thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you're right and you should say it.

It is defeatable. Go for the throat.

Sound Effect: Zing!

Niffty: Ah! It's Alastor, welcome back! Look, this is my boyfriend!

Alastor: Huh? What?! Who the Hell is that fishbone-like guy?

Box at the bottom left corner: No AI editing bitch!

Compareing what's going on in Posion vs Don't you forget reprised.

Posion is functionally a song to the audience from Angel. It's doubles at the start as him singing to his hell audience but, then singing to him self for the final verse.

Vox and Alastor are singing TO eachouther, with Alastor breaking the 4th wall only once. This is them actively negotiating this situation while Posion is a old dance that's been done 100 times.

Angel is for his part dancing with Val at this point vs Alastor who is being pulled into dancing. I can also compare that to how with Rosie Alastor also dances to her tune.

In Posion Val doesn't give a flying fuck what is in Angel's mind and his heart. He truely only cares that his physical body is present. Vox does care DEEPLY what Alastor thinks. He wants Alastor to think and feel a certain way (even if that way might be fear.) For Val feelings are a means to the ends of geting Angel to do what he wants (as also see this with Val's hot and cold. He doesn't care if Angel comes "home" out of love or fear, just that he dose).

I think some of the comparisons with Posion is ironically there's a level that, that is what Vox wants. Every paralle in with Posion is the way Vox is acting. Like no Vox isn't Val but he wants to be. He wants to care less about what Alastor thinks. He wants. Yes I say Vox cares about what Alastor thinks AND he hurts him that's not a contradiction (I'll elaborate)

Val and Angel's relationship is very simple. Val wants sex and money from Angel. The start of Posion is money (shooting porn) and sex "any way you want me baby" part.

Vox wants that deep relationship he used to have with Alastor. Which isnt simple, you cant just take that and it pisses him off. The anger he has at still being denied the thing he actually wants, Alastors mind even when he's right there inforunt of him that's why he shocks him. See he cares in the scence of will do anything in his power to change Alstors feels not cares as in like a healthy way.

The fact that Vox cares that's what Alastor is using. As far as Vox can tell Al is shrugging off everything he's throwing at him. Al is acting unaffected which is where he reclaims the power in the situation.

Val would be happy by now if he was Vox, if he had Angel trapped in the tower on his string that would be good enough for him. Vox is never satified he always wantd more than he has which here means the thing he wants most is for Alastor to just have a fucking drink with him.

That's it, the one thing he can't force Alastor to do.

Oh and Angel "wish I had something to live for tommrow" vs Alastor "don't you forget you ain't won yet."

Angel is hopeless and Alastor is stubbornly optimistic.

they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"

It's not a cure but you have no idea how many times this image has helped me with my OCD

wait interrupting my break to let people know that I did not shut down my bsky account they suspended it over a obvious joke

i mean it's a perfect lil break for me that place is toxic but at the same time: marginalized people are not safe on these websites especially trans folks. it was a fucking joke, a dirty joke at that about domination. oh my god.

the most oppressed class white cis men

I am begging you. Please learn about stress/discomfort tolerance. Practice raising it. You need this to survive. If someone online can ruin your day with a throwaway comment, you desperately need to understand discomfort tolerance and consciously, systematically build that shit.

Also! Stress tolerance is such an important skill that having a learning disability in that area is a major symptom of a whole lot of other disabilities/mental illnesses! Struggling with it is a huge part of life! It sucks!

Am I saying everyone with misophonia needs to listen to chewing noises all day? No. But you need to find ways to tolerate it enough that you don't treat others like shit if they make a mouth noise near you.

No, you don't have to read the fic with your trigger tags. But you do need to be able to handle scrolling past the tags without being upset.

It is hard! But not having it also makes you so so so easy to manipulate. That grandma is racist AF because her mom raised her to be uncomfortable around black people and she never fought that discomfort. Trans people make so many cis people uncomfortable and that discomfort turns into bigotry real fast.

Letting your discomfort dictate your actions and beliefs about things is a great way to become a terrible person. Learn. Discomfort. Tolerance.

Have I mentioned I hate digital? Not today? Then let me tell you, I hate digital.

Gorgeous Swan B*tch

I just wanted to draw Stella in the dress we see in the portrait.

https://youtu.be/_spuxXnul0U?t=882

Apple media!

Sorry! I always forget about my tumblr. I’ll try to remember to upload here.

"OR WOMEN IN GENERAL"???? HELLO

Reblog to bully people who don't like female characters or women in general off the internet.

Viv said lucilith would be on a “struggle bus” in Season 3 , in my opinion it points to a rocky, emotionally heavy phase in their relationship after eight years of separation. In relationship terms, a “struggle bus” usually means a temporary rough patch, so I imagine their dynamic being tense and imperfect at first—awkward attempts at reconnecting, unresolved feelings from the past, and moments where old habits or emotional walls get in the way. Rather than instant reconciliation, it feels like the kind of arc where they have to actively work through discomfort and vulnerability, making their reunion messy but meaningful and setting up strong character development along the way.

I think my coworker's fucking the IT guy bc we normally have to submit a ticket and they'll get back to us in 2-3 days unless it's crazy urgent. But he showed up like 1.5 hours after and went "Tanya... you miss me already?" And she giggled and went "omg stop Daviddd" meanwhile I'm sitting here like

He was like "You sure you're not just coming up with excuses ;)" and she was like "Nooo my mouse really keeps dying" and he was like "Haha I believe you" and I felt awk so I blurted out "It's good of you to like, validate her fears" and they both looked at me like I just appeared in their bedroom

I’m back!! Finally posted on here again so have a fem Lucifer!

Just a couple of smol freaks!