humbling
people saying "write what you want to see in the world!" and that's always a good sentiment but this post isn't really about "oh no there's no content for my ship", more the feeling of "i looked up something that i thought was so obvious that surely plenty of more seasoned ao3 perverts would have thought of it already, but apparently i'm the weird one"
I just saw an acquaintance use "👖🛝" in place of the word genocide and. like. at what point are we going to decide that this kind of self-censorship is too degrading to abide anymore.
"grape" "sui-slide" "the panini" I feel like I'm surrounded by Rugrats who overheard the grown ups talking about the news.
This is mean, but when I’m in a safe context to do so, I love pretending I don’t understand what they mean and forcing them to explain in plain language.
It's not mean. You are so normal. If someone uses these terms when speaking to me directly I'm going to end up on the news.
If you're at work in a retail or hospitality environment and you see a sex worker with a client... no you didn't.
If your boss asks you if you think that person's a sex worker, you tell them you do not believe that. You don't report their presence to anyone. You don't joke about it with a coworker. You don't eavesdrop or bother them.
We're working the same as you are. Leave us alone!
Some examples of situations where you might need to keep your mouth shut about a potential sex worker:
I do not care what kind of retail or hospitality setting you work in. If you see a sex worker, no you didn't!
if the cops get involved, you know who gets punished? not any of the clients, only the sex worker. not a pimp, not the hotel manager, only the worker; and the cops are liable to sexually assault them as well.
if you have any qualms about sex work, you can start by improving workers' rights as a whole. demilitarizing police. increasing comprehensive sex ed for all ages. battling misogyny in the workplace. under the boot of capitalism, we all suffer - the most vulnerable, such as sex workers, suffer worst. leave them be.
Pointless LOTR headcanon of the day: Frodo & Merry both take after their mothers, meaning Frodo looks more like a Brandybuck than a Baggins and Merry looks more like a Took. This is a constant source of petty contention.
(Pippin meanwhile absolutely takes after his father & is the most Tookish looking)
Merry: call me a Took one more time
Gandalf: if it looks like a Took and acts like a Took it’s a Took
Merry: I will END you
Gandalf is the only nonhobbit in the fellowship who understands the minutiae of Took Vs Brandybuck Vs Baggins rivalry & he delights in it, everyone else baffled
Frodo: look it’s perfectly simple. The Brandybucks don’t like the Tooks because they play golf and think they’re better than everyone because they occasionally go on adventures. The Tooks don’t like the Brandybucks because they live on the wrong side of the river and like boats. And nobody likes the Bagginses because they’re annoying.
Aragorn: are you… Including yourself in that
Frodo: I said what I said.
Frodo: now the Bagginses don’t like the Brandybucks OR the Tooks because they’re highly disrepectable but also richer than they are. And as far as a lot of the Bagginses are concerned I’m a Brandybuck because I grew up in Buckland and I have the Brandybuck Profile
Merry: which just means he’s not pug-ugly
Frodo: quite.
Aragorn: this is all ridiculous. Keep going.
Gandalf: Hm now I wouldn’t say UGLY but… every Baggins I’ve ever met has been perfectly Round or perfectly Square… There is no middle ground.
Gimli, baffled: Frodo isn’t round OR square
Merry: that’s because he has the Brandybuck profile
Gimli: so… Is he a Brandybuck…
Merry: ABSOLUTE not
Frodo: slander!! I’m a Baggins how dare you
Pippin: was your father a Round Baggins or a Square Baggins
Frodo: my father… Was the ROUNDEST Baggins who ever lived… A perfect Sphere of hobbit…
the word "difficult" just autocorrected to this right before my eyes i feel like i am undergoing forced glindafication
Look. Look I’m not reading as much fanfic as I used to.
But in case any young people out there need to hear this- it is very normal for gay people to just. take turns. For a lot of the stuff. That some of you. Seem to think are static, binariatic, opposing personality traits.
ngl some of yall treat “top” and “bottom” like they’re god given roles or immutable personality traits and not just like. where their body happens to be in relation to someone else’s rn
Being real for a second, some people use “top” and “bottom” the same way others would use “man” and “woman” and it SHOWS
Baba is flip... no.... i will save her.
been playing a bit of baba is you ltely..... fun game i like
I love rat snakes they’re so cute and cuddly. Unfortunately, they want to get in your house and cuddle.
