tuulikki:

dailymanners:

texasdreamer01:

dailymanners:

dailymanners:

I take issue with how many people conflate being rude with being more “honest” “sincere” and “real”, while the same people will often conflate being nice and polite with being “fake” “insincere” “two faced”, and even though this line of thinking has always existed, I think it’s gotten worse in the last decade or so.

Don’t get me wrong, brown-nosers and people who try to use a veneer of “kindness” as a manipulation tactic are very, very real. And they give kindness and good manners a bad name.

But I take issue with the idea that in order to be sincere and honest with someone you have to be rude and inconsiderate. It’s a very childish view on human interaction and human relationships IMHO. You can be honest and sincere with someone while being considerate of them and their feelings as a fellow human being.

I also think it’s incorrect to conflate kindness and good manners with being fake and insincere because, at least the people I’ve met who are fake and insincere people (brown nosers and manipulators if you need a more concise definition of what I mean by fake and insincere people) yes they can be good at making first impressions. They can come across as quite nice, at first. But if you spend any amount of time around them and actually pay attention, they are actually rude as hell. And it will always show at some point.

#some people need to learn the difference between insincerity and diplomacy

#tact is not LYING #tact is taking a moment to ask yourself “does this particular thing NEED to be said right now?is it helpful?then it can wait” (x)

It’s also asking yourself “does it need to be said this bluntly and/or aggressively and/or emotionally? Or can I find a way to say it that’s not going to unnecessarily make the other person feel bad? Or make them feel attacked and put themselves on the defense?”

Is your least-controlled, knee-jerk self the real you? When you’re hangry and say something mean to a loved one, is that your unvarnished true self, because you’re without the false comfort of food and are too “authentically” you to treat someone you love with kindness?

It’s rather telling if people’s rudest, cruellest self is the one they identify as their “real” self.

1. Does this need to be said?

2. Does this need to be said *now*?

3. Does this need to be said *by me*?

4. If the answer to all three is yes, say it *kindly.*