The thing of it is, is….

I’m not suggesting IN ANY WAY that any women ever “asks for it”, but think about it for a second Ladies.
A famous guy (a football player, maybe) comes into a club with his “posse” or “crew” and demands a section of said club be roped off so they (the guy and his “boyz”) can only admit hand-picked young women into the aforementioned roped-off area to “party”.
Do you think for even a second, something bad might happen??
35-40 years ago when some roadie picked a girl out of the crowd to come backstage to meet Mick or Keith or Jimmy or Robert, I’m pretty sure she knew they weren’t going to have cookies and milk and play Old Maid.
That said, Ben Roethlisberger is an idiot and probably guilty of something, even if it’s just being an embarrassment to the Steelers.

Seeing how I spend a lot of times driving desolate desert roads my mind tends to wander. Lately, I’ve been about music. 25 or so years ago (fuck, I’m old.) I spent a lot of my free time hunkered down in front of my turntable, headphones on listening to records. My favorites were The Beatles with The Who and then The Stones not far behind. Hours spent analyzing and breaking down these records as best as I could. I didn’t know an A from a C minor,(still don’t) but I knew what I liked. One thing I was never really able to put a finger on what was it was that made these bands so different and so great. Why was it that in one moment I was perfectly happy listening to Love Me Do and the next I had to hear Sympathy For The Devil or We Won’t Get Fooled Again before going back to A Day In The Life?

The other day I think I figured it out. On the other hand, this might be all bullshit.

The Beatles. You finally find the girl of your dreams but have no clue how to talk to her, whatever you want to say to her, whether it’s romantic outpourings of love or some cool mysticism to make her think you’re hipper than you really are, The Beatles are the guys you want on your side. Confident and cool.

The Rolling Stones. Flat-out bastards. They say girls like the bad boys and here they are. The Stones will insidiously sneak in and whisper in her ear and make her forget you ever existed, all while you’re busy trying to dance to Jumpin’ Jack Flash. Seductive and dangerous.

The Who. She’s gone. You’re crushed. The Who are the guys who come banging on your door at 2am and say “Come on, you sad sack of shit… get off your ass!!” They are the one who drag you out and get you drunk and get you laid and help you break all the stuff she ever gave you all in an effort to raise your spirits, knowing full well what it’s like to have a broken heart. Bold and Defiant.

Anyway, that’s my theory. It’s not much, but I’m gonna hang on to it.

Oh, Zeppelin? They are the guys who’s couch you wake up having no clue where you are or how you got there. They offer to cure your hangover by offering you a fifth of Jack.

Went to a Christmas party last night, two things really irritated me.

1) Who the FUCK throws a Christmas party in NOVEMBER???

2) What’s the deal with all these people who feel the need to “flavor” beer? Lime wedge, salt, Clamato … it’s gotta stop! If I want a cocktail I’ll order one. Call me crazy, but I like my beer to taste like beer. Generally, I prefer Stella but I’m open-minded enough to take almost anything when it’s free. However, if you put a lime or anything else in it, I’m pulling it out and throwing it on your floor.

Merry Christmas, your 7 layer dip sucked, by the way.

… and Gorilla City really existed, I’d try and move there. Even though I figure it might be difficult finding the place. If and when I did, the gorilla guards would take me before King Solovar and and he would patiently listen to my story. He would understand my desire to disconnect from the brutal human world, and being the kind, benevolent ruler he is, he would grant my wish to stay among his people, er, gorillas.
I’d probably get a job. Maybe a TV show warning gorilla kids of the dangers of the outside world. I’d have a few gorilla friends, who I’d hang out with on the weekends. Who knows, maybe I’d even have a gorilla girlfriend, though I doubt it. Still, one has to keep an open mind.
I think that, in time, however, some gorillas would come to dislike me. Maybe even hate me. I’d have to use my position as a semi-celebrity to have them eliminated. Quietly, of course, then as more and more of my enemies let them self be known, they would be publically “re-gorilla-ized” and banished from the city.
The population would be divided between my supporters and those who want to see me banished or dead. Being naturally more devious, I would concoct a plan to secretly destroy all my enemies. This plan would probably fail, because, as much as my supporters dig me, I’m still a human.
I wake one day to find civil war has gripped Gorilla City. Brother fighting brother over the human in their midst. Chaos takes hold of the Earth’s last Utopia.
I pack a bag, and split.