My life is pretty good guys unfortunately it has never been quite good enough to defeat The Sadness that’s lived right under the surface of my skin and in the deepest pit of my belly since the 6th grade. Will update if anything changes
What makes episode 5 so incredible in my opinion is that Shane never asks for more. He says “you feel it too, right?” and “I can no longer pretend I don’t like you”. He never says “I want more from you”, which is a very standard thing people say when they want more out of a relationship.
Later in the episode we learn that something that kills Ilya is that everyone who never appreciated him always asks for “more, more, more”. Shane hears that but doesn’t understand, of course. It doesn’t matter that Ilya said it, because Shane didn’t understand it. And yet, he never asks Ilya for more. Even when he asks Ilya to come to his cottage, it’s not “do this for me”, it’s “it is going to be nice, you will be able to be yourself, to rest” and what Ilya hears is “I just want you, close to me. As you are. As the person you have been for 10 years. I just want you” and now im crying
you guys make such pretty gifs with such pretty captions and coloring like even when i dont go to a fandom i’ll see gifs and be like wow that person is cool and that is still true after over a decade on this site. i think gifs are cool and that is why i’m stranded here forever. i love u gifs and gifmakers
thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3
