Video: Two machine knit jumpers being unravelled and then reknit into a single jumper, with lots of machine clicky-clacky noises and whirrs

I've never seen anyone talk about this like this. Most people I know laugh at the idea that you can be traumatized into hating reading.

"You can't brute force your way through a trauma response" really hit me. I went to the library recently because I wanted to finally get better at reading. As I attempted, I couldn't process any of the words and I struggled a lot to not break down into tears. I can't remember if I eventually told anyone, but I was too ashamed to say anything to the people I went with.

I decided to time myself when reading this. And just the screenshotted stuff. It took me 40 minutes to read it. And it will take me another 40 minutes to fully understand it, because when I read I have to reread times (and make notes) to remember even just pieces of what was said (you dont understand, a lot of people need to reread to fully understand. When I am done reading, my mind it blank and I don't remember any of what was written - not the facts, not the jokes, not anything.) I usually have to reread twice. Taking two and a half out hours of my day to do something that exhausts me and brings me no joy when existence in general is exhausting - I just never did it because I was always burnt out anyways from getting up, from breathing, from being around people or from being alone. And I assumed it was just something wrong with me. But knowing the system is designed like this on purpose, I feel relieved and also even more deafeated. Because I think this genuinely confirms that I will need some kind of accommodation if I'm going to want to read and actually remember/learn what I read.

This was really good to read because even though I am burnt out, it was worth it. It validated that there really is a system that made reading traumatizing on purpose, and it wasn't just my fault for hating reading as a child. It also made me feel kind of powerless, and a lot of shame for feeling that powetlessness bc I assume people are going to think my lack of reading is just some excuse, but thats more for me to deal with and not an issue with the author.

it's nice to have someone validate that reading is hard, and to explain that it is hard because it is exercise. if you do it more, you'll get stronger.

Gernot Schwarz Photography

standing in front of a daycare spinning and flipping an infant around like a sign

i <3 the block button

I fucking love being a lesbian