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history - physics student

@enceladusmybeloved

hi, i'm k! [he/him] juggling uni with adhd and bpd <3

𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨

hi! i'm a 22 year old university student! u can call me k and my pronouns are he/him

I'm double majoring in history (2nd year) and physics (1st year). My dream is to pursue a masters degree in journalism (only available to us here after any bachelors degree</3) and a masters degree in astrophysics so I can work in science journalism ☆

I struggle with adhd and bpd which makes my day to day life a lot harder,, but I'm gonna try my best to achieve my goals anyway!

this is a safe space and my inbox is always open, I'd be happy to chat and interact with all kinds of people on here ♡

(not sure what else to add, but maybe i'll update it sometime in the future)

Frankenstein thoughts because I forgot how creation works

Okay but Frankenstein genuinely makes me feel insane every time I think about it because people keep calling it a “man creates a monster” story and I’m like. Did we read the same book. Or did you skim the sparknotes and run.

Because the Creature is not born evil. He is born confused. And in pain. And the very first thing he does is look for Victor like a child looking for the only face he knows. He tries to speak. He tries to be understood. And Victor sees him and immediately goes “absolutely not” and runs away.

Which is. Kind of everything actually.

Victor wants to be a god so badly until the second being a god requires responsibility. He wants the accomplishment, not the aftermath. He creates a life and then abandons it because it’s ugly and inconvenient and doesn’t fit the fantasy he had in his head. And that moment sets the tone for literally everything that happens next.

What kills me is how hard the Creature tries to be good.

He doesn’t start out angry. He starts out hopeful. He watches the cottagers because he wants to understand people. He learns language. He learns kindness. He genuinely believes that if he proves he has a good heart, someone will accept him. That goodness will be enough.

And then he saves a child from drowning. Like, no hesitation. Pure instinct. Pure empathy. And for that he gets shot.

That is the moment where something breaks, I think. Because it’s not just Victor anymore. It’s everyone. The world looks at him doing something undeniably good and still decides he’s a monster. His voice doesn’t matter. His intent doesn’t matter. His actions don’t even matter if his body is wrong.

And that’s when Frankenstein stops being subtle and just starts screaming at you: monstrosity is not inherent, it is assigned.

The Creature keeps reaching for connection and keeps getting punished for it. Every door is closed before he even learns how to knock. Every attempt at softness is met with violence. And eventually he realizes he’s never going to be Adam — he’s always going to be the outcast they think he is.

The second creature is what finally makes Victor irredeemable to me. Because the Creature isn’t asking for power or revenge or domination. He’s asking for one person. One being who won’t recoil from him. Someone to share exile with so he doesn’t have to be alone forever.

And Victor destroys her. On purpose. After promising.

He doesn’t just deny the Creature love — he denies him a future. He decides the world would rather the Creature suffer alone than risk a world where someone like him gets companionship. And in doing that, he locks them into this horrible, mutual destruction loop that Victor pretends he didn’t create.

“If I am a demon,” the Creature basically says, “it’s because you made me one.”

And that’s the part people ignore. Frankenstein isn’t asking “what if science goes too far.” It’s asking what happens when you create something and refuse to care for it. When you abandon a being and then blame it for what abandonment turns it into.

Anyway this book makes me feral and sad and I clearly have feelings about it. I tried writing a diary-entry-style thing from the Creature’s POV for class and I genuinely can’t tell if it’s insightful or if I completely misunderstood him, so if anyone wants to read my shitty attempt at it let me know. Or tell me to delete it. Both are valid.

shoutout to all high school dropouts, students who didn’t get accepted into college, students who used to be on honor roll but became overwhelmed, students who study for hours but still fail tests, or student who don’t study at all due to depression/anxiety, you are all stars and I’m wishing y'all the best luck possible to get back on your feet

hi guys!! Sorry for not posting for so long.. I have been struggling with burn out and dropped like half of my classes just so I can somehow get through the semester.

I probably stressed myself too much with this blog and wanting to post a lot of content, totally forgetting that this was supposed to be a place to share the struggle of a student with adhd and bpd, like!!

If you are a student with mental illness(es), I see you and I love you. It can be so incredibly hard to just get through daily life and then there is the added academic pressure which can really push one to the edge. Sending everyone lots of love and strength!

