*experiences joint pain* we are losing the skeleton war

choosing to ignore my weirdly symbolic dream because i have a lot going on rn already

nice things will happen but first you have to lose all hope and die 45 times

I must not visit Indeed.com. Indeed.com is the mind-killer. Indeed.com is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

sweet treats should not cost money they should come as complimentary gift for not giving up

happy birthday every horse in the northern hemisphere except for these weirdos

"do you want to try AI mode?" no. "enable AI tools?" no. "AI search this?" no. "have AI explain this post?" no. "we're excited to announce AI integration!" i'm not. "you can now use AI to—" no. i don't think i will.

Still unable to draw any solid conclusions from the unpredictable reactions she has experienced over her lifetime, local 32-year-old Michelle Waldman acknowledged Monday that she was even now not entirely sure where her body stands with lactose. “I don’t think I can do milk—definitely not whole milk—but yogurt seems to be fine,” said Waldman, adding that despite her three decades of observing the way her stomach handles cheese, she could only conclusively determine that certain soft cheeses made her feel bloated.

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As much as I want to support ethical farming practices I will be buying the cheapest bag of frozen chicken thighs as much as the next frugal/poor person which is why animal welfare needs to be legislated, not left up to the invisible hand of the free market or some bullshit. Invisible hand of the free market finds itself around a lot of throats.

"Invisible hand of the free market finds itself around a lot of throats."

That is such a line.

ешь

Someone in Glasgow please go see this for me pls. I will be there in spirit 🙏

Brief report from the flute accompaniment:

It went well! At least 100 people attended, families dogs a solid portion of Glasgow's trans community. There was a really lovely atmosphere, nice weather and a very cheerful celebratory vibe.

After short speeches from the ballhaver and the large dyke (my wife), the ballhaver was given a chupa chup and blindfolded (execution style). The balls were then duly kicked; it made a surprisingly loud dull thumping sound. She fell to the ground to loud cheers and there was a moment of silence while Taps played on the flute. The large dyke wore solovair urban hikers.

Account from the Large Dyke.

Arrived early to find the crowd already gathering, so the kick got off to a prompt start. Following some introductions from everybody and some cheery folk music from our flautist (my wife!) we got on with the kick.

I think we got good contact, the top of my boot making a good solid noise on impact. Very good atmosphere all round, people stayed to chat for a while. Were it not January it would have been an excellent opportunity for a picnic.

10/10 queer event, would happily kick anybody in the balls in the name of community.

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

Him face

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (3)

Reblogging him face again for good luck in 2025.

Reblog him face for good luck in 2026

See him face on 1,120 days left

The Lord of the Rings, by Julia Tveritina.

this website’s easy watch. *dangles a bunch of greek gods like keys*

i know what i’m doing dw

Keep in mind I only know like. Two Greek gods by name. Homer is one of them, and he was good friends with Odysseus I think?

Wait fuck Homer isn’t a god he wrote the fucking thing. Fuck

POST CANCELLED NO ONE LOOK

desperately google searching for “greek gods to pray to when people notice your online idiocy”

You're failing.

You don’t think I know that, God of Death? Can I pray to you so I can DIE ALREADY

Pluto is Roman, not Greek

?????

Short version is that Pluto is a later name for the god of death, which is often associated with the Roman era/Roman mythology. Hades is the earlier name.

I set up my own house made of sticks and it has promptly fallen on me

HE’S NOT EVEN REAL?????*

I made this post thinking I knew what kind of fire I was playing with. Hephaestus, God of Fire, looking upon me from his fuck off tower or whatever said “Oh you think you know? Check this shit” and promptly set my post ablaze for everyone to observe

Hephaestus doesn't have a tower, he lived in a volcano

FINE THEN. BIG FUCK OFF VOLCANO. WHATEVER

Achievement Unlocked:

Lightning Bait

You're basically doing the post equivalent of standing out in a field during a storm with a ten-foot copper pole, you better hope Zeus is busy hiding from Hera.

I need you to name every greek God you know and what they are for plz

For science

OKAY FINE HERE'S WHAT I'VE FOUND

ares is the god of war, not kratos

WHY THE FUCK DOES THE GAME CALL HIM GOD OF WAR THEN

I can't believe this post is less than 24 hours old, it feels like something out of classic tumblr lore

op god of war is not official greek mythology lmao

Someone needs to read a Percy Jackson book

hey is this still post of the year or

NO

how's the hole op? want some snacks? a blanket? a shovel to dig yourself out?

I'D LIKE OUT NOW I THINK

And the post of the year goes to.....

here is me holding my trophy for tumblr post of the year. i'd like to thank no one in particular but i would like to unthank everyone who decided this one in particular was post of the year. i will never let this down ever

i hate to be this person because i used to roll my eyes at people who told me this but finally making myself go through uncomfortable situations for the possibility of joy has resulted in me being happier than i ever could have imagined being. i do think that you should always listen to yourself but i prevented my own happiness for a long time by not knowing how to tell intuition from overthinking and being too afraid and sticking to negative what if’s when i should have been sticking to positive what if’s. not every venture outside your comfort zone will result in some revelation that moves the earth under your feet but the probablilty of it is zero if you never venture out