butch defender

sorry, baby (2025) strikes such an incredible balance to me. first of all it’s funny. it’s directed beautifully, you can feel the winter air as you watch it. it’s meandering and expansive. it’s honest. something I found remarkable was the way it intentionally restrained from extracting maximum amounts of anger or shock or bitterness or even sadness out of its audience- something so many films around trauma often aim to do. add salt to wound. instead it gently validates those exact feelings and says- it’s ok if you feel them. it’s ok if you feel crushingly lost or lonely with them in your head. love yourself and love your best friend and keep going

Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u

#this is unfortunately true#it’s not easy to tell yourself Hey Drop It#like you’re your own dog furtively eating pinecones and rocks#but you gotta#sometimes it’s a Hey We’re Not Doing That#you gotta though

end of january affirmations

im not doing anything wrong and no one is mad at me

there must be a place for me in this world because here i am

my art doesnt suck

instagram is nothing to me

Langston Hughes, The First Book of Rhythm, Illustration by Robin King, Franklin Watts, New York, NY, 1954, pp. 6-7

Had to collect more of these in one place. First seen at @garadinervi. 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5974919-the-first-book-of-rhythms

Elle Fanning for Who What Wear, January 2026.

Threads of Transformation ➤ ‘Conversion’ by Kim Westfall, 2016. Vibrant acrylic yarn woven into a tapestry of emotional rebirth.

An Interview with Richard Siken