i think that's what i saw the tv glow did honestly.
that moment when you're watching it as a trans person, and every cell in your body is begging her to not stop, to not run away, please please please. you need to see it more than you've needed anything. and then she does. she sees everything inside herself in a bathroom all alone where we've all been, and she closes it all up, her emaciated and sickly body barely holding her up, and she walks back into an arcade room apologizing for her outburst to a building full of people who refuse to see or hear her.
and then you realize, while your chest feels like it might just cave in under the pressure, that this film refused to afford you the relief of seeing someone else do what you must, to give you that false and fleeting pressure eased. no. if you want this film to have a good ending, you have to make it yourself. you have to do what she could not, because otherwise, well. you just saw your future.
