of us used to play a game called "Devil's Piss" where we would take turns shoving random food bits into a bottle of coke, and the first person to take a sip would get two dollars from the other players).
When we all asked him for the proof that this rock is magical—because nobody believed him, obviously—he said to meet him behind the History block at lunch, where he said he would drink two litres (or half a gallon) of milk in one go and not puke.
We met him there, and about ten of us all watched him down a whole bottle of strawberry milk in two or three breaths.
He didn't puke.
He jumped up and down and punched his stomach to prove it.
He still didn't puke.
I'm so glad I'm alive.
"is it possible for a [thing] girl and a [different thing] boy to be in a relationship? 🥺" i'll stop you right there. get a notebook cause i'll only tell you once. men and women are not allowed to date each other
Because of woke
Yes ! ! ! ! ! It is because of woke ! ! ! ! ! Woohoo ! ! ! ! !
Suppose that you have a room, and in that room are two clowns, and two mimes. All four are Cisfem. You are outside that room, watching through a window. In your opinion, which is sexier for you to watch?
The clowns have sex with each other, and the mimes have sex with each other
Two pairs of one clown and one mime fucking
You have a lever that lets you control which way a trolley goes. On one track is a generative AI enthusiast who insists people are two mean about AI and that their their AI girlfriend is real and loves them. On the other track is a white person who jumped at the opportunity to call generative AI "clankers". Who do you hit?
Hit the enthusiast
Hit the roboslur user
"is it possible for a [thing] girl and a [different thing] boy to be in a relationship? 🥺" i'll stop you right there. get a notebook cause i'll only tell you once. men and women are not allowed to date each other
Reblog to hug prev
Please
are you okay i noticed you reblogging "a raven with a damaged wing. it can still fly with ease" again
