Love me a character that goes "Don't just internalize your trauma. Externalize it. Make your trauma everyone else's problem. Murder some guys about it maybe. And whatever you do, never ever stop being interpersonally unpleasant to be around."
Give me a bitch that sucks and I'm all over them.
why do you draw?
if you like a character long enough you begin to lose the plot a little. just made my nonbinary wizard lactose intolerant and allergic to some sunscreens. okay
recommending things i like to other people is so scary. i’ll be talking about how good it is and what i like about it so they check it out and then im like “fuuuuuck i forgot to warn them about all the early chapter stuff that you kinda just have to let slide and trust the process”
i hope that someday there will be no more advertisements ever again
pinup calendar but its all just nightmare bill
peak dynamic in my opinion
you can never go back. this is your one life. you had a bad childhood and that's it. you lost your teen years to mental illness and that's it. you're miserable in your 20s and that's it. you just go forward
sorry i started getting emotional thinking about how ford genuinely finds bills dark gross fucked up nonsense humor funny, laughing not like one of bills goons but loud and full and warm.
which got me thinking about how bills in his head. the first time bill really cuts loose with his bad jokes and ford laughs, and bills used to his jokes getting a laugh because the henchmaniacs know better. but hes not used to the way fords neurons light up, how his hormones fire, how his muscles relax and his heart glows and his smiles stays long after the period of being polite has passed.
bill getting to feel ford finding him funny, getting to feel fords fondness.
which led me to the rest. every emotion and every thought ford has for and about bill, hes entrenched in. getting to hear and feel it all as vibrantly as ford does, maybe even more so as fords mind tries to turn away from any feeling he has for his muse that isnt strictly professional adoration.
bill knowing fords in love before ford even recognizes it, bill watching ford try to deny and repress it but seeing and feeling the way his body explodes when their eyes lock.
bill being loved and being trapped within that love. he cant push it away even if he wanted to.
bill has to laugh off the feeling, because how embarrassing! the meatbag's in love with him! that's RICH! just goes to show how stupid ford really is that he'd think he has a chance with a god!
or he has to preen, because why wouldn't he? it just goes to show how smart ford really is! he knows greatness when he sees it! anyone with half a brain would be in love with bill!
if he doesn't deny or repress or rationalize then it becomes too much. he has to bury the screaming, yawning, desperate, fireworks display ford's body becomes whenever they're around each other because otherwise it feels too dangerous.
bill doesn't like being trapped, and the last time he was loved-
well. he doesn't like being loved.
feared, worshiped, lusted after, all that's great fun! but love? love is conditional. love is demanding and hungry and greedy and painful. love wants. and bill's the only one allowed to want.
except that ford doesn't want. he doesn't make demands, and the only thing he's hungry for is more time spent with bill, and he's happy to do whatever bill likes during that time. even when ford calls him out on things, catches him in a lie, it's not pressuring, it doesn't make bill feel like he's backed into a corner, staring down an eye chart, standing in front of his parents who are holding a letting his teacher sent.
when ford catches him out it's fun, it's a puzzle, it's a game. it leaves them both laughing, debating, passing logic and knowledge and creativity between each other and has ford's body lighting up again.
and so what if that light feels warm instead of burning? so what if bill keeps kicking the portal down the road a little further and further and further just so he can feel embraced for once?
so what if maybe this love feels safe?
This is the opposite of the clip of the inbred anime girls trying to play basketball like infants.
self indulgent old man + triangle affection
