my art

confused. cassowary now has power over road?

human spotted! danger mode activated!

I am going to turn your femur into a flute and use it to play megalovania.

I’m going to put turtles in your drinking water so you get salmonella

no that happens when you you put corn in drinking water

What does this even mean is this a real thing??

it doesnt give you salmonella but corn water is unfortunately a thing according to my friends from the midwest

post canceled new threat: whatever the hell corn water is

Fuck that, raw chicken!

NO!!!

I feel like the the very thing this discourse needs is for someone to draw your collective attention to the fact that 'aquafaba' is a thing:

I actually knew this one

Don’t ask me why I knew about aquafaba but not the others; I’ve got no idea either

How about hotdog water ice cubes

Okay this one you made up people don’t do this…right?

Update one of my real life friends says he drinks pickle juice and it’s good

Where am I

Valuable input from one of my besties

New input: my boyfriend also thinks drinking pickle juice is normal and has done it. Am I the only person who thinks it’s weird? Am I the weird one? How have I never heard of it if apparently everyone and their dog does it?

I once watched a friend open a dollar store pull-tab can of pre-cooked hot dogs and slurp the water out like juice. Unironically. Like she just did it cause she thought it was tasty. I've never quite gotten over it

She WHAT

When the threat becomes the threatened.

I told my dad about the vanilla extract thing on tumblr and he told me about some dudes he used to know who’d chug the stuff and get drunk off it. I have also met a man who used exclusively buttermilk in his cereal and it was the only kind of milk we would actually drink so his daughters tried some and vomited. I have also done shots of pure lemon juice for fun. I know it’s pure because I’m the one who squeezed it

WHAT

i saw someone lamenting that so many tumblr users block eachother before they ever even interact just because the blockee seems annoying. i went to their blog and i looked at their pinned post and then, dear reader, i blocked them

Little flamingo just being cute and pink~

The mighty hunter brought home a WHOLE MAMMOTH aren't you impressed?

Saber-toothed cat (Smilodon fatalis)

Teachers have tried this and are amazed when their classes don’t go feral like in the book.  It’s almost as if the book was supposed to be satire and not a treaty on the nature of humanity.

there’s a timeskip

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

after losing control of the signal fire there’s a FUCKING TIMESKIP and when the next chapter starts everyone’s hair is several inches longer and their clothes have rotted to shreds and they’re still just kind of chilling!!!!

IT TAKES THE TERRIBLE IMPERIALISM MIND-POISONED EXCESSIVELY BRITISH BOYS IN THE ACTUAL BOOK SEVERAL MONTHS TO COMMIT A SINGLE ACT OF INTENTIONAL VIOLENCE, EVEN THE ONE (1) CHILD WRITTEN AS AN ACTUAL SOCIOPATH

AND then when they DO turn on each other it is because

THERE’S AN UNSPECIFIED WORLD WAR HAPPENING

AND A PILOT’S CORPSE CRASH LANDS ON THE ISLAND POST-DOGFIGHT AND THE CHILDREN MISTAKE THE PARACHUTE FOR A MONSTER AND SPIRAL INTO PARANOIA

BECAUSE CHILDREN INHERIT THE LEGACY AND TRAUMA OF VIOLENCE FROM THE ADULTS WAGING WAR AROUND THEM

HURR DURR IN THE REAL WORLD IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN LIKE IN LORD OF THE FLIES -

IT DIDN’T HAPPEN THAT WAY IN LORD OF THE FLIES EITHER YOU JUST HAVEN’T READ IT SINCE HIGH SCHOOL IF EVER AND DON’T REMEMBER WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE GODDAMN BOOK

#tbf the dude wrote it to be a dick

yes. yes he did. i’m also gonna direct you to the real life ‘lord of the flies’ which occured in the 1960s, when six tongan schoolboys got stranded on a desert island for over a year before being rescued by an australian fisherman (who, it should be noted, later took on all six as crewmembers because the reason they were out in the first place was because they wanted to see the world, and named his ship the Ata after the island they were stranded on). nobody died. the only injuries that occurred were accidental, and when one of the boys broke his leg falling down a cliff, the others braced it and looked after him so well that it healed perfectly. if they argued, then they would literally go to opposite sides of the island until they’d cooled off. after leaving the island, they remained friends for the rest of their lives. here’s a photo of them as adults, with their rescuer (who is third from the left) and other members of his crew.

i read about this in rutger bregman’s human kind, a book i cannot recommend highly enough, but if you don’t want to go and read a whole book about the inherent goodness of humanity (which again, you really should) then the relevant excerpt can be found here.

> sees nihilistic depiction of human nature

> looks inside

> hope :)

every single school teacher should get paid $300,000 a year minimum and ICE agents should all die simultaneously in agony. this is my congressional budget plan

btw if youre young and scared of doing adult things without your parents ive learned that like 90% of the time you can just tell the doctors office or the dmv "haha sorry ive never done this without help before... can you show me how to do this?" the employee will not care. if that means anything to you

"ingredients you can pronounce" learn phonics. coward.

It’s me and whatever song is holding me together against the world.

starting a collection

"spam like = blocked" if you spam like me i am going to cast 1000 protection spells on you so nothing bad happens to you ever

Winter Shenanigans

re-posting bc reblogs got turned off etc