Hi, this is a very... unique thing for me to upload... yes, it's a rewrite, with extra pages that I consider a prolouge. Most of what I wanted to say is on the disclaimer page (for the mirror sites) I once again want to say not shade or slight on lazy fish's writing... this is for fun, and a bit of a creative exercise from me.
I can only hope you enjoy it, and I'm sorry if you think i butchered it.
Original: https://e-hentai.org/g/3414417/4f96d09c4e/

== Support the artists ==
Twitter: https://twitter.com/nameno54112657
Pixiv: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/91025540
Subscribestar: https://subscribestar.adult/lazyfish
Patreon: https://patreon.com/BadLazyFish

Both original and rewrite tick so many checkboxes, great works!

Base +7, heckan11 +8, notknow +24, RomaniaTube +7, HPsan +6

@Mr. Xeceet glad you liked it...... mind if I ask wich boxes mine ticked?

Base +7

missing deepthroat tag.....you guys don't know how to tag properly these days....

Base +6, Adamantcheese -7, chibidw -6, JDhentai69 +6, notknow -24, joeeerandom -4, heckan11 -8

@Benjiboyo Well, most comes from the art itself, but let me just list a few you did good. (Disclaimer: I did not know anything about Made in Abyss nor attempt to look it up)
The addition of 4-page intro certainly helped in soft-landing to what's about to happen, bonus point on that. Original's beginning is not bad but compared to this it feels abrupt now.
Better dialogues. Not just in grammatical sense but also wordings and the mood. The original sounded with a bit of reluctance/unwanted tone while yours now leans more to the care and love toward Mitty.
Less onomatopoeia or unnecessary speech bubbles means more real estate on the art itself.
So I give you twhree good boy points. Well done

Base +7, WayTooWeird +6, Herpderpnope +6

That's not how you spell "sleight"

Base +8, Patters53 -6

@akx69 "sleighting" means to decieve/trick.
To "slight" someone is to insult them. I mean no insult from my rewrite with my disclaimer. I'm not saying i'm decieving people with this.

Base +7, heckan11 +8

two is too many.

Base +7

so hot(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)，需要汉化口也！

Base +6, 阴阳与白羊25 +2

This is great, I come back to this so often!

Base +7

Very good nanachi sexy

Base +6