Everyone talks about how depression is endless sadness, but no one talks about the emptiness inside without an actual explanation. It’s not sadness, it’s not anger, it’s nothing but an empty void.
No one talks about how you avoid doing things that you love, and that used to bring you joy because when you actually do them you feel nothing. How you postpone doing things because you know they won’t make you feel like they used to, your brain just can’t comprehend that you are supposed to enjoy it.
No one talks about how your body feels heavy, and it’s like every single small action takes a lot of effort, like there are weights tied around your arms, your legs, pulling you down and preventing you from doing daily tasks so you just lie down in bed because the bed is safe, you don’t have to move your body so it doesn’t feel heavy.
No one talks about how taking a shower, washing your hair, drinking water and brushing your teeth become a task too hard do accomplish. Doing this things mean leaving your bed, leaving the safe space.
No one talks about how the hunger goes away, you remember faintly you’re supposed to eat, but your body doesn’t ask for food. You only know you should eat when your stomach hurts, and for a moment you remember you’re alive, that you’re supposed to do something, to get out of this slump.
No one talks about how you want to get out of this, but the weight of the depression brings you down, makes you a prisoner.
Depression isn’t just being sad all the time, depression is losing your sparkle, losing the love for the things that make you happy. Depression is knowing you win battles, but maybe never will win the war.
