Posting the thing that cracked my egg for my 10 year tranniversary

5th Jan passed by about a month ago, but better late than never. This is a very long post, with 30+ photos over about 14 years

Pre-transition 2011-2014
The question of how I knew I was trans?
I had The Feeling from about age 11 (2008), reading a gender-bender manwa called PhD: Phantasy Degree in the school library. Wherein the Protag, Lady Sang, has a ring that swaps her gender once removed.
Childhood was a difficult time, and I often would go to bed dreaming of comforting scenarios where I would be able to use this kind of power on myself (yes i like forcefem, how could you tell?)

The biggest barrier for my transition for the next 6 years was simply that I wasnt aware that transitioning was a possibility, or more accurately, viable.
As a kid, I was aware of The Transexuals that appeared as a butt of a joke on TV, but it felt like an impossibility if you weren’t rich and had connections, requiring many surgeries and god knows what else; how they were also depicted as unattractive, undesireable and fetishistic.

2015 The first year
In early January, I came across a trans timeline post on imgur.com by sheer luck. What really struck out to me is how happy, and how beautiful everyone seemed post-transition.
I’ll never forget the feeling of discovering that those funny little dreams I have might not be just me who does.
I looked into the comments and discovered what transitioning meant, as well as that most of the people only used HRT, which was relatively inexpensive compared to what I had been expecting.

The next day I awoke after having a dream wherein I was looking into a mirror atop a hill, and seeing a girl looking back.
Once I awoke, I decided then to transition; simply based of the massive euphoric feeling of seeing myself as a woman.

Sadly however, I didn’t really have a clue what I was doing, or what I wanted. I was terrible at asking for help or researching. I was pretty broke too, so experimenting was quite difficult. My sister moved to London and my city didnt really have a great LGBTQ scene (still doesnt 10 yrs later), so I was basically by myself.

In these photos above, I think I started telling my close friends and family but I really struggled to make any meanful change to my appearance.
My one goal was to start the NHS HRT track, which was supposed to be a 18 month wait list. Due to my inexperience (and being a bit socially inept) with navigating the NHS and my GP, I wouldnt start HRT until 2019, almost 4 years later.
If theres one thing I could go back in time to change, it would be to DIY HRT.

2016-2018
I’d left college and begun work. I didn’t feel like I passed at all, and absolutely hated voice training.
I don’t really remember much about this time of my life, it felt like waiting for HRT so I could start living.
In hindsight, I was very depressed. I ghosted a lot of my IRL friends and working in fast food was sucking the life out me. I was very unhappy with how I looked, and didn’t know how to fix it. My wardrobe consisted of pretty basic & safe outfits, like jeans & hoodies; I didn’t have an experimental phase like so many other trans women did. I was decent at makeup but made so many mistakes that people often laughed at me for.
I spent most of my time in this period escaping into MMO’s with my discord friends and working ~50 hours a week.
Sadly, I think I lost a significant amount of hair due to stress during this period of my life. Some has since grown back, but not all.

2019 (CW: SA)
This is the only year I don’t have any photos of, which is somewhat odd since I started HRT in May.
But it was also one of my lowest points. I was at the breaking point with stress from work and didn’t have many IRL friendships, in addition to working with my Dad to sell his house.

This was also the year when I was sexually assaulted on the way home from work. I would then repress this for over 5 years, as of writing, I have my first appointment in 6 days.

By the end of 2019, I had left my crappy fast food job and was living in a house share, unbeknownst that the world was about to drastically change.
My mental health was starting to improve with starting HRT, I’d also learned that I had a natural testosterone defeciency, which explained why I had almost no body hair and little facial hair growth (though i still needed to epilate).
However, the NHS used this to determine that I didn’t require anti-androgens, and I deeply regret not challenging them on this, as I learned it was a huge mistake on their part.

2020-2022
Immediately you can tell how much HRT affected my face and body in just a year. I’d also put on a decent amount of weight as a result of a fast food addiciton. I’d begun to feel better in myself, but still didnt like my appearance.
2020 felt like a turning point in my mental health, I started a cross-Atlantic long distance relationship with another trans woman that lasted about 3.5 years. Though this gave me emotional fufillment, I craved physical affection and initmacy.
During this period, it felt like something between coasting and stagnation. I wasn’t satisfied with how my life was but didn’t have the drive to change things. I thought I was less depressed here but I think just barely.

In late 2023, I entered the lowest part of my life.
I was unhappy with the state of my living conditions, my relationship, my appearance, and so many other small things.
I was working a 9-5 whilst trying to maintain a relationship where my girlfriend would get off work at 10pm.
Sleeping after work was impossible whilst living at my Mothers, and moving wasn’t an option due to noise complaints. I wanted to loose weight, start prog, change my wardrobe, start wearing makeup again, start voice training, dye my hair, and start taking care of myself. I was so tired of feeling like a genderless blob. And I hit my breaking point.
I quit my quite-decent-paying-but-otherwise-insufferable call center job and went back into fast food, simply so I could be with girlfriend more often. I hit the gym, started prog and all the other small things.
I attempted voice training again, but this time decided not to listen to my own voice.
I would judge how good my voice was based on how people responded. I found they would small talk and be way more chatty to me than before, in addition to less misgendering even after 2 weeks of training.

2024 was one of the best years I’ve ever had.
But it started with a breakup. I was distraught at the time, but in hindsight I truly think it was for the best.
The first month was incredibly difficult, but I kept up my routines of self improvement.
I lost about 8kg (starting from 98kg) and finally found the style I like, goth. But it still felt like something was missing
Soon after the breakup, I lost my job, but this was a blessing in disguise. I got referred in to where my Mother works, and soon found this missing piece that I needed.

Holy shit does a hair cut make a difference
I felt like a completely new person, and people treated me so so so much better.
I’d get compliments almost every day. I actually loved my appearance, and taking photos. I reconnected with my school friends I’d alienated. I felt confident about dating. I hit my weight goal of 85kg, and starting taking prog the right way. My mental health had never been better.
By the end of the year, I’d moved out of my Mother’s house, who had been manipulative and abusive up until this point.

2025

So here I am, 10 years later. I’ve still got things to finish off, mainly fixing my testosterone levels. But it truly feels like the end of the road.

Don’t ever give up, no matter how far in you are. Happiness will often not find you, you have to pry it from the Earth yourself.