[freeze frame] yeah, that’s not me. I don’t know who that is. [unpause]

For those who need to hear it. To be ten pounds overweight is barely noticeable. To be ten pounds underweight is cause for concern if not outright alarm.

The primary health impact of being fifty pounds overweight is medical neglect. The primary health impact of being fifty pounds underweight is organ failure.

Skinny =/= healthy. You can not underfeed yourself into balanced nutrition. You can not subtract your way towards a healthy diet. You can not exercise all the spare calories off because bomb calorimetery is a joke of a scientific model that would have been laughed out of any other field.

does anyone know if we have tomorrow tomorrow

ohhh my fucking god AND tomorrow. it really does creep in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time—

im so glad romance is only real for tv shows. If people were doing that in real life it would be fucking crazy

type prevs url with your eyes closed in the tags

CRYING AND BAWLING AND LOSING IT

My Cats Riding the Bus to School, acrylic on paper, 2025.

I often refer to my bottle-raised lamb as my adopted daughter, because it’s mostly true, it temporarily keeps nosy strangers from knowing I’m an eeeevil childfree woman, and it’s hilarious when people find out. And by that time they’re usually too disturbed by the “her-daughter-is-a-sheep” thing to get on my case about the “woman-with-no-husband-or-kids-oh-the-horror” thing.

Most of my friends are aware that I do this, and will back me up in conversations without batting an eye when I reference my daughter. And the best part is that they literally never drop the story. They just 100% all the time accept that I have a two-year-old adopted daughter. The fact that she happens to be a sheep is an unimportant detail, not worth mentioning until an anecdote gets too weird to plausibly be about a human toddler.

Which actually takes much longer than you’d think, since human toddlers apparently have absolutely zero sense. “She bites if you stop paying attention to her” is believable, “she tries to eat rocks out of the landscaping” is believable, “she stuck her head through a fence and couldn’t get out” is believable. “She jumped a five foot fence and came screaming back into the house through the dog door when I left her outside in the pasture” does get some strange looks, though usually not for the right reason.

Occasionally the joke gets turned around on me, though. I posted a picture on my not-tumblr blog of her wearing my glasses, and every comment was “Oh my gosh she looks just like you!!!” “I would never have known she was adopted If you hadn’t told me!!” “Are you sure that’s not an old picture of you?!”

So apparently this is what I look like:

At least she does look cute in glasses.

[ID: a close-up photo of a brown sheep, stylishly sporting a pair of glasses. End ID]

Frog.

Frog, but now in motion.

saying “i want him” about the character but not in a romantic or sexual way . i just Require him i need to Obtain him

i want this man in my inventory

just pinned a girl to the fourth wall

It is still wild to me that I legitimately have to research in a bikini in order to effectively collect data.

And the reason being is that people (of all genders equally) perceive me as a threat otherwise.

Like

Threat vs not a threat

People have said before that they are concerned I’m gonna get them in trouble, but I think the real reason folks get mean is that tourists effectively enter a liminal space when they go on vacations (especially American tourists on tropical vacations) and they don’t want anything to pull them out of that mindset.

So when I show up with a clipboard and wanting to talk while wearing an outfit that clearly says “I’m working, but not in any sort of position that exists in your vacation fantasy,” that pulls them out of the fantasy and they react negatively.

Meanwhile, if I’m dressed the same way everyone else is, even if I have a clipboard and want to talk about the same thing, I automatically become a wacky NPC who is part of the fantasy.

I no longer hear “It’s really weird that you’re just out here watching people” but instead “You get to lay on the beach all day and call it “work?” Hell yeah! Living the dream!”

Yes I study raccoons. The critically endangered pygmy raccoons like to live at beach clubs. My current study is looking at interactions between tourists and/or tourism industry staff and the raccoons.

Surely this is just environmental camouflage that let's you get closer to your subjects?

It's just as valid as when wildlife photographers cover themselves in netting with twigs and leaves attached or hide inside a fake rock right?

I love how we all glossed over the idea of a pygmy raccoon

Yeah, this is Mama, a full grown pygmy raccoon. They are a completely separate species than common raccoons. Their scientific name is Procyon pygmaeus and they are a critically endangered species. There are only around 120 left in the world and they are only found in the island of Cozumel in Mexico. I, tumblr user raccoonmilf and the creator of Dashcon, am the only United States citizen legally allowed to research them. I am currently studying how pygmy raccoons are impacted by direct human activity within the tourism industry.

you cannot headcanon your way out of overt thematic structures on which the entire narrative is built

I love stock photo sentences. This has been the new thing to repeat for me when things go wrong. A mentally ill man with psychological disorders is going crazy at home. The crazy man who is alone in his house is yelling.

you can make several seals and put them on the hot dashboard of your car

hey I liked ur guys so much I transparented them

WOAH

sorry they're discord emotes now

@hexcii @oobbbear

If you guys haven't seen them djdjd

you stole dog blood