what a pathetic wretch of a man

"Exploded dust of God, are you there? It's me, Scott Adams."

inb4 "dilbert was such a radical anticapitalist comic and yet scott adams died with so much hate in his heart. truly he did not understand his own work"

dilbert was such a radical unfunny comic and yet scott adams' death amused people. truly he did not understand his own work

homu

speaking of peeing the bed it's been long enough that i can tell this story publicly. in high school i went to a party at some house with no adults, as you sometimes would, and at the end of the night like 10 people all clonked out together in the same bed. fully clothed, one of those teenage moments where you're like wow heehee how rule-breaking, because sure a lot of our parents wouldn't like us sleeping in a bed with a bunch of other teenagers and no adult supervision blah blah. fond memories. anyway.

i'm an extremely light sleeper, so i barely slept, and sometime around 6 am, i woke up to a girl totally panicking, very quietly, because she peed the bed in her sleep. and listen. this wasn't a group of mean kids by any measure. but there's no level of kindness or understanding in the world that will make peeing the bed when you're 17, surrounded by people you only sort of know, a gentle blow.

so i sat up and she was like "oh my god" and I signaled at her to be absolutely silent and I said I'd be right back. And I crawled over everyone and out of the bed like a stupid cat.

and the thing is, by senior year i wasn't getting bullied much anymore. i was generally pretty well liked by my peers, but, if this makes sense, people still didn't always expect very much from me. i was still figuring out how to mask (autistic) and i still often said or did something that made everyone remember i'm weird and they'd just be like "well. that's story for you. i guess." and for the most part i'd become pretty secure in that.

so what i'm saying is i had nothing to lose and this girl had everything to lose.

so i went downstairs and i made tomato soup. and by "made" i mean i put a whole can of tomato soup in a too-small mug and microwaved it until it was lukewarm so as to be convincingly "made" but not so hot to burn someone.

and then i walked back upstairs, and no longer like a cat, i clumsily "attempted" to crawl back into bed, loudly lost my balance, and spilled tomato soup all over the girl and her lap and several other people's laps and heads and the mattress.

everyone woke up confused and anguished and i was like, "oh my god, I'm so sorry. I just got really hungry and it's all i could find."

and everyone immediately accepted with absolutely no further questions that I would go downstairs, make tomato soup at 6 am,and bring it back to bed. everyone just begrudgingly climbed onto the floor and went back to sleep while I put the bedding right into the laundry.

i don't even know this girl's name. i only remembered this story recently because i'm in my hometown for a few months and recently a high school acquaintance said, "hey. do you remember spilling soup on everyone after prom? why did you do that?" and for a moment i genuinely did not and i stared at them completely dumbfounded while the memory loaded and then i started laughing too hard to answer for 2 minutes.

the best part is i can tell this story, and even if it reaches the people who were there, none of them will know which one of them peed the bed. thanks to tomato soup.

people keep pointing out how bewildering this must have been from her point of view and it's making me laugh to tears. i never considered it. i had such a solid plan in my head. i went downstairs to find something to dump on the bed and when i saw the tomato soup i knew it was perfect because it has a distinct smell that would cover anything else and a color which would do the same.

i was so focused on my mission that in the 14 years since i've never once considered what it must have been like for her to decide to trust me because she had no other options, sit there in anguish for three minutes, and then watch me walk back into the room and dump soup on everyone.

just heard about ⁠Scott Adams. i don’t know what to say. every interaction i had with him, he was a veritable ray of sunshine. i still remember sitting by the lake, tracing reeds across the water’s surface and promising that those beautiful days of summer would last forever.

now that Scott Adams is dead, we should clown on him for the Dilberito again

"the blue jeans of food"

There's something about atheism that I've repeatedly tried and failed to put into words on several posts on this blog but I think I finally got it.

Atheists are the only religious minority who, even (or sometimes even *especially*) in ostensibly progressive spaces are not allowed to ever act like they're sure of their beliefs.

Like I'm not even an atheist, I've considered myself an agnostic for as long as I've been able to articulate my own beliefs, but it's not lost on me how often atheists in leftist spaces are hit with rhetoric like this:

Why is it bad that atheists are 100% sure that no god or any higher power exists? I mean. That's what they believe.

