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I’m not here

@deepdreamsiege

The way the sun hits the corners of my room, it reminds me of a dream I had. Of a world where I was still afraid, but where I also belonged, deep in the sunlit cracks in the pavement. Sometimes, late at night, I look up the names of the things that were done to me, and I try to imagine them, slithering through my blood, coiled around my DNA.

so many “autism advocates” and just visible openly autistic people in general are still aspie supremacists the only difference is that they’re too socially conscious now to use the term aspergers. they said it’s suuuch a universal neurodivergent experience to have been in the gifted program i said i’m sure…

when i was a kid trying to understand something about me that made the adults in academic programs intended to help me treat me in a way i felt they would never treat a real person (a category i implicitly understood myself to be forever outside of), almost everything i could find about autism centered around its eradication. there have been social changes in the perception of autism since then, something that is especially present in online spaces, so sometimes we may forget that eradication still dominates the conversation around autism. the average online autism advocate cannot imagine discussing autism without a real person present to learn from them and ultimately reward them with dignity. they disagree with the eradication of autism because they are autistic, and it is crucially important to them that real people understand that they can act like a real person, too, and they aren’t like those other autistics, and really those other autistics are just a stereotype and don’t even exist. the dehumanization of autistic people is bad, because they are autistic, and (unlike those other autistics) they don’t deserve to be dehumanized. they can get a job and have a family and communicate these points clearly. meanwhile the most vulnerable autistic people, who also happen to be the face of autism for those who demand a cure, have no community to support them while the world tells them they may as well be dead.

sick of binarygender people talking about how being asked their pronouns hurts their feelings because it's like. i'd fucking love it if someone asked my pronouns because they ALWAYS assume binary pronouns. "it's obvious, why would they ask me?" idk maybe they're trying to be polite and not assume wrong because gender presentation ≠ gender identity?? why are we being so regressive about acknowledging nonbinary people's existence nowadays

Wow, haven't posted anything in a while. Here's spine

This is from last year and I never posted it because I intended to finish it. That didn't happen. She looks different from the last time i drew her, I know. I didn't like the older designs.

Anyway, look at this cutie now

I haven't been drawing very much lately so that's where I've been if you were wondering. You don't care. Oh well, here I am.

Fulfilling my obligatory doodle-per-post quota

there is something so deeply wrong with me i feel nothing will change. ive fought and fought and fought and i cant anymore.

i feel like im dripping black bile from every pore in my body, that only i cant see. some substance that tells people to treat me lesser than everyone else. something about me is repulsive and unloveable, marks me as a shadow in everyones lives. my parents, my sister, my friends. im not worth expending energy on.

i hope i get killed in a freak accident, i know i cant do it myself

We need to coin a term for this movement of books, films, etc that market themselves as being wildly salacious and horny, but ultimately the apex of their erotic sensibility isn't any worse than something you'd see in an HBO show from 2003 and/or do so while having the horniness mostly be contained within the tone and style of twee fanfiction where all the sex is called "spice." Like stuff that frames itself as being the sexiest thing since sex, completely transgressive and radical in its expression of it, while also presenting all its horny material to you while holding your hand and giving you a glass of warm milk.

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