hello; im carys/ciaran (either name is fine). im an adult, and i write fanfic sporadically on my ao3, intimatopia. asks welcome but responses not guaranteed. i love other places and other people.
below is my tag directory: approximate, unlinked, entirely for my own use
I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you - Nobody - too?
Then there's a pair of us!
Don't tell! they'd advertise - you know!
How dreary - to be - Somebody!
How public - like a Frog -
To tell one's name - the livelong June -
To an admiring Bog!
-Emily Dickinson
“how public - like a frog -
to tell one’s name - the livelong June -
to an admiring bog!”
i like her sense of humour. i’ve never been the biggest fan of dickinson though i get the appeal…i think my favorite poem about this subject is “keeping things whole” by mark strand
In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.
When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body’s been.
We all have reasons
for moving.
I move
to keep things whole.
starlitmyre
2026 check-in/round-up
we were onto something with a long dni list. a list of everything you hate. what’s wrong with that. don’t you love lists and being a hater?
i hate nerves and anxiety. oh nooo i am scared of acting like a weird bitch to remedy this i will act like a weird bitch
it’s a waste of time to act like my absence of personhood should count as personhood. we’re fucking letting anyone in these days
Absent daughter figure
Rainy, blue New York, 1967.
how do I explain to people (my best friend. other people). the nothing. every time i try they’re like nooo don’t say that you’re not nothing and i hate it. i hate it. you don’t actually care about the nothing. which is ok. but then don’t ask me about it if you don’t want to know. don’t open it up and be like what’s in here that’s my nothing and it’s not important. and you can’t seem to handle it. which is ok. but I’m not being hyperbolic it’s not a stretch it’s the truth and fact that i am some sort of human shaped skin wrapped around a nothing and if you try to act like. oh there’s stuff inside you there’s all this stuff you’re missing the point you don’t think this always most of the time the way a person normally treats me is like I’m paper thin they don’t think oh this is a human being of some inner dimension it’s just nothing. you can see me and see it how little i am except that people i actually love will who normally pretty much are mainly functioning like this and okay with it will be asked to actually perceive the nothing and then start in on this useless it’s not nothing well you don’t actually think that now do you most of the time you understand and we agree that I’m mainly nothing except when you actually need to face that and what it means for my experience of the world or lack thereof and my personhood or the lack of it and my feelings such as they are it’s mainly a matter of what hurts you to think about even if I’m trying to say it’s about me which proves again the nothing. and the fact of the nothing is that no one can actually grasp it when they are asked to but also no one willingly puts their foot in a hole in the ground once they’ve seen it. i make sense. you understand. we are on the same page. you don’t have to pretend that I’m a person. i pretend I’m a person to be close to you. if you notice me doing it I’m losing and if you don’t I’m winning but ultimately it’s the same. all this effort on the pretense is mine to expend. other people don’t have to live like this. other people just live. I’m not insane. this is true