They love to live on your porch and deal with pests and be really chill and then sneak in when you least expect it. They’re trying so hard to be domesticated. Sorry bud, you’re so shiny and dark and beautiful but you’re an outside friend.
ratsnake perfec t for domestication put rat snake in House good friend to human very Companion and Friend have good time with ratsnake in house. Put Ratsnake In House. No problems ever ratsnake in house because ratsnake perfect size give Help and Support to human. A ratsnake perfect pet for human can trust ratsnake to be good companion to Human. friend ratsnake.
very compelling argument
I often refer to my bottle-raised lamb as my adopted daughter, because it’s mostly true, it temporarily keeps nosy strangers from knowing I’m an eeeevil childfree woman, and it’s hilarious when people find out. And by that time they’re usually too disturbed by the “her-daughter-is-a-sheep” thing to get on my case about the “woman-with-no-husband-or-kids-oh-the-horror” thing.
Most of my friends are aware that I do this, and will back me up in conversations without batting an eye when I reference my daughter. And the best part is that they literally never drop the story. They just 100% all the time accept that I have a two-year-old adopted daughter. The fact that she happens to be a sheep is an unimportant detail, not worth mentioning until an anecdote gets too weird to plausibly be about a human toddler.
Which actually takes much longer than you’d think, since human toddlers apparently have absolutely zero sense. “She bites if you stop paying attention to her” is believable, “she tries to eat rocks out of the landscaping” is believable, “she stuck her head through a fence and couldn’t get out” is believable. “She jumped a five foot fence and came screaming back into the house through the dog door when I left her outside in the pasture” does get some strange looks, though usually not for the right reason.
Occasionally the joke gets turned around on me, though. I posted a picture on my not-tumblr blog of her wearing my glasses, and every comment was “Oh my gosh she looks just like you!!!” “I would never have known she was adopted If you hadn’t told me!!” “Are you sure that’s not an old picture of you?!”
So apparently this is what I look like:
At least she does look cute in glasses.
[ID: a close-up photo of a brown sheep, stylishly sporting a pair of glasses. End ID]
you were born in 2006? what are you? a Honda Civic?
can i fucking help you?
Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"
More from the notes:
I love this post
The horse thinks as it scratches an itch
Cats getting caught doing crimes
it takes quite a bit of social intelligence for a creature to understand:
these cats are displaying remarkable theory of mind skills by not only registering that the humans can perceive them but actively trying to manipulate that perception! that requires one to be aware that other individuals have complicated interior thoughts of their own, to know that those thoughts are not always based on truth, and to quickly decide on the best possible “lie” for the situation. this is why I despise animal intelligence tasks based on obedience— some of the most clever moments stem from intelligent disobedience.
"Was this book good or was I deeply 19 when I read it:" an investigative journalism series
“Was this book bad or was I simply lacking enough life experience to appreciate the narrative when I read it” : an award-winning followup
Sometimes, you pick up a book you hated as a teen, read it again with fresh eyes and lived experience, experience it anew and hate it for completely different reasons.
The best piece of advice I ever got was not meant as advice, but as an edict. If I was going to threaten people as a joke, it had to be so far out of proportion with what happened that it would be obvious I was joking. This changed how I expressed frustration with others. It then changed how I expressed frustration with myself.
Not “I’m going to hit you” but “I am going to buy a tuna sub from the gas station and hide it under the seat of your car”
Not “I’m going to kill myself” but “I am going to walk into the desert and let the scarabs take me”
The other side then happened. When I mess something up, instead of saying it’s bad and perpetuating negative thoughts, swing hard the other way.
Not “this art is terrible” but “this shall be framed and mounted on the wall in my museum exhibition as testament to the suffering I had to overcome”
Have been doing this since high school. It was my drama teacher who asked me to please stop scaring the actors. The other half of the edict was that I had to say it in a polite tone, and end it with either please or thank you.
Life changing. 10/10 Mr Muëller. Highly reccomend.
Fun fact: if you, as an adult, tell miserable children that their youth is the best that life will ever be, and that it's all just downhill from there, there's a percentage of them who will hear this and think "well, I guess I better kill myself before that happens." And a certain percentage of those will proceed to do that and succeed.
Anyway what I'm saying is that any time you feel tempted to say that, you should instead consider shutting the fuck up. Just because you peaked at 16 doesn't mean anyone else did. Most peoples' lives get better than that.
