fucking idiot

one curiousity search on ebay to see if people are still going nuts over beanie babies has led to getting a strong contender for the funniest email ever

When your doctor prescribes you the generic

Just got back in from shoveling snow, so this resonates

I can clearly remember the moment I first realised my mother and I were living on completely different planes of existence. I was 7 years old and I came home from my school's first track and field day having placed second or third in every event. the teachers had been making jokes all afternoon about how many times they had to call my name. my friends thought I was cool as shit. my enemies thought I was cool as shit too, come to think of it. I was proud as hell. so I get home with the entire front of my shirt covered in ribbons like I was a military dictator who'd awarded himself every medal, I walk into the kitchen and tell my mum all about my day, and she goes "oh, that must be disappointing not getting any firsts." and I'm like no?? first of all the first place ribbons are red and I don't like red. second of all look at me. there's literally nowhere left on my body for accolades. I am fucking Jacked of All Trades. how could this possibly be a disappointment.

How would history change if John f Kennedy was killed by registeel

god bless em for trying but can you imagine how funny it would be if this worked

LMAO

all men do is lie

life could be so much easier if i could oscillate between a pussy and a dick at will but im sure many people feel this way

There's something so deeply calming about watching megafauna prance and gambol about like they're little lambs

Bison pronking is already so magical, and then the double rainbow and the happy birdsong just put it way over the top

Many lgbt teenagers and young adults growing up on the internet today have socially conservative beliefs that they voice at all times that they got from their conservative parents which they’ve never challenged because they think the life experience of being gay or trans makes them politically progressive

This is why I hate it when people say something homophobic and then go “so you’re really accusing me, a whole ass lesbian, of being homophobic 🙄” like yeah

Just because you’re part of an oppressed party does not mean you cannot hold bias against other groups or members of your own group. Bias is learned and ingrained through society and family and it takes real work to unlearn it. No one is perfect, no one is without bias and you are in fact going to fuck up now and again—what matters is if you learn from it and grow.

this is what people are talking about when they say "do the work"

Lizardgirls love you. You should pet some lizardgirls

consensually ran over an emo boy and his studded belt slashed my tires fml