She is so cool, she is so cool, she is so cool

I just saw an acquaintance use "👖🛝" in place of the word genocide and. like. at what point are we going to decide that this kind of self-censorship is too degrading to abide anymore.

"grape" "sui-slide" "the panini" I feel like I'm surrounded by Rugrats who overheard the grown ups talking about the news.

This is mean, but when I’m in a safe context to do so, I love pretending I don’t understand what they mean and forcing them to explain in plain language.

It's not mean. You are so normal. If someone uses these terms when speaking to me directly I'm going to end up on the news.

the guy who designed scythes definitely knew that shit was badass. he didnt care about wheat

Whenever I think about Elias in prison I just imagine Kristoph Gavin’s cell from ace attorney and I feel like I need to spread this because too many people just won’t know what I’m talking about

This. This is what I envision.

My mom just told me when was my age she got pregnant while she had two different fwb situations going on and didn’t know who the dad was so she went to the guys separately and said “I’ll pay for half the abortion if you pay half” and collected half the money from each guy . Her mind

flicking back through my procreate library what the fuck was this

Things to look for in this:

medically accurate muscle chart:

As someone who works in therapy for a living, I can confirm this is 100% accurate

@cosmicdwarf

For Traitor: neck retraction exercise. While lying in bed with your head flat against the mattress, give yourself the biggest double chin you can. Repeat 10 times.

For Jackass: stop hiking your shoulders up to your ears. This is pretty much a stress thing, it’s human instinct to protect our neck when we’re under stress so that predators can’t get at it. Easiest way to do that is be elevating the shoulders, so. Periodically take not of where your shoulders are at.

Absolute Fuckwaffle: stretch out your chest. The rhomboids on the back work to keep our shoulder blades back, so when we’re hunched forward they are constantly straining to do their job. Unfortunately it’s not as simple as telling you to stand up straight, since our pectorals get chronically tight and prevent us from doing so. Step one: pectoral stretches. Hold for at least 20 seconds.

Asshole: Superman exercises. Like the rhomboids, the ESGs are straining against the slump. Stretching the chest will help them, too, but then you e got to strengthen your back. Do 20 of those per day.

a new trend

"Whoa nice, a backup camera¹!"

¹backup cameras have been mandatory for over half a decade

THEY HAVE??

only in the us and canada (around 2018). they were only made mandatory in europe in 2022, and that’s still not a thing in most every other country in the world.

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fell asleep on my keyboard sorry

@hellsite-proteins

children = noobs

Oh, let’s be bad. Two more cranks on the nightmare wheel

No no no, see, a puppet obtains power at the expense of agency, a doll obtains meaning at the expense of agency, and a plushie obtains unconditional love at the expense of agency. The thing currently mauling you was already powerful and self-actualized when I brought it under my sway, so when you beg me to 'call off my puppet' you should really be saying plushie instead. Try again, m'kay?

Cleaning the pantry and finding things I don’t recall buying

Fearless praying mantis

@ghost-mantis

I’m like ‘what the fuck little dude that is not a good place to be you will be hit by all of the sparks’

and then the little dude is like ‘do not worry I will simply parry all the sparks’

now i understand why this lil hoe is on kungfu panda