I’m sure someones already said this but I often see Tumblr described as a hellsite. This is fundamentally incorrect.

Tumblr is the faesite. Everybody is super confused and lost, you keep running into random places. Somehow you end up stuck there forever after interacting a couple of times. The people are all strange, everybody simultaneously seems to be from the future and the past as if time is meaningless.

YES

also technology breaks at random, and sometimes you just suddenly feel a thousand years old

There are inexplicable and unspoken rules of etiquette. You can be banished for the most trivial of infractions. If you’re funny in the right way you will be lauded until the masses tire of you.

Asking for someone’s true name is typically seen as suspicious.

Be careful of what you consume, you may find yourself trapped there.

There is a mysterious eldritch Green Man Who Shall Not Be Named and they have taken an endless number of forms

i'll do it for sam

And when there was only one pair of footprints in the sand, that's when Samwise Gamgee carried me

I think we need sam more than ever this year. But we WILL get through it.

I think we need sam

more than ever this year. But

we WILL get through it.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Canadians, did you know your tax dollars are funding an operation that is currently inducing mass hysteria to innocent people all over the world?

if i see one more person say hbo i am going to flip. HOW DARE YOU. IT'S A CRAVE ORIGINAL. OUR TAX DOLLARS DID THIS. you wish this was hbo. no, this is canadian content. how dare you say hbo. it's not hbo. it's crave and it's canadian

getting my labs done today i was thinking about years ago when i went to the doctor and i was like 'i've been to another doctor already but he wouldn't listen to me. something's wrong. i've never been this tired in all my life. i know i'm in college and i know i have depression but this is different. please you have to try something.'

so the doctor (back then) ordered labs and it turned out my vitamin d level was like 5 or 7 and i've never seen a doctor so elated about lab results in my entire life. she said, 'it's never. vitamin d. but it is this time. we can fix this. you're going to feel better.'

she was literally like

Good thread from Jamelle Bouie

i was in the grocery store and saw an onion on the ground and picked it up, absently saying “poor little guy.” behind me a teenage girl started laughing and then stopped and went “aww. i’m sorry for laughing. that’s nice actually.” and the cycle of cruelty is broken for another generation as a young person realizes that it is not embarrassing to have empathy for another thing that was once living, because certainly to be a lone white onion rolling on the ground in a supermarket would be terrifying to anyone

More gentle youths from @spacefuneral's tags

[Image ID: Tumblr tags from spaceFuneral reading: #this reminds me of how these two teenage girls apparently come into my work often and i didnt recognize them but they recognized me #and they were like " do you just have a collection of mystical cat shirts" #and i was like oh god im about to be bullied by teenagers #and i was like haha yeah! #and said that one person gifted me one and then suddenly i was collecting them #and they were like "i love that i love your vibes" #and "thank you for sharing your lore" #and i was like god damn.......... peace and love on planet earth /End ID]

i praise people for doing ordinary tasks all the time and it works out great

Hot take but uh How many men are antipathetic toward household chores like cleaning and doing the washing up because when they were young a parent (in my case my father but it could be either) would tell them to do them and then find something not done to their standard, sometimes obviously moving the goalpost, and then terrorize them about it? I always wondered about that

not just men, and especially true when the desired standard isn't communicated, and/or is more exacting than necessary to meet the stated goa, and/or involves a skill the person doing the task has not yet mastered

like yeah, I would chop the veggies differently if I were chopping the veggies myself, but who's going to notice or care about the difference if I don't spotlight it? Literally Just Me, and having someone else chop the veggies makes it way more possible for me to cook whatever I want the chopped veggies for; see also, done well and done often is better than done perfectly or not at all and mostly not at all

(and anyway my standard for chopping veggies was established when the people I was cooking for included very small children with very small mouths, which, there are none of those in this house! so like, between saying my standard is unreasonable to hold others to vs getting on Tol Housemate's case for not starting chopping carrots and celery by halving them lengthwise, one of these sounds a lot more fair than the other, you know?)

I also think that all the "um okay knives out & glass onion were good. Wrap it up now" posts are so funny. You're tripping if you think there's not going to be at least five Benoit Blanc films lol

What part of "the detective franchise is back babey" did you not get. There were 14 Poirot films and that's not counting the show which was a standard season for most of its run. 69 Columbo episodes. Like it or hate it you are going to be seeing Benoit Blanc until the day he stops making money and then some.

He hasn't even been on a train yet for fucks sake

HE HASN'T EVEN BEEN ON A TRAIN YET!!!!

The thing about world-famous detectives that's true both in character and out of character is that it's annoyingly difficult to make them go away.

arthur conan doyle found that out the hard way

She’s gonna Old Yeller him 😔

Discussions of trans women in sports often focus on elite/professional sports which honestly I find it hard to care about but the more common scenario of “we’re going to legally ban a high school girl from playing sports with her friends because she’s trans” is just profoundly evil

i remember when utah's (republican) governor ended up vetoing a law banning transgender students from playing high school sports when he looked at the numbers, and there were only four trans students in the state playing sports at all. he released a clumsily worded but surprisingly compassionate statement about the decision.

of course, it didn't amount to much. they overrode his veto. it's just so cartoonishly evil. an entire state's political body so desperate to terrorize this one little trans girl.

Weird Al Yankovic doesn't do albums anymore because the musical monoculture has evaporated. Even the most popular Top 40 hits exist within narrow niches nowadays, with very little overlap between fans of different genres. He says it's next to impossible to stay relevant with his parodies because by the time he's written and produced one everyone has moved on to something else. There aren't really any big summer songs that get played nationally, everyone just listens to their own curated playlists, so writing five or six parodies for an album would be an exercise in futility. He only does sporadic singles now, and that's a damn shame.

For this reason, I propose he return to his roots in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, and start parodying classic songs he never got around to back in the day. He could release a throwback album called "What Did I Miss?" to capitalize on nostalgia. Instead of chasing a moving goalpost, he can go after existing tentpoles, win-win, instant brand recognition, eternal relevancy.

i'm always so endeared by magic exams/mage trials/hunger games but wizards situations where all the trials are designed so that a normal rogue would absolutely sweep at it

ICE now tackling press.

Source.

More context from John Abernathy's instagram (the "Getty photographer" in the original post):

this is like murdering someone and then posting their obituary in remembrance come the fuck on bro

evergreen tweet

The best thing about the weird sugar baby requests that i have been getting (because I dared post a picture of my face) is that 1) I KNOW they're weird bots and 2) they're not even offering more money then my husband makes in a month

So like even if it was real, even if we had a terrible marriage and I was just married to him for the money and was willing to move on for a better offer (I am not, he is the only man I do not actively growl at including my father) - like your offers aren't even hitting big dogs

Update I was blocked 😂

Me: I got blocked!

Husband: by the wanna be sugar daddy?

Me: yeah

Husband: awww he didn't have enough sugar :(

I am... I am legitimately lightheaded from laughing.

went to the original video and the description was "don't worry I rejected them three times" jshdlfghs