"girlmath" "girldinner" girl help overthrow the fascist regime NOW

Developing a sick fixation on the bagel guy I get breakfast from every Friday on my way to work. I have visited his stall thrice and each time he hears my order, shakes his head, and gives me a slightly different version of my order that tastes better than what I'd originally asked for

Today I asked for a plain lox spread bagel and he gave me an everything bagel with a lox, scallion, and dill spread and it fucks so heavy. Moaning at work rn

No i will not tell you who this is or where. This is MY parasocial relationship with a bagel guy who is doing a kind of customer service dom thing to me. You guys don't get to HAVE him [eyes start glowing as I growl]

this guy’s awesome fujoshi wife…

shitcan the damn snitch doorbell

btw if youre young and scared of doing adult things without your parents ive learned that like 90% of the time you can just tell the doctors office or the dmv "haha sorry ive never done this without help before... can you show me how to do this?" the employee will not care. if that means anything to you

literally walked up to a desk in the courthouse, said "is this where I register a car or is it the next one?" and she said it was the next one. and the lady at the next desk helped me. it feels embarrassing but I promise you can just ask

One of the most important lessons I learned in customer service is that no matter how much help you need, as long as you're nice about it, you won't even crack the top five of worst customers they've had to deal with that day. I will walk an old lady through every step on that pin pad with a smile as long as she's polite, because two calls ago I had to deal with someone screaming about politics for 45 fucking minutes because I wasn't allowed to hang up on him.

Everyone has their first time doing something, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has dumb moments, and as long as you're choosing kindness I'll just laugh it off and help out. Because no matter how dumb you think you are, there was already someone who was just as dumb but was determined to ruin my day over it.

[record scratch] [freeze frame]: yeah that's me. that's me in the corner. that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion.

can someone give me $100,000 I won't pay you back

i am not a psychiatrist but i do find it really weird how autism checklists are so often focused on "outward" signs of autism rather than what is going on internally. i don't know how to explain it but "do you make eye contact with other people" feels like a much less relevant question than "how does it feel when you have to make eye contact with other people?"

while i'm here, the other one that always pisses me off is "do you interpret idioms literally, for example 'bull in a china shop'?"

well, no, obviously. i know what "bull in a china shop" means because that is a popular phrase with a clearly defined meaning. and if i hadn't heard it before, then i would still not interpret it literally, because it has the cadence of an idiom and i would probably be able to work out from context what it meant. what is the point of this question

third and final complaint: "are you good at noticing subtext?"

i feel like the problem with this question is best illustrated by a conversation i had with a friend a while back, where i said something like, "i feel very safe with you because you don't do subtle hints and you are always very straight-up with me about what you are thinking and feeling."

and he laid a hand on my shoulder and was like, look dude i'm gonna be straight up here. i am subtle with you constantly and you simply do not notice <3

@luckyybones hope you don't mind me screenshotting but you are actually so correct

this is like murdering someone and then posting their obituary in remembrance come the fuck on bro

evergreen tweet

visiting the paris catacombs today and my mom messaged me saying "make sure you check the weather forecast before you go" . in the catacombs?

The hanged man tarot card but he's clearly getting off on it

does anyone else remember when michaels (art supply company) accidentally made omegle again

when they What

michaels added a feature for a while in sept. 2020 where shoppers could ask questions that would be answered live by other shoppers anonymously. which led to some good michaels interactions.

the people yearn for nonplastic fabrics

nature probably has one of the highest rates of fraudulent studies of any journal but people don't think about that very hard.

not that there isn't also good stuff published in it! but the higher the impact factor the higher the impetus to intentionally defraud publishers or simply just avoid dotting your is and crossing your ts.