Hannibal's reaction to Bedelia telling him that he is “obsessively” intrigued by Will always makes me giggle. He looks like he wants to deny it, but then she goes on, scolding him like the mother she is.

life could be so much easier if i could oscillate between a pussy and a dick at will but im sure many people feel this way

Ilya: I’m worthless. I’m worthless and unlovable. My father was right about me. I’m nothing to no one. I can’t have this. I— what are you doing

Shane, so horny he can’t see straight: cjan I ttouch. Can itouch. Your. Ycan I. Please.

I haven't seen this talked about much but I think one of the most heartbreaking bits of the couch scene for me was how starved for touch Shane seems to be. When Ilya pulls him into a cuddle and pets his hair, Shane just melts.

And it just made me wonder, when is the last time that anyone casually touched Shane with affection?

Like, sure, he gets the occasional hug from his parents. He has teammates who he fist bumps with, but this man has taken his homosexuality and locked it up so tightly in a steel box that he hides away in the core of his being—there is noooo fucking way he is casually slinging an arm around a teammates shoulder or anything remotely like that.

Ilya on the other hand...

He's got Svetlana and potentially other casual partners—but he also seems like someone who is constantly touching people around him. Maybe its because he has bisexual plausible deniability/doesn't seem to really be paranoid that people will find out that he is queer. Either way, this guy is just touching people in his life in a way that would be incomprehensible to Shane "Fortress of Solitude" Hollander.

And so it makes perfect sense that in the moment of being cuddled, Shane went for Ilya's dick. Because what the fuck is this?! What is Shane supposed to do with this moment?? It feels good, really good, but how is he supposed to understand it?? If its not sex then it is outside of his framework for "when touch happens."

I think this also this explains part of the appeal of Rose to Shane. I think he knows that what he is doing to her is wrong, but...

Here's someone who not only helps him hide his secret from the world, but a person he gets to touch regularly. Who drags him out dancing. Who holds his hand in the street. I think that moment the night they met, when she puts her hand on his leg as they play poker—Shane was done for.

It's not what he wants, but it fulfils this very real human need that Shane has been neglecting his whole adult life.

i am once again thinking about the fact that they used so much fake blood on hannibal that mold started growing on the bottom of the sets. like that means something right

something something this place is rotting from the weight of the blood spilled here etc etc

the thing that i love about the iliad. besides. all of it. is that it shows so beautifully that death is not the curse of mortality. grief is. mortals lose so much that they can never get back. you spend your whole life mourning people and places and feelings. mourning time. the gods will have other cities. but you and i will only ever have troy.

2 and a half hour digital painting

Ah! I love him!

sketchbook pages from last year

You forgive how God forgives.

something about loving a character and wishing the narrative did too

they should make heated rivalry season 2 like they did the bear and just give a cameo to anyone who asks so andrew scott pedro pascal and elliot page are all inexplicably on the ottawa centaurs

Ilya: I’m coming to the cottage

Shane, who was concussed and the highest a person has ever been and doesn’t remember inviting him: Wow, bold move from Rozanov but I’m into it.

Still can't get over Shane's face here.

He sees Ilya skating up and is so giddy before they even connect and it's not just because he's in love.

It's the high of the game being fun for the first time in forever. Everything is so easy because he's playing with someone who he just *vibes* with on every level and he can actually just enjoy himself.

That is the face of 8 year old Shane before the game got too intense. There are so many layers of joy here for him and it makes me want to cry for the version of him he's had to force himself to be for the last 15 years.

i like this show in a cool ironic detached intellectual way btw