Everyone else is allowed to be 100% sure in whatever belief they hold and express it, but atheists are held to the higher standard of constantly conceding that "yeah I *could* be wrong haha of course I'm not saying it's impossible for gods to exist I'm just personally unconvinced" because openly expressing any confidence on the certainty of their own beliefs will immediately be perceived as close-minded and invalidating everyone else's belief systems when like.

When you get down to it "all this shit is made up" isn't really a meaningfully more close-minded or invalidating position than "all this shit is made up except for this one, which is the real and correct one". Atheism is just held to a higher standard when failing to immediately back down and cede ground in any situation where it doesn't align with anyone else's belief system is inherently seen as a mark of close-mindedness and intolerance, a standard to which no other religious minority is ever held in these spaces.

"Oh well it's because the New Atheism movement was shitty and Reddit Atheists™ were intolerant and-"

Okay so some guys were shitty about atheism in 2013. I have bad news about every single religious belief system on the face of our planet.

Ive been feeding my dog dilburritos to lead him along the path to eternity

"stuff like this" being discussions of the technical elements of gamemaking, rather than just the writing, which sucks up all the oxygen in the room wrt Persona

Modern Persona gamedesign is like. Fine. Hashino is very good at directing RPGs that play fine.

i think the most engaged i get with persona battle mechanics (as someone who's only really played modern ones) is figuring out the perfect sequence of moves for my party that perfectly kills each of the enemy groups the random encounter table picks from in this leg of the game. which can be fun in its own way, but it's definitely not what's carrying the game.

fuck my gay life. pharmacist asked for my ID when I was picking up my testosterone and instead of my driver’s license, I accidentally grabbed the fool tarot card I keep behind it in my phone case and went to hand that to her

i feel like no one really wants to hear that sleep/exercise/nutrition/hydration are major factors in treating mental health issues bc we’ve all talked to that person who thinks your depression would be cured by one good session of goat yoga or whatever but unfortunately they do help and i’m chronically annoyed about it

Tags @eggmacguffin

The enemy is both weak and strong. “[…] the followers must be convinced that they can overwhelm the enemies. Thus, by a continuous shifting of rhetorical focus, the enemies are at the same time too strong and too weak.”

- Umberto Eco on fascism

dear diary,

today a tumblr user called me a fascist for saying they might feel better if they drink water

Just a reminder that it is not your vet’s job to report if your pet got into recreational drugs. We aren’t snitches, we have no obligation to report drug use. We do, however, want to save your pet so please be honest with us about what your pet got into. It could literally be life and death for them.

i initially read this as a cat picking up a cocaine habit on the street and not being a narc about it before i realised you meant pets accidentally ingesting their owners drugs

Another reason to keep your cats indoors: cat could develop expensive coke habit.

never trust tsukihi araragi

she's literally awesome you should put your life in her hands

Unfortunately true story

The year is 21XX. Miraculously, Tumblr still exists as a somewhat popular brainchip application used largely by neofujoshis and fandomites. One day, a dumb low-effort shitpost by a member of one of the few remaining tgirl posting cells blows up, spreading across the neuronetwork like a wildfire. The therian tgirl who posted it, a hacktivist who augments cybernetics as a hobby, finding itself frustrated by the tags being completely filled with male characters despite the post clearly being about girls, and decides to edit the post. As per Chipblr policy, the edit is immediately applied to every instance of the post across the neuronetwork, but due to a century’s worth of tech debt from the poorly programmed website, the text of the edited post bypasses a vulnerability in the programming of the most popular brainchip models, immediately executing the new text as code. All the brainchips of every user who viewed the post immediately prompt their users to list one (1) female character they genuinely care about, stating that the chip will continue to increase in temperature unless genuine positive emotion is detected by the chip. What was intended as a harmless prank by a tgirl hacktivist turns into one of the deadliest cyberattacks in history, as thousands of fandomites and neofujos across the remains of what was once the United States are killed due to their inability to care even slightly about a single fictional woman. Decades after this unpreventable tragedy, F/F to M/M fanfic ratios across the English speaking internet have come closer to parity than ever in recorded history with an astonishing ratio of 30% F/F to 70% M/M

Top left: in the character selection screen of Super Smash Bros., the icons have a flame image behind them.

Top right: the flame is actually taken from a commercial stock texture CD.

Bottom: this allows the Mario icon to be recreated in extremely high quality, since his artwork is just a render from Super Mario 64.

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