I am slowly trying to find some sort of balance again, so hopefully I will post more again, even if it's messy!

01/11/25 - Saturday; 14/100

November is upon us! I have now officially survived one month of the new semester and honestly I’m doing better than I had anticipated. I finished two of my assignments today but dear god, python and I will not become good friends in this lifetime.

; finished my math assignment

; finished and handed in my python assignment

; finished my readings for two of my history classes

; watched a documentary on the French Revolution

; read a little for pleasure today as well:)

31/10/2025 - Friday; 13/100

Today was rather unspectacular I’d say,,

Although I got a lot done or well, made a lot of progress, I felt unproductive and just kinda…meh.

I should probably remember to also carve out some time for myself and do something unrelated to uni.

; continued all the readings for my three different history classes

; worked on my python assignment

; did some research on the current topic of my Middle Ages class

; worked a little on my assignment for maths

; worked three hours on my physics assignment and I think I got the gist of it all, now I’ll just have to write it down all pretty and neat so I can hand it in!

I’m so happy that I got it done earlier than last week. I had only three hours left last week which was pretty stressful ;/

30/10/25 - Thursday; 12/100

I was so caught up in my uni work and forgot to take a nice picture again ;(

Finally started working on my physics assignment due next week and oh boy…I definitely have enough work to fill my weekend with :D

Others are gonna go trick or treating while I get spooked by equations I suppose,,

; had one early physics lecture

; 2 hours study call with my friend helping me with my math assignment

; 2 hours contemplating my physics assignment, was able to solve one problem yay!

; started my readings for the African history class

29/10/25 - Wednesday; 11/100

No picture today, sorry :(

I was thinking about skipping my lectures today, each for a different reason but oh well, I went to all of them! Today was all about overcoming either low motivation or anxiety for me and I have to say, it went quite well!

; lectures from 9am - 5pm

; glanced at my new physics assignment but didn’t get much into it

; went to my badminton class and had so much fun honestly! It was the second time for me this week and I am starting to befriend someone:)

28/10/25 - Tuesday; 10/100

skipped my early lecture to work on the physics assignment I had to hand in today…what a nightmare it was, lol. Not much to report today, I’m just so tired and will fling myself into bed any second now

; went to the library prepare for my history seminar tomorrow

; went to a tutoring for maths to go over the assignment due next week

; worked on another maths assignment at home for about an hour or two

27/10/25 - Monday; 9/100

Today was…a lot. Maths and physics are killing me. I had to hand in an assignment, which was really hard for me to understand, but I think it’s gonna be fine,,

; had lectures from 9am - 2pm

; after a short break at home, I met up with someone from uni in the library to work on the physics assignment together and well that’s really what I did all night then

25/10 + 26/10 - Saturday and Sunday; 7+8/100

My parents came over on Saturday so I couldn’t really get much done for uni, but I finally got new curtains, yay! They match my dark green sofa, so it’s looking pretty neat.

Today I somehow got a lot done and nothing at all. Physics and maths can really just be so much time and work put in, just to get a tiny fraction done haha. But it’s fine, as long as it’s moving forward.

; two hour call with a friend who helped me with my math assignment (god bless the math majors)

; worked on my physics assignment

; finished the first half of my history assignment

; started reading the text due my other history class

24/10/25 - friday; 6/100

didn't take any proper pics today lol, so here is just a small glimpse of my absolute mess of a table - me doing maths with some chocolate cake. it was a rough day, almost cried in the library because i sat there for two hours on one physics problem not getting anywhere...

well these days have to be part of this journey as well!

; had an early physics lecture

; two hours in the library to work on my physics homework

; revised my notes for my communication and media course

23/10/25 - thursday; 5/100

I've been sick ahh! so i took a little break, but I'm a bit better now, so back to posting and studying my ass off,,

the new semester has been fun but stressful already; every evening i go to the library through all the colorful leaves and music in my ears i remember why i'm doing all this and think of the dream i'm chasing. it'll all be worth it.

; started working on my physics homework due next week

; started working on my maths homework as well

; picked out some documentaries on the french revolution and am probably gonna watch one over dinner tonight!

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