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plush wash 2010-04-11

[image description: a photo of several soft toys seen through the glass front of a washing machine. the washing machine appears to be on, spinning the plushies around in soapy water. one plushie, a white cat, is clearly visible with it’s face and front paws against the glass. end description.]

[image description: a photo of six white-tail deer standing in snow that comes half way up their legs, dusted on their heads and bodies with fluffy snow. end description.]

when i made a post for people with psychosis. which, let's be honest, barely counts as a positivity post when I'm just demanding you include them in your activism. i got a slew of dedicated anons trying to trigger a psychotic episode in me (which i deleted). there was backlash against such a mild, lukewarm post even in the notes. and most of the people agreeing with it also generalised it to include other stigmatized conditions. which, i agree that people with other conditions also need to be included, but it is in some respects somewhat frustrating. because it feels like people aren't really addressing the ableism and saneism that people with psychosis face. that including them becomes another checklist on being a good disability advocate and that there hasn't been sincere introspection about psychotic disabled people and how we can protect them in our community. do you understand. i asked for an iota of respect for people with psychosis and instead i got anons trying to trigger a psychotic break in me, assuming that it's a condition i have. that can be so dangerous for people with psychosis. they're vulnerable to being triggered by malicious actors and, like many disabled people, their symptoms can easily be used to relentless abuse them. and for what? merely mentioning the existence of psychosis and someone wanted to trigger something that could seriously harm or kill a person? with the comfort of their anonymity people online are relentlessly cruel to people with psychosis. actually consider how we can protect our fellow disabled people, understand their reality, and include them in our communities and try not to just pay lip service to it. next time you think unreality warnings are silly or someone should get the obvious joke (which is straight up saying things contradictory to reality) without someone giving up the bit to reassure them, remember that a mere mention of this condition was enough for someone to try and destabilise my entire worldview and mental health. because they thought that they could.

I feel like too many consent-related posts focus too much on giving and getting consent, and not making sure that people feel comfortable not consenting. We talk too much of consent as if it is a given, as if you just have to ask and then you’ll get it. 

like, there are so many things that boil down to “before you have sex, ask for consent” rather than “don’t assume you’re about to have sex unless you know for sure that the other party/parties want to, and even then they could change their minds”.

Which is just really unhelpful. The whole point of consent shouldn’t be “you should always ask for it and then you can have care-free sex”. That still assumes that you’re going to have sex, when the whole point of asking what people want to do is that it should be possible to say no.

Consent and dissent are both equally valuable. It’s OK if someone asks you if you want to do something, and you say no. And whether you say no for today, for a week or forever, it’s all fine.

Because you know that there are going to be people who think they’re so ~progressive~ and so ~feminist~. when they ask their partner(s) if they want to have sex, but then won’t be able to handle the word “no”.

Things I wish people would do when their partner says no to having sex:

  1. Not try to convince them otherwise. You can have a discussion later about wanting to have sex more. Right now, there’s likely a lot of emotions going on and it may be seen as coercive. Have this discussion after both of you are in better headspaces, in a nonsexual situation.
  2. Not take it personally. Someone else not wanting to have sex with you right now is probably not about you. Especially if you’re in an otherwise stable relationship. If you have difficulty with this, please talk to a trusted third-party about it.
  3. Ask your partner if there’s another bonding activity they would be interested in. This can help with (2). Ideas: watching tv, playing a game, cuddling. This can also help reassure your partner that you are not mad at them for saying no and that you are a safe person to say no to.

A Bit of a Related Tangent:

People talk a lot about compromise. About how, in a relationship, if one person wants sex all the time and one wants sex only half the time, that they “should meet in the middle.” They forget to add that compromise is OPTIONAL.

If you do not want to have any sex (and especially if having sex is making you feel uncomfortable in any way), you do not have to compromise by sometimes having sex. You CAN if you want to/don’t mind doing so!! But you DO NOT HAVE TO. (You can also try and then say no that’s not going to work. You do not have to try if you do not want to.)

If you do want to have sex and your partner doesn’t, you do not have to be in that relationship.

You are allowed to be sexually incompatible with people. How that impacts your relationship is up to the people therein.

Your partner should not use “compromise” as a way to try to coerce you into having sex that you are otherwise not interested in having. If you are compromising, both parties should feel comfortable and happy with the outcome, not like it is their duty or just a way to prevent someone from leaving them.

[ID: A gif of the point of view of a train moving straight forward along a track, approaching a pedestrian crossing point. There are buildings to the left of it and trees to the right. /endID]

[ID: A gif of the interior of a train as it moves past a forest. Two empty seats face away from the wall, a door between them. The train is dim inside, the only lighting coming from outside. /endID]

[ID: A gif of the point of view of a train turning along the curve of a track. Many houses are visible close by and in the distance, as well as nearby trees and fencing. /endID]

Chamomile vs. Christmas

Is this rabbit playing? No, but nothing bad is going on.

This rabbit is annoyed at and trying to get rid of the Christmas-decoration. 

Single-handedly waging the War on Christmas

swordsonnet:
“megpricephotography:
“Barney, snoozing on a hilltop, in the summer of 2009.
”
[ID: two photos of a black and white border collie sleeping on a hilltop. the first image is a close-up of the dog’s face. end ID]
”
swordsonnet:
“megpricephotography:
“Barney, snoozing on a hilltop, in the summer of 2009.
”
[ID: two photos of a black and white border collie sleeping on a hilltop. the first image is a close-up of the dog’s face. end ID]
”

Barney, snoozing on a hilltop, in the summer of 2009. 

[ID: two photos of a black and white border collie sleeping on a hilltop. the first image is a close-up of the dog’s face. end ID]

It's easy to think "nobody in the whole wide world cares about me" on an empty stomach but try doing it while eating Vegetables and Rice. Seems less convincing now doesn't it? That's simply the power of Vegetables and Rice..

[image description: two photos of cats interacting with a doll house. the first shows a cats face peeking into a window in the house’s kitchen. the second shows a kitten half-sitting on a bed that it is a little larger than. end description.]

[ID: A photo of a cat lying down holding a fish plushie in its front two paws. End ID]

[image description: a transparent image of a small, round seal plush. end description.]

[image description: a photo of four very very large, shaggy white dogs, sitting and lying in a forested area, each with a leaf much large than their heads placed on them like a hat. end description.]

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spent 30 minutes panicking because i couldn't find him in his room

[image description: a photo of three teddy bears on a bed. each is one bigger than the last and is holding the smaller one in its arms. a cat's face peaks out from the biggest bear's arms.]

list of books i’ve read this year cause i’m proud of the number of books, especially communist books, i read ^-^

nonfiction:

  • socialism: utopian and scientific by fredrick engels
  • the new zealand experiment: a world model for structural adjustment by jane kelsey
  • whipping girl by julia serano
  • political economy: a beginners course by a. leontiev
  • philosophical trends in the feminist movement by anuradha ghandy
  • the state and revolution by vladimir ilyich lenin
  • imperialism, the highest stage of capitalism by vladimir ilyich lenin
  • marxism-leninism-maoism basic couse by the communist party of india
  • the cruel pattern: early child care and protection and the imposition of settler-colonial capitalism in aotearoa by kendra cox (*technically this is a thesis not a book)
  • the late marx’s revolutionary roads: colonialism, gender, and indigenous communism by kevin b. anderson
  • why the world meeds china: development, environmentalism, conflict resolution & common prosperity by kyle ferrana

fiction:

  • she who became the sun by shelley parker-chan
  • circe by madeline miller

i also might’ve read a couple other things.. this is just what i have downloaded as pdf or epubs.