berdyayeva:

berdyayeva:

can I borrow your house centipede

I need it

hotvampireadjacent:

hotvampireadjacent:

This ad would have been lethal if I was high

For future notice don’t make me look at the sand boa while I’m high it would be over

eroscestlavie:

eroscestlavie:

whenever I go to the restroom and can’t piss immediately I get so mad because all I can think about is that weird sexist John Updike passage where he’s like “the pee got lost inside her mysterious Woman Body”

Me drunk as fuck & easily physically distracted knowing logically I have to piss sitting on a bar toilet mad as hell like IF I DON’T PISS RIGHT NOW JOHN UPDIKE WILL HAVE BEEN RIGHT

bimmyjimmy:

he’s underwater

ceruleanfuckup:

I’m never leaving

bippus:

A completely meaningless psychological torture of the self is objective numbwr 1

tyrantdaughter:

tyrantdaughter:

How To Love Your New Friend Without Being Overbearing

I’m Gonna Eat Her I Think

onion-souls:

crustyclarinet:

crustyclarinet:

i’m not into star wars but the person that plays rey has the same name as two characters that will never be in smash bros

i’m gonna go back in time and kick my own ass

littleguysdaily:

spooksier:

spooksier:

spooksier:

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

in our defense this is oil

aninals:

aninals:

skateboard will be so fictionalized that people forget we all have one inside of us. like the war of course but like they arent just fantasy creatures…. its just In There

hey. So skeletons may have autocorrected to skateboard,