#1
Written for the @steddiemicrofic January prompt “first” | wc: 336 | rated: T | cw: pregnancy/mpreg, minor reference to fertility issues | tags: omegaverse, alpha!Eddie and omega!Steve, Wayne POV, make that man a grandpa!
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Wayne told them three times that he didn’t want anything for his birthday. Eddie and Steve had already taken him out for dinner, invited him over to enjoy the cool autumn evening on their front porch, and served his favorite pie. All he needed was quality time with his boys, he insisted.
Eddie still hands him a gift bag after dessert. “C’mon, you have to have something to open on your big day,” he argues.
“Shoulda known you wouldn’t listen.” Wayne rolls his eyes, but he obligingly pulls the tissue paper from the bag to uncover his present.
It’s a ceramic mug in a striking navy color, emblazoned with orange lettering he can’t decipher until he raises it into the warm light of Eddie and Steve’s dining room.
#1 Grandpa!
Major virgin Eddie who has convinced himself when he finally gets out there he's gonna be a dom because he thinks he's got the vibe.
Cut to a pre-S5 meeting where Nancy requests a volunteer for some task.
Steve immediately speaks over Jonathan "I'll do it."
"It needs two people." naturally Jonathan is about to speak up, which will be a nightmare, but then Steve clamps a sure hand around the back of Eddie's neck, squeezing in a way that has Eddie factory-resetting,
"Eddie'll do it, won't you?" Eddie is nodding before he even knows what he's nodding to and he's reevaluating everything he thought he knew about himself, especially when that hand drops and slaps his ass in such a fucking jock way, "attaboy."
Ok so, sex ed teacher Steve. He wants to cover all the bases, including the gay ones, so he goes to the only gay dude he knows - Eddie Munson.
He's like, I did all the research so you don't have to do my job but please let me know if I'm off anywhere, and sits Eddie down to be his trial audience for the gay sex lecture.
He's so earnest Eddie doesn't have the heart to tell him he's not gay.
But after the long and detailed description of anal sex and the banana + condom demonstration, he's not so sure if it's the truth anymore.
The road to the childrens’ hospital
I hope this joke outlives the context that made it, leaving future generations baffled.
steddie doodles‧｡⋆🌻
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
A rush of fear flicks over Steve’s face and he blinks. Eddie can see his Adam’s apple bopping as he swallows. “How am I looking at you?” he asks and it’s quiet and intimate and Eddie feels even weirder.
He scoffs lightly and clears his throat and shrugs. “Like…I don’t know, like I mean something to you, or some shit.”
Steve just stares at him. For a long fucking time. Eddie grows even more uneasy.
When Steve finally breaks out of his trance, he sucks in a trembling breath. His eyes well up, shining with unshed tears and Eddie feels himself pulling back a little in confusion and worry. It’s almost unnoticeable, but Steve notices. His face falls more if that’s even possible.
God, the guy looks devastated.
“Fuck,” he says, looking down and pressing a hand to his forehead. “Shit, why did I think I’d get better at hiding it, it didn’t work yesterday, it won’t work now.”
Eddie frowns. Yesterday? “What are you—Steve, I didn’t see you yesterday. I was at Rick’s. Alone. If you recall.”
Steve levels him with a long look, his eyes still full of that bitter sadness, almost managing to bleed into Eddie’s heart. He takes another deep breath and then looks down again when he says, “I know this sounds insane, but—“
He sighs and Eddie cocks his head. Steve honestly thinks he can shock him after everything?
“I’m stuck in this day.”
Eddie blinks. “What?”
“I—” Steve cuts himself off, sighs again, meets Eddie’s eyes. “Eddie, you die,” he says.
And he might as well have dumped a bucket of ice water on Eddie’s head with the way Eddie freezes. His voice sounded so final. So sure.
So…exhausted.
“The plan doesn’t work. And then you go and try to buy some more time. And the bats feast on you until you bleed to death.” Steve entangles his fingers in his shirt, tears at it, like that will do anything.
Eddie swallows. There’s something lodged in his throat, some kind of…lump of anxiety, blocking his windpipe from functioning normally. “That’s pretty…fucked up to say, Steve,” he tries, but Steve just laughs bitterly.
Like it’s a harder thing for him to say than it is for Eddie to hear.
“It is,” he agrees. “Cause I’m too late so save you.”
“Steve, why do you—”
“You die, Eddie. Every. single. time, you die.” His voice is wavering hard and Eddie is just so confused. What is happening?
He feels like Steve’s words claw at a part of him he can’t access, cutting open tiny pieces that start bleeding.
“You die and I have to live through that. I’ve had to. Like…54 times or something. I’m not sure how many exactly, I kinda lost count somewhere in the 20s. But I never manage to save you. And I’ve just.” He closes his eyes for a second. When he looks at Eddie again they’re so earnest and devastated and deep and—full of, of something. Something for Eddie.
“I’ve gotten to know you so well. I’ve spent so much time with you. I know that your favorite food is French Toast. That your uncle took you fishing once and never again because you couldn’t bear to see the fish suffer, so you threw them all back into the lake one by one. I know that the hair in your neck curls even more when it gets sweaty and I know that you loved you mom more than anything else and stopped eating for three weeks when she passed away. I know that you claim to hate every kind of team sport, but weirdly love hockey and I know that you hate how casually I just mentioned you mom and I’m sorry, okay, I’m sorry! I just—” He stops and a sound exits his mouth that sounds like a sob.
“Every day I wake up,” he says, eyes pressed closed again. “And you—you look at me like that. Like you have no idea who I am. Like you aren’t my best friend. Like I haven’t bared my soul to you and gently placed my heart in your hands and—” He shakes his head, like he can’t believe he’s saying all of this, and honestly, Eddie can’t either.
“I keep falling in love with you more and more every fucking time I relive this goddamned day and you–you forget me. Every time.”
Shane is so happy to see Ilya in the hospital that you can actually see the fear in that man's eyes. He walks in the room and sees that Shane has, in his infirmity, allowed the words 'WHERE is the man I FUCK' to be written across his forehead and his eyeballs. Ilya walks in the room and Shane says "Heeeey! :D" and you can see the arithmetic going on in Ilya's terrified gaze as he calculates exactly how many seconds he can be in Shane's presence without him just dissolving into a mess because Ilya won't give him kisses. He backs out of the room whispering "Shhh" because Shane "Heart Eyes" Hollander is liable to tell everyone he encounters for the next six hours how many moles Ilya has on his stomach. He sits in his car afterward and Googles shit like 'Do nurses take Hippocratic oath' and 'What is doctor-patient confidentiality' and 'Shane Hollander thirst trap' but that one is just to calm himself down. He texts Shane the 🤫 emoji every hour on the hour for the next two and a half days. Shane responds with 😚 and Ilya spirals.
you ever just hand things to ur pet to sniff so they can feel included
post s3 erica is worried about her friends steve and robin because they're both really skittish and weird and they keep jumping and flinching at everything and she's like what's wrong with them... and dustin's like well they did get a little tortured i guess :/ and erica's like (eleven years old) but that was three whole weeks ago 🤨 and dustin's like ever heard of trauma 🙄 and erica's like shut up dipshit i have to go i have plans. and then she goes and hangs out with her little posse and feels very odd and out of place and she's noticing all of these little things she hasn't before and she's like what's that. and her little friend is like what? oh my bracelet? it's a medical alert it's because i'm allergic to penicillin. so if i'm like dying in public doctors know i can't have penicillin. and erica's like oh. hm. and her other friend is like oh that's like my cousin's dog he has to wear a vest in public that says NERVOUS on it so people don't come up to him and scare him.
and while her friends start arguing about comparing each other to nervous dogs erica is thinking very hard about her dear pals who are kinda losers but they stayed behind to let her escape the russians... and she's like hm they're like that nervous dog.... i should do something to help them. because they are such weak little losers obviously.
next day erica walkies steve and is like bring robin to my house NOW. they arrive very worried and she presents them with two little beaded bracelets (way more colorful than these and with little heart and star shaped beads too).
they're like wh. and she's like they're medical alert bracelets. for your russian trauma. and she says this so sincerely and she is so eleven years old that steve and robin make eye contact and they're immediately like erica that's really thoughtful of you thank you SO much.
and then they get in steve's car and they drive like halfway down the road before steve has to park because they're both laughing so hard they're crying and robin's like i'm never taking this off ever and steve is like oh my god she put glitter beads on mine is yours glittery?? and robin's like YES AND I THINK THE HEART GLOWS IN THE DARK!! and they literally laugh so hard they almost throw up. and they never take them off ever 🩷
I love the idea of Eddie not really being a kids kinda guy, at least not until he sees Steve interacting with the younger members of the party.
He takes one look at how gently he handles Max, how kind he is with Dustin, how he's quietly encouraging all of them- He can't take it. He's staring, he's practically melting into a puddle, he's dying-
He needs to somehow impregnant that guy right now.
If anyone is more interested in the work behind the Gävle goat there is apparently a documentary here, mostly in swedish, but what I found most charming is that you can climb into the goat through a door in it's behind.
And if you ever wondered: yes, according to rumors a couple have fucked in the Gävle goat. In 1966 in fact, the first year it was up and before any kind of arson. I don't know why they threw that into the documentary but this goat has layers is all I'm saying.
Uppdate: The link seems dead, here is a drive link with the documentary, now with both swedish and english subtitles :)
Like for the goat to burn. Reblog for people to fuck inside the goat.
Hopefully not at the same time.
Like for the goat to
burn. Reblog for people to
fuck inside the goat.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Hello???? Suggestions????
Reblog if you're overworked and underfucked
No one wants to talk about how intimate jump starting someones car is.
this is what happens when you ban normal porn